Feeling fed up and resentful

Bennifred

Well done Sacha - hope it all goes well for you! :T

krlyr

In the meantime, it may be worth bearing in mind that November is "Will Aid" month and you can get a will written for a reduced cost. Something that my OH and I are definately in need of sorting as we're unmarried (with no plans to change that!) so need to make alternative arrangements to make sure our assets/wishes are carried out the way we would like.
http://www.willaid.org.uk/

Yorkie1

krlyr wrote: »

In the meantime, it may be worth bearing in mind that November is "Will Aid" month and you can get a will written for a reduced cost. Something that my OH and I are definately in need of sorting as we're unmarried (with no plans to change that!) so need to make alternative arrangements to make sure our assets/wishes are carried out the way we would like.
http://www.willaid.org.uk/

One point to make here is that wills are revoked by divorce, I think, unless made specifically in anticipation of divorce (i.e. worded as such in the will).

thorsoak

sacha28 wrote: »

My partner and I have been together for 5 years and have an 18 month old son. In the most part we are very happy but there are some things that are now starting to annoy me and I don't know how to deal with them.

Firstly, my oh's parents show NO interest in our son. They never phone and ask to see him, have never had him over night, and they see him as little as they see oh's daughter from previous marriage who live 400 miles away (that's another story!!). OH's daughter comes to stay every holiday and they constantly phone when she is here, and even take sick days off work to spend time with her. During pregnancy and mat leave they constantly said they would help with childcare when I return to work (I never asked them as it was my choice to have a baby not theirs so I am therefore not expecting them to look after him) but let us down in the most spectacular fashion so I now have to work permanent nights as I had to take too many days off work when they cancelled at the last minute.

Secondly, I am stuck in a rut in my job. I love my job but have reached the very top of my role financially. No matter how much longer I stay in my current role I will NEVER get another pay increase. I have the qualifications to move to another department in a higher role but I can't really start a new job then start dictating the shifts I work. My OH will absolutely not make any requests to work specific shifts in his department. He gets his shifts, at best, only 2 weeks in advance which makes planning shifts and childcare impossible. I just feel like I am the only one making sacrifices throughout the whole situation and now, and this makes me feel resentful.

Thirdly, we have been engaged for 3 years but he is STILL MARRIED!! I only agreed to marry him as he said he will get divorced. His ex is a volatile woman and refused to divorce him until they had been seperated for 2 years so no reason had to be cited (I never really understood why it mattered). Once she had said 'lets get divorced as 2 years is up, oh but you can pay for it' he asked me to marry him. It still hasn't happened as there is always something else to pay for that takes priority (like a new mountain bike, surf board or car!!!!). I feel embarrassed by this. I am living with, engaged to, and have a baby with somebody else's husband and it makes me sad.

I'm starting to feel like these issues are starting to get in the way of a fantastic relationship

Sasha - you say that his parents see his daughter from the marriage - but have no interest in your child - had you thought that maybe they feel some loyalty to the mother of that little one who has been abandoned by his father?

As you say, there are no divorce proceedings happening - maybe the rest of his family expect him to return to his wife!

Show your independance and arrange everything for your children yourself.

sacha28

thorsoak you couldn't be further from the truth!! My in laws have never liked his ex, the first time they met she was very rude to them. They begged him not to marry her as she was volatile and was quite controlling.

The very idea that my oh 'abandoned' his daughter is very offensive. She kicked him out and then proceeded to fabricate tails of domestic violence to strengthen her case against 50/50 custody. These allegations were proven, through the correct channels, as being false. My partner has had to endure years of abusive text messages, lies, game playing, and her making life virtually impossible. She is the kind of woman that makes men walk away as it's easier than all the emotional turmoil they have to go through. Despite everything this woman has done, including moving 400 miles away last year with just 2 weeks notice, my partner has always done everything he can to ensure he and his daughter remain close.

How, exactly, is that him abandoning her?

Just because he no longer lives with her does not mean he has abandoned her, or that he is absent. Please choose your words wisely next time, these kind of comments are very sweeping and infuriate me when I know of everything we have had to do just to stop her being so difficult.

sacha28

And if you would like the real definition of abandonment then please just look at my own father......walked out on my mother when I was 4 weeks old and I have met him only once when I was 27 years old, never to be seen again. That is a father abandoning his child, not my partner who speaks to his daughter twice a week and sees her as often as school holidays allow (was every weekend through a court order until she moved)

itsanne

sacha28 wrote: »

thorsoak you couldn't be further from the truth!! My in laws have never liked his ex, the first time they met she was very rude to them. They begged him not to marry her as she was volatile and was quite controlling.

The very idea that my oh 'abandoned' his daughter is very offensive. She kicked him out and then proceeded to fabricate tails of domestic violence to strengthen her case against 50/50 custody. These allegations were proven, through the correct channels, as being false. My partner has had to endure years of abusive text messages, lies, game playing, and her making life virtually impossible. She is the kind of woman that makes men walk away as it's easier than all the emotional turmoil they have to go through. Despite everything this woman has done, including moving 400 miles away last year with just 2 weeks notice, my partner has always done everything he can to ensure he and his daughter remain close.

How, exactly, is that him abandoning her?

Just because he no longer lives with her does not mean he has abandoned her, or that he is absent. Please choose your words wisely next time, these kind of comments are very sweeping and infuriate me when I know of everything we have had to do just to stop her being so difficult.

You seem to have taken the above as very judgemental. I didn't read it that way. Don't forget that even when they are trying to be helpful, posters may well say things which are uncomfortable to hear - or wrong.

Mojisola

itsanne wrote: »

You seem to have taken the above as very judgemental. I didn't read it that way. Don't forget that even when they are trying to be helpful, posters may well say things which are uncomfortable to hear - or wrong.

I didn't, either. I thought thorsoak was saying - could his parents be looking at the situation like that.

busiscoming2

I have only just seen this thread and read most of it.

OP do you think your inlaws feel that your OH's daughter doesn't have a very happy/stable life with her mother and that they go that extra mile to always be there for her? You say your mother wasn't the best so from a child's perspective wouldn't a set of caring grandparents been nice to have and fall back on if necessary?

Perhaps in the future you could sit down with the inlaws and voice your feelings. They may feel you are perfectly competent without them.

sacha28

busiscoming2 I think you may be on the money here. There are a few things she says and does that leads us all to believe that she isn't happy living so far away. Her mum did such a quick flit that she didn't get to say goodbye to her aunty (who mum has fallen out with), her cousins that she was very close to and saw most days, Grandad (who mum has fallen out with), her school friends or step-Grandma. We get the impression that they don't do a great deal to keep entertained either.

Had thorsoak not added in that my oh has 'abandoned' his little girl I would not have been so infuriated. Had he/she just said that his parents may feel a loyalty to his ex then I would have answered based just on that. I felt that comment or assumption was very judgmental.

Sorry if I seem defensive but I am very passionate about this subject and the choice of words were offensive