Does every family have one?

poet123

How old is your son?

To be honest if he is in his late teens I would tell him to grit his teeth and accept that he will meet idiots like this in all walks of life and he will have to learn to deal with them. I assume these are not weekly events, so in the scheme of things not so serious. It doesn't sound as if this chap is being rude, offensive or even overly insensitive, if he was making fun of his appearance or denigrating him then that would be different. He is clearly just less funny than he thinks he is. I would do as others have said and either give it back or ignore it.

cheeswright

MOST people cant talk to teenagers - or other peoples children at all come to that
and if you ask them they will tell you that
"Havnt you grown?"
"So , what are you doing at school now?"
and
"Whats your favourite......whatever" isnt conversation .....
the guy is misguided....but making more of an effort to be chummy and think of your son as an individual than any of the above "conversations"
teens are easy to embarrass, spending time near this geeky guy or having to sit next to ..? his aunt flora who slurps her tea - or just being in the same room as someone ...is pretty much enough.
If he dosnt think this guy is funny he should tell him - as simply and directly as possible
"I dont get it"
"thats not funny"
"that was nearly funny"
"oh ...another miss..."
"wrong audience"
"I dont think we share a sense of humour"
but better would be to ask him a question to head him off see if you son can find a shared interest with him thats not insulting other people....

PasturesNew

My uncle used to think it funny to put all the kids down..... when he died my sibling said "I wouldn't go to his funeral if it were next door; he used to hold my head and rub my face into the carpet".

So yeah, every family has one.

maman

You don't say how old your boy is. I wonder if he's up for sorting it out himself?

I'd use the broken record technique (Please don't call me that,I don't like it,my name's Harry) and then walk away. You could then watch and if he persists, say the same thing yourself. I'd then keep going for every time he tries it on with increasing volume so that hopefully some other relations will notice and back you up.

If that fails then I think you and your DH should be prepared to say 'Sorry to cut the party short but we're taking Harry home. We've had enough of ar*ehole (that is his name isn't it;)) teasing Harry when we've asked him to stop several times.'. Then just go.

You may get a grovelling apology. I don't think it's good enough to say 'that's what he's like'.

zagfles

Many years ago we had a relative (by marriage) who thought it was acceptable to make personal comments about people she barely knew. At a wedding I was sat on a table with her and my cousin, in his early 20's at the time and he had a receding hairline (and was very sensitive about it).

She made several comments and jokes about it - then she asked him directly whether he'd looked into doing anything about it (transplant etc). He replied "I went to the doctor and he said he could give me some pills, but I didn't take them because they have a nasty side effect".

She fell into the trap and asked what the side effect was. "They make you fat, and I would much, much rather be bald than fat" he said.

You guessed it, the relative was fat! It shut her up for the rest of the evening! :rotfl:I spluttered my coffee everywhere as I had a mouthful when he delivered the line!

Suggest you try to find something your relative is sensitive about and get your son to bring that up if he starts making personal comments!

securityguy

Its now got to the point of son refusing to go at the weekend,me understanding the situation and OH saying we have to go to keep the peace with the other relations.

So your OH puts peace with other relations ahead of the interests of their own son? What a nice person they are.

Relatives who behave obnoxiously shouldn't be pandered to. Ask yourself if you'd put up with it from a friend or a colleague. No? Then don't put up with it from a relative, either. Your son should, where appropriate, tell him to !!!! off. Banter, directed at children and young relatives, is a particularly nasty form of bullying. The young person probably doesn't have the experience or ability to respond in kind, the self-confidence to shrug it off or the nerve to walk away, and always at the back of their mind has the "will I get told off for being rude to adults" problem. It's the same way that bullying school teachers can get away with speaking to pupils in a way that would get them a punch in the face in other contexts.

If you son doesn't want to go, he shouldn't go. Your responsibility is to him, not your relatives, and if they are making him feel unwelcome he shouldn't be dragged along like a performing monkey. Either speak to the relative and say that he is to stay away from your son, or remonstrate with him at the event, or don't go. Tell your son what you intend to do in order to make him happy and safe.

Treevo

Try "I'm bored with you now" and then walk off.

Or just don't go. I wouldn't. I don't put up with people like that so I wouldn't expect my kids to. Frankly to hell with your OH if he puts some distant relation above the feelings of his son.

nettienoo70

or just shout "nurse he's out of bed again"

sedment

I have an uncle like that, who at a family gathering made the comment to me "make way for the whale" six weeks after giving birth to my son. I dealt with it by turning to him and asking him what he said, and he repeated it, and was looking around for a laugh. Which never happened. At that point I said that I didnt appreciate his humour, and sat down. Went home and had a right cry later on but think if these people think they are getting a rise and annoying you, just makes them far worse.
If your son is old enough to stay home himself I would let him. And if its mentioned that he isnt there by the pain in the a*se, say that he has outgrown your company, and laugh at him. Most dont like when the tables are turned. If you wouldnt tolerate it from a stranger, why would you from family???

thorsoak

If your son is a teenager, and old enough to make his own decisions and has decided that he doesn't want to go, then I would - on this occasion - support his decision.

When relatives ask "where's Harry?" - then its time to say "Harry is sick and tired of Fred's stupid comments and says he won't put up with it any more". In Fred's hearing.