is his behaviour inappropriate

misssounsure

Mojisola wrote: »

It's not just one bad point, though. It underlies his whole approach to life.

VERY true! And now its taking over my life!!! I'd barely even given sexism blah blah a second thought till I met him! Now Its all I think about! draining.com

cod3

misssounsure wrote: »

I dont think he does change his behaviour at work! He once told me that he and another male colleague used to tell one particular female in their dept. that they could tell she was on her period just by looking at her and she ended up paranoid.. he was laughing so hard when he told me this... i almost split up with him there and then....

Charming.charming

coolcait

misssounsure wrote: »

What does jumped the shark mean?? (sorry if its obvious!)

Google....

misssounsure

Dunroamin wrote: »

If he's found that he can buy your good opinion simply by spending money on you, no wonder he has a low opinion of women.:(

No, hes just generous.. he is very kind and caring... he makes me a packed lunch for work sometimes! Brings me cups of tea.... washes my car... he just likes doing things for me

paulineb_2

misssounsure wrote: »

The thing is has has thought about it in great detail.. he even has a an old book I saw in a box of his which was all about how men are now discriminated against as the scales have tipped too far the other way. He sees at his work place where they work shifts, including night shifts that women sign up to the job then they get pregnant and demand to be put on day shifts, they turn up late, go home early because they have child care issues. He even believes its unfair that men have to wear suits and ties to look smart but women dont have to wear ties.

women are more hormonal than men... that is a fact I would say..

Men are discriminated against in the farmily courts...mums get custody over dads usually (not always but in general). Loads of other examples that he has pointed out to me!!!!

Alot of what he says does have some truth to it! (I would never admit that to him though!!!) If it was just that then that would be fine but its the fact he then puts women down with the jokes.

Some truth. But its ridiculous to take examples like that and use it as an excuse to demean women full stop

One man I worked beside had two kids and was regularly allowed to go home early from a shift because his stay at home partner was having some crisis or other. It affected other staff, but it was allowed. He was paid for that time and when I say crisis, it was never anything that couldnt have waited until clocking off time.

However that doesnt mean that my view of men are coloured because of that. That was just one individual. And it was also the workplaces fault for allowing him to behave like that. He demanded every boxing day off because it was his sons birthday, we worked shifts and the project was open 365 days a year, he got that day off every year. Its not just women who leave work early due to child issues, men do it as well.

And sometimes even though parents should be allowed flexible working hours when they have kids, some employers wont allow it.
He may change his mind when he has kids of his own.
Its actually unsafe for women to work certain shifts when pregnant, in particular nightshifts. When someone in my workplace got pregnant 15 years ago they were taken off nightshifts straight away.

Men dont have to wear suits and ties in every job, but in one job I was told I had to wear a skirt, ridiculous as my job was office based and other male staff in the office got wearing jeans and trainers (I wasnt expecting them to have to wear a dress, just that I also could wear jeans and trainers).

Its ridiculous of your bf to pick out a few examples of how he sees women being treated better just because of how some people behave in his workplace.

And if his workplace were really interested in helping working women, they might provide childcare for their female employees.

Its actually sad that some men allow their view of women to be coloured by a few examples of things and not see the bigger picture.

But its sadder that this seems to take up so much of your boyfriends time and energy.

paulineb_2

misssounsure wrote: »

I just kept thinking of all his good points... he probably told me this right after he did something great for me (hes always just buying me things say if something of mine breaks..i dropped my phone, it broke, next day he comes home with a new phone for me!)

I've always just told myself this is his only bad point..hes amazing in all other ways but to be honest i wish i'd ended it ages ago as no amount of good points can make up for this one VERY annoying trait!!

But you didnt. So all you can do is decide where you go from here.

Frugalbride

misssounsure wrote: »

I dont think he does change his behaviour at work! He once told me that he and another male colleague used to tell one particular female in their dept. that they could tell she was on her period just by looking at her and she ended up paranoid.. he was laughing so hard when he told me this... i almost split up with him there and then....

Think you have your answer there.

Mojisola

misssounsure wrote: »

This is EXACTLY one of his points... men are now laughed at etc... there are a lot of examples of men being made to look silly, useless etc and that really annoys my boyfriend as he really does believe that men are now discriminated against

But you only have to look around to see that it's still more of a man's world than an equal one. He might be able to pick up on a few small issues but they don't reflect the whole picture.

The sitcoms I think are a normal reaction to the years of men treating women as inadequate - the pendulum swinging too far until it reaches equilibrium. I don't like women or men being shown, as a group, to be useless or stupid or hopeless.

There have been a lot of strong women on both sides of my family and a lot of very good men. They set a good example of how a couple can be better than the sum of the halves but only when there is a lot of respect for each other as well as love.

misssounsure

paulineb wrote: »

Some truth. But its ridiculous to take examples like that and use it as an excuse to demean women full stop

One man I worked beside had two kids and was regularly allowed to go home early from a shift because his stay at home partner was having some crisis or other. It affected other staff, but it was allowed. He was paid for that time and when I say crisis, it was never anything that couldnt have waited until clocking off time.

However that doesnt mean that my view of men are coloured because of that. That was just one individual. And it was also the workplaces fault for allowing him to behave like that. He demanded every boxing day off because it was his sons birthday, we worked shifts and the project was open 365 days a year, he got that day off every year. Its not just women who leave work early due to child issues, men do it as well.

And sometimes even though parents should be allowed flexible working hours when they have kids, some employers wont allow it.
He may change his mind when he has kids of his own.
Its actually unsafe for women to work certain shifts when pregnant, in particular nightshifts. When someone in my workplace got pregnant 15 years ago they were taken off nightshifts straight away.

Men dont have to wear suits and ties in every job, but in one job I was told I had to wear a skirt, ridiculous as my job was office based and other male staff in the office got wearing jeans and trainers (I wasnt expecting them to have to wear a dress, just that I also could wear jeans and trainers).

Its ridiculous of your bf to pick out a few examples of how he sees women being treated better just because of how some people behave in his workplace.

And if his workplace were really interested in helping working women, they might provide childcare for their female employees.

Its actually sad that some men allow their view of women to be coloured by a few examples of things and not see the bigger picture.

But its sadder that this seems to take up so much of your boyfriends time and energy.

Yes I agree with you! I'm totally drained of it all! He'll say things like, "well women want equality but only on their terms... for example they want equal pay to men in sports etc but yet they wont compete with men... it is men against men and women against women? Why? because women cant run as fast as men, they aren't as strong etc so that is why you have "ladies" football and mens football etc..." I can never think of very good comebacks to him when he says these things to me!!!

Thanks so much for all your advice..i promise not to give u any more painful examples of his views!!!! x

itsanne

misssounsure wrote: »

I dont think he does change his behaviour at work! He once told me that he and another male colleague used to tell one particular female in their dept. that they could tell she was on her period just by looking at her and she ended up paranoid.. he was laughing so hard when he told me this... i almost split up with him there and then....

Sorry, I don't get it. Not only did you accept this, you're still making excuses for him.

In answer to your original question, no. but you already know that.