is his behaviour inappropriate

Funky_Bold_Ribena

misssounsure wrote: »

he would just say that is because women are in general (not all of course) but in general physically they are less strong... they are weaker and that is a fact but i guess the point is so what.. women may be better at other things.. communication as a poss eg.

One major thing that I find very annoying is that when you ask him his views on pregnancy and a woman growing a life, giving birth etc his view is "its just nature isnt it".. not "its amazing how a woman's body grows her baby " etc etc... it is "just nature"

What's his point again, women can't play in men's teams because the men won't change the rules and allow women in, so either women want it on their terms, or they are not allowed as they are far too weak...he can't have it both ways.

Seems like whatever the issue is, it is women's fault every time.

I'm afraid I could not get past the bullying of a female colleague, even if I could get past the jokes.

itsanne

misssounsure wrote: »

But u say in answer to my original question... "no" . I think you mean yes?? .. yes his behaviour is unacceptable

Yes his behaviour is unacceptable.

I got so frustrated reading this thread that I posted too quickly and thought you'd asked if his behaviour was acceptable.

Apart from the lack of humour in his "jokes", they are upsetting you, he has a big chip on his shoulder and his behaviour towards a colleague is utterly repugnant. There's a real nastiness in finding it funny that someone can be genuinely distressed by his behaviour, and it would worries me that he is so oblivious of this that he actually told you about it rather than being ashamed and apologetic.

paulineb_2

Its just so tedious. I couldnt be with someone who went on and on and on about this subject all the time.

Say it once, prepare to be challenged and then !!!!!!.

And maybe read some history books while you are at it.

I feel sorry for him actually, growing up with a father who shaped his view of the world when he could have been a nicer person otherwise

But having been with someone whose views on life were coloured by his father, Im just glad Im not the person whose living with him and his attitudes to women

And my ex has a young daughter, I feel very sorry for his wife and child, because no amount of cash (he has plenty), will make up for being with someone who really doesnt like women.

Mojisola

misssounsure wrote: »

he would just say that is because women are in general (not all of course) but in general physically they are less strong... they are weaker and that is a fact but i guess the point is so what.. women may be better at other things.. communication as a poss eg.

This is a very tired old argument!

Men used to think we shouldn't educate girls - their brains are weaker and will overheat and explode - let them do what they are good at - child rearing and house keeping.

misssounsure

itsanne wrote: »

Yes his behaviour is unacceptable.

I got so frustrated reading this thread that I posted too quickly and thought you'd asked if his behaviour was acceptable.

Apart from the lack of humour in his "jokes", they are upsetting you, he has a big chip on his shoulder and his behaviour towards a colleague is utterly repugnant. There's a real nastiness in finding it funny that someone can be genuinely distressed by his behaviour, and it would worries me that he is so oblivious of this that he actually told you about it rather than being ashamed and apologetic.

Yes he totally has a large chip on his shoulder!!!!! I don't know why I doubted myself so much.. you guys have really made things clearer/obvious for me!!

meritaten

I cant help thinking that it doesn't matter what 'we' on the forum think. its YOUR life and if you feel that this guy disrespects women (albeit in a 'jokey' way) and you cant handle that. then that is your right and I think you should end the relationship.

Pechow

misssounsure wrote: »

Men are discriminated against in the farmily courts...mums get custody over dads usually (not always but in general). Loads of other examples that he has pointed out to me!!!!

Maybe a random thing to comment on, but why not-in the US this is because men are much less likely to ask for custody in the first place. When they do, they're actually quite likely to get sole or joint custody.

http://www.villainouscompany.com/vcblog/archives/2012/04/child_supportcu.html

http://divorcesupport.about.com/b/2011/12/28/child-custody-there-is-no-gender-bias-during-custody-decisions.htm

In a quick glance I couldn't find any statistics for the UK that weren't from dodgy sources.

As for the thread topic proper, there doesn't seem much else to be said. I couldn't stand being around someone who was making "jokes" at the expense of another group of people, to the extent of bullying in the workplace-that's just awful.

itsanne

misssounsure wrote: »

I don't know why I doubted myself so much.. you guys have really made things clearer/obvious for me!!

But please don't make any decisions about what you want to do with this relationship based just on what a pile of strangers have said on the internet. Take time to digest the points you are considering. It's your life, and only you know how you feel /would feel in the long run, whatever you decide.

marisco_2

I agree with meritaten. You come across on here as an intelligent young woman who has been raised well, and can identify when other people behave in ways that make you question their approach to life.

You have only known this guy for a few months, far to short a time to have really got to know him well. In the early stages of a relationship many people are on their best behaviour, and most people accept that you don't really start to see someone's true self immediately. Already though as per the examples in this thread, he has said and done things that have concerned you and made you feel uneasy about him.

Don't settle for someone who carries on like this. There is plenty of time to meet and get to know a great guy who will treat yourself and all those around him well, who wont come with lots of issues and weird and wonderful ideas. Seriously who needs to be coupled up with someone, where they wonder what will come out of their mouth next that could embarrass them and others.

Vicky123

It's more than jokes then, complaining about women getting responsible job, bet he doesn't think they should be doing tradition male jobs either.
I think upbringing trumps intelligence, if you've been reared to believe men are more entitled, even in small things, it becomes ingrained, works the other way too, girls brought up to be care givers, looking after their man.
That might be all well and good if the man is bringing in a substantial wage, treating the woman like a delicate little flower and both are happy with the arrangement, but more likely he has a substitue mother who never quite cuts the mustard and spends her entire time trying to do the impossible, while he enjoys his manly pursuits, whatever those may be.
Do I sound cynical and world weary?