Does every family have one?

thorsoak

LEJC wrote: »

No...neither of then see what he does as being wrong and if I were to highlight it to them the whole situation would be my doing.
It would take a braver person than me to make a suggestion that their son/brother was anything other than the "family joker"...however in my mind whilst I understand he's from a different generation to me and humour/political correctness has changed over the years I do firmly belive that some of his comments are not"old school" but deeply offensive to those he chooses to pick upon.

At 15 I can see that Harrys not a child,neither is he an adult and its probably not the time in his life to be challenging an elder in the family....his family.

OK - I do get the picture! Just let Harry duck out of this - when everyone asks "Where's Harry" - just say that he had something else on. End of discussion. And tell Harry that not every "elder" in every family deserves respect!

LEJC

I simply came here this evening in the hope that some of you might be able to give me a few one liners or put downs to use on saturday...

Thank you for your input securityguy but you do seem to have mis interpreted a lot of my comments here...
You are of course very entitled to your opinion and I wouldnt want to stop you from having that ...but I do feel that some of your descriptions of me as "frightened" etc etc have been inflated.

LEJC

Person_one wrote: »

Has anyone ever just said, right in the middle of his unfunny 'banter' "Bob, stop being a d!ck, its getting annoying"?

Yes...I have said that and I am now ignored by this man

I am referred to as "posh bint "by him rather than my name the name calling doesnt upset me...he has issue with most in the family ...

The banter clearly has niggled Harry to the extent that he doesnt want to go on saturday to a family event...but he is unsure of how to deal with the comments that he may get...
I think that sometimes challenging this guy with a retort does sometimes fuel the flames.
Up to a point it would be great if peoples comments never hurt or that we all had the ability to ignore hurtful jibes but human nature sometimes makes that difficult.

sedment

Can I just say that your lad sounds lovely and well grounded, not many 15 year olds would actually sit with their parents and discuss situations like this. How many would be upstairs sulking!!

Nenen

LEJC wrote: »

No...neither of then see what he does as being wrong and if I were to highlight it to them the whole situation would be my doing.
It would take a braver person than me to make a suggestion that their son/brother was anything other than the "family joker"...however in my mind whilst I understand he's from a different generation to me and humour/political correctness has changed over the years I do firmly belive that some of his comments are not"old school" but deeply offensive to those he chooses to pick upon.

At 15 I can see that Harrys not a child,neither is he an adult and its probably not the time in his life to be challenging an elder in the family....his family.

Firstly, someone who finds it necessary to belittle others and is deliberately offensive on a regular basis (particularly to younger and less powerful family members) must have a deep-seated problem with his own self-worth. He is probably far from happy, however much of the 'family joker' he attempts to be. Indeed, his desperation to be the centre of attention via his 'jokes' shows how low his self-esteem actually is. I would emphasise this to your son and perhaps encourage Harry to see this man as someone to pity.

As you don't feel able to talk to your mil or other family members about this, I agree with the pp who suggested you allow Harry to stay at home. If you fear future reprisals from 'the joker' then just make some excuse, perhaps connected to your son's musical talents (e.g. needs to practice for important upcoming concert).

Another strategy would be to turn the 'joker's' rubbish into a game with your husband and son... each have bets on the time 'joker' will say/do certain things, e.g. how many minutes after arriving will 'joker' say "Harold" in a Steptoe voice? Whoever guesses the nearest time gets a point and at the end of the evening the winner gets a prize determined between you. Then all you have to do is every time 'joker' makes one of his regular rude comments the three of you burst out laughing and talk excitedly about which of you has won a point for guessing the time it will be said. Decide in advance that you will all giggle excitedly and make a meal out of how predicable 'joker's' comments are and explain to him that you are betting on them - make sure you don't tell him which comments you are expecting and betting on though!

I expect that turning the tables on him and emphasising how predictable his 'jokes' are that you are laughing *at* him both behind his back before the event and in front of him during it, might have the effect of making him stay well away from all of you and curb his ignorant remarks. If it doesn't, at least your son might be able to have a laugh at this pathetic man's expense.

mrcow

LEJC wrote: »

Yes...I have said that and I am now ignored by this man

I am referred to as "posh bint "by him rather than my name the name calling doesnt upset me...he has issue with most in the family ...

The banter clearly has niggled Harry to the extent that he doesnt want to go on saturday to a family event...but he is unsure of how to deal with the comments that he may get...
I think that sometimes challenging this guy with a retort does sometimes fuel the flames.
Up to a point it would be great if peoples comments never hurt or that we all had the ability to ignore hurtful jibes but human nature sometimes makes that difficult.

There is only one way to deal with the comments and that is to give a pitying look and then turn away.

Then the relative has an option. He can continue with the jibes, in which case continuing to ignore his existence is going to make him look even more like a complete div or he's going to pick on someone else.

The man is pathetic and should be treated accordingly.

Don't jibe back - you're only vindicating his behaviour.

POPPYOSCAR

mrcow wrote: »

There is only one way to deal with the comments and that is to give a pitying look and then turn away.

Then the relative has an option. He can continue with the jibes, in which case continuing to ignore his existence is going to make him look even more like a complete div or he's going to pick on someone else.

The man is pathetic and should be treated accordingly.

Don't jibe back - you're only vindicating his behaviour.

I so agree with this.

If it were me I would look past him as if he were not even in the room.

ruds46

sounds like a right cretin.

There's having banter and then there's over stepping the mark, by sounds of it this guy has well over stepped the mark imo.

If he's been asked to tone it down and is clearly carrying on with his put-downs then he clearly has no respect for you, your son or any other member of the family and his actions are tantamount of bullying. :mad:

If it were me, I'd show my support to my son by not attending. Sod what anyone else thinks in your extended family.

You can choose your friends....

carefullycautious

What a dreadful obnoxious bully to pick on a child and keep this up every time he sees him.

My hubby has experienced something similar from a close relative by marriage and has distanced himself as it was frankly becoming boring listening to the same crap every time we met up.

I agree let your son stay at home and if he does have to tolerate seeing this idiot teach him to walk away every time he starts and not respond to him. It says a lot that he calls you names for standing up to him. What a disgrace.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

LEJC wrote: »

Sorry...where have I said that my husband is forcing our son to go? ...that is NOT nor never been the case....if anything I have written here gives that impression then my words have certainly been mis read

It was the bit where you said the following...

LEJC wrote: »

Its now got to the point of son refusing to go at the weekend,me understanding the situation and OH saying we have to go to keep the peace with the other relations.
The upshot now being that we will probably say we cant stay long...but that not the answer longterm of how to deal with the relation