Feeling fed up and resentful

margaretclare

sacha28 wrote: »

slowcoach I will be doing a foundation degree to become an assistant practitioner, this is on the cusp of being fully trained. Unfortunately our trust removed any kind of hope for me to become fully trained AT PRESENT as they have removed the option of secondment and no longer fund training through the OU. Both of these options would have allowed me to do the full training course whilst earning me full time wage as I would still 'belong' to the department. This really is a long winded way of doing things but by the time I have completed the foundation degree my lo will be attending school so I can then afford to 'top it up' with another 18 months to become fully trained as I won't have nearly £700pm in nursery fees to pay. This is why my course is only 2 years and I see no other way of being able to live my dream. Needs must

Well done to you. I hope you succeed. I have total admiration and respect for anyone who has the strength of character and of will to struggle through difficulties to achieve their ambition. I was in nursing/midwifery in a very different era. The only thing I would say is - don't, whatever you do, risk another pregnancy in the meantime. This, in my experience, has been the one thing that has scuppered so many women's ambitions and dreams.

duchy

sacha28 wrote: »

It is absolutely their loss! Our boy is amazing, has a wonderful sense of humour, is clever and his personality is the best bits of me and his dad I have plenty of time to see if the worst bits develop ha ha!

I guess I was surprised by their lack of interest as they showed such an interest during the pregnancy and I so wanted for him what I never had....a strong family bond. Oh well, whatever....they're the one's missing out!

Perhaps....as they are another generation ...they too expected you to be married soon after the child was born and aren't 100% happy with a grandson living in (what to them is) an unregulated situation and may become more involved if and when there is a wedding ?
Just a thought. You may not be the only one who can't understand why your boyfriend has dragged his feet for so long.

sacha28

Oh my margaretclare I can assure you that is NOT going to happen!!!! I don't want another child at all. I love my son so much and he has a sister so he's not an only child. I never wanted children before I met my partner, I was terrified that I would turn into a cc of my own mother and didn't want another being to feel how she made me feel. Thankfully my need to be nothing like her has had a positive effect....I am the total opposite to her

I have had my fair share of trials and tribulations, my life story, I think, would make most people weep. I feel incredibly proud that I am who I am. I'm a very good mum, I have a great work ethic, I have never used my appalling upbringing as an excuse to cause misery on others and, despite everything, I don't think I am a bitter person. I'm not saying I'm perfect, I have problems maintaining relationships, I can be incredibly stubborn, I don't think before I speak and I nearly died when I was 18 by trying to kill myself (the very reason I went into nursing after the amazing way I was looked after) and have some very dark periods since, but I have always bounced back

sacha28

duchy his parents are very old fashioned....they have been married for 40 years and they are CATHOLIC. To say they are disappointed about his situation would be fair to say I think, tho they have never said this to him. What his mum did say is that had he taken their advice in the first place we would be married by now!! I would marry my OH tomorrow if I could. I know he has been a fundamental pain in the @rse over the past couple of weeks but he is an amazing man and I still feel lucky to have met him

mumps

It is always hard when grandparents seem to favour one child, could it be that they wanted a granddaughter. My late MIL had one son and was desperate for us to have a girl. Made me mad as it felt like my boys were second best but you can't do much about it.

Good luck with the nursing, have you looked at the bursaries? I know they have changed in the last year or so but they might help. I know someone who did the foundation degree and were told they could go straight onto the second year of a nursing degree if they were successfuly but this wasn't true, well at least it wasn't by the time she qualified.

As a Catholic I wanted to add that I don't think it is appropriate for people to blame a child for a situation they disapprove of. Whatever you and your OH have done one thing is for sure, it is no reflection on your little boy. I know my priest would not discriminate against your son in any way so I don't see why anyone else would.

Good luck with it all, it is clear your love your partner very much and I hope it all works out well.

Toto

Just a thought about the training. If you went to uni and did the nursing degree have you checked the bursary calculator? You also get an add on for childcare, some of the girls on my course were getting around 19k bursary all in with the childcare added.

sacha28

mumps I feel I may have been a bit misunderstood My OH's parents are disappointed with my OH not my son lol!! The whole divorce thing is something that doesn't sit easy with them and had he not married her like they had begged him not then they know we would be married now. I actually have a very good relationship with them, they're amazed I'm as 'normal' as I am, considering everything that has happened.

toto is that correct?! I was told that the bursery is now means tested and that, with my OH working, I would probably only get £500pm. My rent is £775pm so it doesn't take a genius to work out that I would never make it through!!!

Toto

Rent, life insurance and some other things which I forget are all deducted from the household income. So say for example your partner is on 20k a year (round figure for ease), and your rent is £9300 a year, life insurance is another 150 a year etc your actual household income is 10,150k. You then get an allowance as you are a parent and then childcare which is on top. I'm not saying you will be getting the 19k but I know there were some of the girls who were going to be getting less once we qualified than they were training. If you go to the calculator you need to put in 45 weeks, as there is an extra payment as nursing and midwifery degrees are longer than other degrees.

the calculator is here http://www.ppa.org.uk/StudentBursariesCalculator/reset.do;jsessionid=8F9F58B4053F34A31063AA264D4B403D

ERICS_MUM

aileth wrote: »

Don't even bother with the in-laws. Act like they're not even there. They aren't worth your time acting like that, and maybe they'll get the message if you're not responding to them.

Talk to him straight, get a quickie divorce (Hopefully crazy ex won't cause issues wtih this) ASAP, put money aside for it, if he is so bothered about you taking off your ring and leaving him, he should be bothered enough not to 'splurge' on really what are irrelevent things for a time to make you the 'proper' family unit you want to be.

When that's done, tie the knot at the registery office then hold the reception at your house with a lovely homemade buffet. I really think something like that has as much feeling as throwing cash at people that milk weddings for all they're worth.

As for the job, you said you love your job. Sure, there might not be any upward progression, but you LOVE your job! That is worth more than any wage, trust me, and can be very rare. Personally, I'd rather earn slightly less and be happy, than be miserable and earn more.

Good luck.

i think this is excellent advice.

mumps

sacha28 wrote: »

mumps I feel I may have been a bit misunderstood My OH's parents are disappointed with my OH not my son lol!! The whole divorce thing is something that doesn't sit easy with them and had he not married her like they had begged him not then they know we would be married now. I actually have a very good relationship with them, they're amazed I'm as 'normal' as I am, considering everything that has happened.

toto is that correct?! I was told that the bursery is now means tested and that, with my OH working, I would probably only get £500pm. My rent is £775pm so it doesn't take a genius to work out that I would never make it through!!!

Sounds like they are supportive of you then, even if not so hands on with little one. Maybe you could all gang up on him, men what can you do with them.