is his behaviour inappropriate

Funky_Bold_Ribena

misssounsure wrote: »

He's just so great In all other ways though...I know no one is perfect
and I worry I'll end it and maybe never meet anyone else who has his great qualities....kind caring generous interesting and does so much for me just cos he's kind etc. But then I guess I need to accept that a future person may not have all his qualities but won't have his bad points!! I think I worry as I see some friends who have been single for years because they are too picky! Wanting a perfect partner etc...but I guess theres a difference between having high standards and being too picky

I think he is kind, caring and generous because it's 6 months into a new relationship. He soon loses this when he is with friends, family and at work. So...how long til the facade drops and he starts bullying you?

January20

OP, have you thought about what will happen in future if you carry on with this relationship? It's a very young relationship so he is probably very in love and trying to impress you. what will happen to his attitude towards you when it all settles down? When you've been together for a few years and he has nothing to prove anymore? When he won't want to impress you? What if you were to have children? To split up? Would he be so happy to curb his sexist attitude?

I don't understand the whole behaviour towards his female colleague. What's so funny about bullying a woman about a natural process such as her periods? It's so immature! Down right stupid!

I'd also be concerned that this man responds to "pack mentality". He is sexist with his father and his friends. He is sexist at work with his male colleagues. I'd be concerned how far he would allow himself to be led by other men. Again, I am thinking in a scenario that wouldn't be so positive for you OP

fluffymuffy

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

I think he is kind, caring and generous because it's 6 months into a new relationship. He soon loses this when he is with friends, family and at work. So...how long til the facade drops and he starts bullying you?

I think there was a post a couple of paged back where someone was getting married 6 month into the relationship :eek:

paulineb_2

fluffymuffy wrote: »

I think there was a post a couple of paged back where someone was getting married 6 month into the relationship :eek:

Yes, but Im sure that does happen, people meet and decide to marry quickly

Id love to know whats interesting about being a raging sexist bore.

misssounsure

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

I don't think 'having respect for women' is being too picky, especially when you are yourself, a woman. I don't think it is 'having high standards' either. For me, that's the basics.

I agree!!! I think I need to listen to myself and not my mother! Her view when I asked her is yes he has his downsides but he's stopped the comments around her as he knows we don't find it acceptable..she thinks he's is so great in so many other ways that I should overlook this but the problem is I cant. I think you are right in that wanting my partner to respect women should be considered a basic requirement and not me being picky or high standards

misssounsure

This_Year wrote: »

So why didn't you?

Because of his great qualities and all the fantastic things about him. + scared I would end it and regret it... Also it was one comment at that time... Most men crack the odd sexist joke don't they..just as women crack the odd male jokes...its just the build up of it all and how constant it was. He has toned it right down around me and my t family but only because he knows we don't like it. He told me he finds the jokes comments etc funny but knows we don't so he he will tone it down

paulineb_2

misssounsure wrote: »

Because of his great qualities and all the fantastic things about him. + scared I would end it and regret it... Also it was one comment at that time... Most men crack the odd sexist joke don't they...its just the build up of it all and how constant it is

Id like to know a few things if thats ok. What are his good qualities?
Where did you meet? Im assuming it wasnt through friends as youve said all his mates are sexist.

And what age is he?

Funky_Bold_Ribena

misssounsure wrote: »

I agree!!! I think I need to listen to myself and not my mother! Her view when I asked her is yes he has his downsides but he's stopped the comments around her as he knows we don't find it acceptable..she thinks he's is so great in so many other ways that I should overlook this but the problem is I cant. I think you are right in that wanting my partner to respect women should be considered a basic requirement and not me being picky or high standards

Just to add some context here; if you were black and he was white and he was racist, would she be happy just because he toned it down when she was there? I suspect not.

Better to be single than ground down by incessant 'jokes' that may lead to deeper issues being taken out on you once you are married or have a child with him.

Mojisola

misssounsure wrote: »

Also it was one comment at that time... Most men crack the odd sexist joke don't they...its just the build up of it all and how constant it is

It's not an odd sexist joke, though. It's his whole frame of reference for dealing with the world.

If one of my employees had behaved like that towards a female colleague, he would have been given a serious warning. It's totally unacceptable. Knowing that he not only bullied another person like that but found it really amusing and told other people about it shows his true colours.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

misssounsure wrote: »

Because of his great qualities and all the fantastic things about him. + scared I would end it and regret it... Also it was one comment at that time... Most men crack the odd sexist joke don't they..just as women crack the odd male jokes...its just the build up of it all and how constant it is

No. They really don't! If women just expect sexism all the time then that's what they will get.