Angry,upset and hurt regarding partners words tonight

pukkamum

Person_one wrote: »

Genuine question here, what if it became impossible? What if your health or your partner's health led to you looking like a completely different person and not healthy at all and it was completely beyond your control? Would it still be important or would you each expect the other to put aesthetics aside and still love you just as much as they did when you were attractive?

A person's appearance changing due to ill health and not being able to do anything about it is very different to someone not caring enough to keep themselves clean and tidy or at trying to lose excess weight that they aren't happy about.

Debt-Free-Wannabee

Ive just come home in my dinner hour and very quickly read through most of the posts,tonight after work I will be able to answer some of your questions.

A few ask if we are married,no.We courted for 2 years and lived together for 9.Im 56 years old and 5 ft 10 inches,my partner is 53 years old and the same height as me.

The anger has disappeared right now and yes Im kicking myself because I asked him out right.
As for still being upset,well all I can say is Ive had a God awful morning at work and now I have to go back and finish the afternoon there.

A lot of you have spoken such true words even if they are hard for me to read on here but I feel I cant go on with him anymore,not just because of the words he said but also about how we,ve been together for a good while.

I will come back this evening but thank you for you advice.

lostinrates

Person_one wrote: »

Genuine question here, what if it became impossible? What if your health or your partner's health led to you looking like a completely different person and not healthy at all and it was completely beyond your control? Would it still be important or would you each expect the other to put aesthetics aside and still love you just as much as they did when you were attractive?

I am reading with fascination because this was exactly the position we found ourselves in. I've got better and worse, my care needs have gone Down significantly, my looks ....up and down.

Its interesting that what has most bearing on my self esteem and confidence and sexual drive is often not my health or the l
Level of care i have needed but my opinion of my looks at the time.

FBaby

Person_one wrote: »

Genuine question here, what if it became impossible? What if your health or your partner's health led to you looking like a completely different person and not healthy at all and it was completely beyond your control? Would it still be important or would you each expect the other to put aesthetics aside and still love you just as much as they did when you were attractive?

What became impossible? To lose any weight? I think these are only exceptional cases, like people on very high dose of steroids. Usually, if you require such a high dose, the last thing that would be on your mind for that time is how you'd look, more fighting for your life and health. I certainly wouldn't care one iota what my partner looked like then and neither would he. But it goes back to the initial thread, the OP said that her partner said he still loved her, jut not in a physical way (which usually mean being physically attracted to them).

FBaby

A lot of you have spoken such true words even if they are hard for me to read on here but I feel I cant go on with him anymore,not just because of the words he said but also about how we,ve been together for a good while.

I'm really sorry to read this. It would seem that the issue of physical attraction is only one aspect of why you are uspet, as others have pointed out, the icing on the cake.

You haven't responded to the question as to how you feel about yourself? In the end, that is all what matters. If you don't feel good about yourself, then you will need to do something about it, but it will be for you and you only.

tinkerbell28

FBaby wrote: »

What became impossible? To lose any weight? I think these are only exceptional cases, like people on very high dose of steroids. Usually, if you require such a high dose, the last thing that would be on your mind for that time is how you'd look, more fighting for your life and health. I certainly wouldn't care one iota what my partner looked like then and neither would he. But it goes back to the initial thread, the OP said that her partner said he still loved her, jut not in a physical way (which usually mean being physically attracted to them).

Very rare cases where you can't do anything about weight medically, it is just up to op whether she wants to.

We have this conversation sometimes....what would I do if he returned from work in pieces, badly burt and disfigured.

I'd still love him and care for him of that I'm sure. If he survived I wouldn't care what he looked like. I also think resuming our physical relationship would be a very low priority, if he were in rehab for years. Would that mean I didn't love him physically? :huh:

Takeaway_Addict

red_devil wrote: »

just say to him wonder what i think of you?

What would be the point in this?

itsanne

Person_one wrote: »

Genuine question here, what if it became impossible? What if your health or your partner's health led to you looking like a completely different person and not healthy at all and it was completely beyond your control? Would it still be important or would you each expect the other to put aesthetics aside and still love you just as much as they did when you were attractive?

That's an interesting question. Is it possible to really know the answer without being in the situation? Presumably it wouldn't just be the looks which changed. There might be personality / behaviour changes too, and loss of confidence, depression etc. Some people are better able to cope than others, and that goes for both the partner who changes and the other one.

Gigglepig

Debt-Free-Wannabee wrote: »

A lot of you have spoken such true words even if they are hard for me to read on here but I feel I cant go on with him anymore,not just because of the words he said but also about how we,ve been together for a good while.
.

So it sounds like there are other issues too...
But... I feel a bit sorry for your partner too that you are thinking of leaving him rater than addressing the weight/physical attraction issue, if that's the main problem. personally I'd be extremely hurt if my partner didn't seriously try to get to grips with the weight issue & work on putting the spark back in the relationship after 10+ years and just walked out...

Pee

To be honest a lot of people seem to be in relationships where a change in weight or something similiar, say a job can signal the end.

I suppose that we all have different deal breakers. Weight wouldn't be an issue for me, but I know from experience that I find depression very hard to deal with.

I would like to say that whatever health problems my OH faced I would be there by his side supporting him and loving him.

I am pretty confident that whatever the issues I would still fancy him physically, he is gorgeous, but can I imagine a scenario where after several years of illness I no longer found him mentally appealling... well, yes, if I am honest I think I can. I hope that situation never arises.

I wonder if there are other issues that are connected to the thyroid which are the real problem i.e. tiredness so you don't dress up and go out or find it easy to join in with fun things? I don't know what your lifestyle was in the past and whether this has changed.

Could you make an effort - and I appreciate that it may be an effort - to look your best and do something fun and romantic with him?

It may also be that due to his age his sex drive has decreased and he is confusing a natural hormonal change in him?