Angry,upset and hurt regarding partners words tonight

Kynthia

There's clearly been more going on than just this conversation, the OP has said so. I also found it sad that when she asked if he loved her, instead of saying yes a reassuring her he made it clear that there was something bad he didn't want to say. Anyone would have pressed to find out what, and he made it about attractiveness and weight. That discussion should not have been brought up at a time when the OP was looking for reassurance that she was still loved. Then to go to sleep knowing she was out somewhere upset isn't a great sign either.

FBaby

I'd still love him and care for him of that I'm sure. If he survived I wouldn't care what he looked like. I also think resuming our physical relationship would be a very low priority, if he were in rehab for years. Would that mean I didn't love him physically?

I totally agree, same feelings I have towards my partner. However, I can't say that I would still physically attracted to him, at least not as I used to, it just that it wouldn't matter, so wouldn't have an impact on our relationship enough to question it.

I would feel differently though if he put on a lot of weight letting himself go and refused to acknowledge that there is an issue. If it affected his self-esteem and sense of worth and this affected his moods, motivation and vision of the future.

Person_one

pukkamum wrote: »

A person's appearance changing due to ill health and not being able to do anything about it is very different to someone not caring enough to keep themselves clean and tidy or at trying to lose excess weight that they aren't happy about.

Its the first one that we're talking about here though, she's had her thyroid removed!

Person_one

FBaby wrote: »

What became impossible? To lose any weight? I think these are only exceptional cases, like people on very high dose of steroids. Usually, if you require such a high dose, the last thing that would be on your mind for that time is how you'd look, more fighting for your life and health. I certainly wouldn't care one iota what my partner looked like then and neither would he. But it goes back to the initial thread, the OP said that her partner said he still loved her, jut not in a physical way (which usually mean being physically attracted to them).

If it became impossible to stay 'healthy looking', which you said was important to you and your partner.

ETA: nevermind, you've answered further down!

tinkerbell28

FBaby wrote: »

I totally agree, same feelings I have towards my partner. However, I can't say that I would still physically attracted to him, at least not as I used to, it just that it wouldn't matter, so wouldn't have an impact on our relationship enough to question it.

I would feel differently though if he put on a lot of weight letting himself go and refused to acknowledge that there is an issue. If it affected his self-esteem and sense of worth and this affected his moods, motivation and vision of the future.

Oh I agree with that. That said he's a fitness freak, T total and runs miles everyday, so it would be a massive change to the person I'm married to, not just in looks.

FBaby

tinkerbell28 wrote: »

Oh I agree with that. That said he's a fitness freak, T total and runs miles everyday, so it would be a massive change to the person I'm married to, not just in looks.

Same here. We are both into healthy lifestyles, not obsessively, but as part of life, and that is one of the things that attracted us to each other. If that suddenly changed, it would be more than about how we looked. Something significant would have happened.

I think what would make it more difficult is if we fell under the spell of depression. My OH has never suffered from it, even when he face difficult times and I haven't seen my early 20s, despite also facing tough times, but one can never say never. How much and how long could we accepts the effect of depression on the above, I don't know. I am pretty convince that either of us would find the strenght to battle it at some stage not too late, but again, I can only suppose.

tinkerbell28

FBaby wrote: »

Same here. We are both into healthy lifestyles, not obsessively, but as part of life, and that is one of the things that attracted us to each other. If that suddenly changed, it would be more than about how we looked. Something significant would have happened.

I think what would make it more difficult is if we fell under the spell of depression. My OH has never suffered from it, even when he face difficult times and I haven't seen my early 20s, despite also facing tough times, but one can never say never. How much and how long could we accepts the effect of depression on the above, I don't know. I am pretty convince that either of us would find the strenght to battle it at some stage not too late, but again, I can only suppose.

Well that is it. I was in a long relationship before my oh. This guy was older, he became depressed, put on 5 stone ish.

The weight did not bother me actually. But he'd changed. He would not admit it, but he started to eat and drink and awful lot more, became more sedentary, which won't help.

He was angry at his weight gain, but it affected us. He became insecure, needy, quite horrid, a recluse. I put up with it for quite a while, he just carried on let it get worse, even though we'd spoken...so over time the sexual attraction went and it wasn't his looks that did it, it was a gradual thing. Then eventually I just fell totally out of love, so game over.

pukkamum

Person_one wrote: »

Its the first one that we're talking about here though, she's had her thyroid removed!

Yes she has but having known someone who has been through the same, I know that with hard work and perseverance the weight can be lost.
The issue also is how this weight gain has affected her confidence etc.

Person_one

Everybody's body is different pukkamum, knowing one person with a condition doesn't really mean anything. For a lot of people it takes years and several dosage changes to get any equilibrium back.

Treevo

Person_one wrote: »

Its the first one that we're talking about here though, she's had her thyroid removed!

Which doesn't cause a 50% increase in body weight without some serious over-eating and under-exercising.

The OP didn't wake up the morning after the operation five stone heavier. I don't know about you, but I'd notice if I suddenly started not being able to fit into anything I owned by quite a large factor.