Angry,upset and hurt regarding partners words tonight

Gigglepig

I understand that it is hurtful but perhaps some of your anger and hurt is because of gaining so much weight in a short space of time? OP do you find yourself just as attractive now?

marisco_2

You two had a row. Tensions were probably running high and then you ask your husband if he loves you. He hesitates and doesn't want to reply for fear of upsetting you, but you push him for an answer. So he is under pressure, probably not thinking totally rationally and tells you that he doesn't love you physically any more. The bottom line is that with a weight gain of half your body weight, over a very short time frame, he doesn't find you as physically attractive as he did when you were at your ideal weight. I think a lot of people if they were totally honest with themselves, would react the same way to their partner suddenly changing so drastically. That is not being shallow, people cannot help what attracts them to others. A strong relationship that will last long term has to be based on far more than just physical attraction, but for many it is an important part of peoples connections to each other. What is important now is how he loves and supports you from this moment on.

Maybe your husband believed that your relationship was strong enough for him to be able to be totally honest with you, and that you could work through this situation together. It would appear that is not the case as you are considering asking him to leave. For you to be prepared to throw away an 11 year marriage over this makes me question what else has been going on. I think this incident is maybe the straw that broke the camels back rather than the main and only issue in your relationship. He could have worded his honesty much better, and if you had stayed and talked things through with him last night you may have got more clarity on the situation. Try sitting down calmly with him today and discussing all this. I hope you can work out a way together to move forward from this point positively.

Vicky123

Is it possible you've gone from Hyper to Hypo which is physically evident in the weight gain but what you can't see is the depression that's common in under active thyroid? Not excusing your husbans bluntness but there is more to be being hypothyroid than weight gain although that is often the most obvious sign as we are actually looking at every day.
I couldn't believe how much my mood lifted when I started thyroxine, maybe see the doctor and have it all checked out, your dose could be way too low.

lika_86

Just out of curiosity, everyone seems to be mentioning marriage in respect of the OP. Is this from previous posts? The OP only referred to her 'partner' and how they've been together 11 years.

tinkerbell28

lika_86 wrote: »

Just out of curiosity, everyone seems to be mentioning marriage in respect of the OP. Is this from previous posts? The OP only referred to her 'partner' and how they've been together 11 years.

I don't think it matters either way, although technically a marriage is harder to walk away from.

Acc72

Debt-Free-Wannabee wrote: »

Tonight we did have a row and I asked him if he still loved me because I get the feeling he dosent.

At first he said he wouldn't answer my question because it would upset me.I pressed him further and he said he dosent love the "physical" side of me anymore but he still loves me as a person.

I had my thyroid taken out 18 months ago,it was over active.I went down to 10 stone before it was taken out,once it went I ballooned to 15 stone.This is what Ive been for the past 6 months.

So, you knew that there was a problem and asked your husband.

At this point what answer were you expecting / hoping for ?

He said that he loved you but didn't go into details until you pushed him further.

Again, why did you push him further ? what answer were you expecting / hoping for ? was his answer really a complete surprise to you ?

Would you have preferred that he lied to you ?

martinthebandit

Debt-Free-Wannabee wrote: »

I had my thyroid taken out 18 months ago,it was over active.I went down to 10 stone before it was taken out,once it went I ballooned to 15 stone.This is what Ive been for the past 6 months

.:(

You are not going to like this post so please feel free to ignore it.

As someone who also had an overactive thyroid which went completely inactive after treatment I would like to say that increasing your body weight by over 50% cannot be all down to your medical condition.

You really do need to take a long hard look at what you are doing to yourself and do something about it, not for your husband but for yourself.

I would just like to add that my condition has been managed for the last ten years by taking thyroxine, yours will be too.

Good luck

Hermia

martinthebandit wrote: »

You are not going to like this post so please feel free to ignore it.

As someone who also had an overactive thyroid which went completely inactive after treatment I would like to say that increasing your body weight by over 50% cannot be all down to your medical condition.

You really do need to take a long hard look at what you are doing to yourself and do something about it, not for your husband but for yourself.

I would just like to add that my condition has been managed for the last ten years by taking thyroxine, yours will be too.

Good luck

I have an underactive thyroid and would certainly recommend that the OP ask her doctor or someone similar for advice. I know my GP did tell me she found that people with an underactive thyroid really do need to do regular exercise sessions to stay slim even if they are on the right level of meds. I did go to WeightWatchers to lose my 'thyroid' weight (it took a ridiculous length of time to get diagnosed so I did put on weight) and they were very helpful. The leader said she found thyroid people do lose weight slowly so suggested I aim for a pound a week.

It is a difficult problem. On the one hand you do expect a partner to love you even when you are going through a bad patch. But, obviously people can't help it if there are certain looks that attract them. I know with myself that when I put on weight it really goes on my face so it actually changes my whole appearance. Other people put on weight all over so don't seem to look that different.

DKLS

Poor sod didnt stand a chance, you really shouldn't push for answers that you dont want to hear.

Person_one

Ok, so there are some fairly good points here about taking care of yourself, how to manage the weight gain etc. Yes, they're useful.

However, I'm just going to talk about the relationship stuff. Your partner is supposed to love and support you through thick and thin and be the person you turn to in hard times. Once the initial pairing off stage is finished, physical attraction should be pretty far down the list of what matters.

I've seen couples cope with one partner changing beyond all recognition for medical reasons, couples where they've had to learn to wash and dress each other, empty each other's catheter and stoma bags, take each other to the toilet or rub cream onto each other's flaking and falling off skin. Loving your partner and being the partner they need you to be through illness is not usually sexy!

If he felt that you weren't taking care of yourself and your health, or that your relationship was suffering, then he should have initiated a sensitive conversation with you about it, not subtly let you know through his actions forcing you to bring it up.

Really, I find the idea pretty offensive that a woman has some sort of duty to remain looking her best all her life, even when her body's making it really difficult, and that if she doesn't its ok for her male partner to upset her and withdraw his support because of it.

I'm sorry he hurt you OP, I hope you can sort things out.