is his behaviour inappropriate

Mojisola

FBaby wrote: »

I didn't post further as it became clear that my views were not that of anyone here (for a change!). The above is exactly my point. This forum is full of women who love to make a point that no man unless absolutely perfect are worthy of a relationship. I clearly live in another world where the best relationships are those where compromise rather than perfection is of flavour.

I'd hate to be married to a perfect man because then I'd have to try to be perfect too and I'm not!

Dumping a good man because he says stupid things when everything else is great seems mad to me, having gone through 5 years of being single and knowing how hard it is to find a man with good values who treats you well. My view and clearly mine only

Not necessarily.

It sounds as if you've got a good man who makes some "sexist" comments that you sometimes find amusing and sometimes ignore. His comments don't seem to be a reflection of his values because of the way he behaves.

Would you feel the same if he had laughed and told you the story about him and another man making a female colleague so uncomfortable that she felt paranoid?

We do have to take people as a whole, the good and the bad - as long as we can tolerate their "bad" bits. That's an individual decision for each of us to make.

marisco_2

FBaby wrote: »

This forum is full of women who love to make a point that no man unless absolutely perfect are worthy of a relationship.

Not one person on this thread has said that. I also haven't read it on others threads either. Can you please provide examples of this. You seem only to be able to put your point across by slating others on here instead of just expressing your view. Why is that?

paulineb_2

Id never expect any man to be perfect, Im far from it myself. What I cant put up with is abuse of any kind, because Ive been with two people who had serious issues re the way they viewed and treated women and 25 years on, I still struggle at times with some of the things that were said to me and done to me. It wasnt cracking sexist jokes, it was being put down all the time and horrible letters written to me when he was working away, detailing all my faults. Thats just part of it, I could write a book. That might not sound as if someone had issues with women, just with me, but I bet that Im not the only ex gf he has who got similar treatment. Thats a big part of why Ive stayed single for so long, because my last relationship was also not positive and I wont settle for that again. Theres a massive difference between thinking someone has to be perfect and not wanting to be in a relationship with someone who is negative towards you the majority of the time.

We all have our tolerance levels, mine will be different from the next persons but Id never settle for something that irritated me greatly and caused me concern

And if anyone ever spoke to my mum in a way that was rude, dismissive or sexist, their feet wouldnt touch the ground.

Lunar_Eclipse

I wouldn't tolerate it.

The comments are incredibly ignorant, rude and juvenile. I would ask him if he is aware of what he is doing (in terms of what it says about him) and if he still thought it was appropriate, that I had no interest in spending any more time with him. If he really thinks ALL women can't do certain things, such as drive (especially when statistics say otherwise), then I'd have to ask why he would want to have any close relationships with women.

Clearly he doesn't think women are inferior deep down, so why act like he does?

misssounsure

paulineb wrote: »

Are you prepared to put up with all this to be in a relationship?

And apart from his views is this relationship heading towards marriage anyway?

Its not heading twds marriage at this rate. I don't want to settle but I DO want marriage and kids...I'm very broody but of course I don't want kids with the wrong person. However I'm worried I wont meet Mr right... I'm not putting myself down but I'm just average looks (I'm realistic!) If I end up 40 and single and childless i would never be happy. I desperately want to be a mum one day and yes I would rather have kids with the wrong person than not at all... That may sound awful and selfish etc but I'm an extremely maternal person, been broody since I was very young. I personally know If I.don't have kids one day I will never be happy. I just don't want to leave him and never meet anyone better... I'd rather settle than be alone single and childless but that is just me and I know its not most people's view.

Errata

If you're a maternal person, start practising and train the BF in acceptable behaviour.

misssounsure

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

I wouldn't tolerate it.

The comments are incredibly ignorant, rude and juvenile. I would ask him if he is aware of what he is doing (in terms of what it says about him) and if he still thought it was appropriate, that I had no interest in spending any more time with him. If he really thinks ALL women can't do certain things, such as drive (especially when statistics say otherwise), then I'd have to ask why he would want to have any close relationships with women.

Clearly he doesn't think women are inferior deep down, so why act like he does?

Totally agree. Except I think he does deep down think they're inferior. He said once hes like he is cos his whole life at school, on tv progs etc there was this constant telling girls they are just as good as boys etc, not just as good but better etc... He says its not true. Girls/ women aren't better than men. I can see his pov. Women were oppressed for years , now the pendulum is swinging a bit too much the other way ... In his work if u are a female, black, lesbian u will be more likely to get a promotion than a straight white male

seven-day-weekend

fluffymuffy wrote: »

I think there was a post a couple of paged back where someone was getting married 6 month into the relationship :eek:

We got married after four months.



We're still together 42 years later.:beer:

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I suggest, if you are daft enough to get pregnant by this specimen, that you look into travelling to countries that offer terminations for gender selection.


Because NO female child deserves to grow up believing that she is of lower worth than anyone else due to the messages she constantly gets from her own father, grandfather and their friends.




Put the things said and implied in a list;

Your 'lovely bloke' thinks you're weaker,
unable to cope with pressure,
can't manage to put petrol in your car,
can't drive safely,
won't need the slightest bit of consideration when pregnant because you're just an animal and it'll be an irrelevance to him,
you need him to come and sort out your phone problems because you're unable to take care of one or choose a replacement,
thinks it's OK to pester unrelated women about whether there's blood coming from her vagina or not
and generally thinks you're a bit crap, really,

- purely on the basis that you have a womb and ovaries and not a penis and testicles.




For the love of a God I don't even believe in - why are you that desperately needy and clingy?



******************


Seriously, I've worked in all male environments most my adult life - most of my mates are male. I get treated with exactly the same amount of [dis]respect as everybody else - not one of them actually believes any of that tripe your potential sperm donor does.

So, occasionally, I'll get 'while you're there, love, that's three beers and make me a sammich' when heading to the fridge, but that's taking the mick out of sexism and themselves as well as me. It's not insulting me, my intelligence or my capabilities.




But this person? He's a pig. My mates would HATE him and if I had started dating somebody like it, they would have all had quiet words with me soon afterwards, asking me what the frack I thought I was doing wasting myself on him.


But then again, I wouldn't have been dating him by now. I'm worth more than that.



Why aren't you?



************

Actually, why would you need to settle down with this one? Just get up the duff and disappear - if he doesn't first. Saves your kid the abuse and self image issues they'd have as a result of being subjected to him.

paulineb_2

misssounsure wrote: »

Its not heading twds marriage at this rate. I don't want to settle but I DO want marriage and kids...I'm very broody but of course I don't want kids with the wrong person. However I'm worried I wont meet Mr right... I'm not putting myself down but I'm just average looks (I'm realistic!) If I end up 40 and single and childless i would never be happy. I desperately want to be a mum one day and yes I would rather have kids with the wrong person than not at all... That may sound awful and selfish etc but I'm an extremely maternal person, been broody since I was very young. I personally know If I.don't have kids one day I will never be happy. I just don't want to leave him and never meet anyone better... I'd rather settle than be alone single and childless but that is just me and I know its not most people's view.

You might never be happy but youd still get through every day and live your life

Im over 40, single with no kids, but I can assure you of one thing, Id rather have the life I have now than be my ex boyfriends new wife who has an 18 months old child with him.

I can appreciate you feel broody, but do you honestly think that having kids in a relationship thats less that productive is fair on children, its not just about you, its about them as well

I have a friend who is very unhappily married, he and his wife had two kids in quick succession to try and patch up their marriage and it didnt work but they are still together, miserable.

If you would rather settle, be prepared for an unhappy life and I dont mean meeting someone who has no faults and who is perfect, I mean settling for someone who you know isnt right for you, but putting up with it because you want marriage and children so badly

And has it occurred to you that the more time you spend with people who arent right for you, the less likely it is you'll meet someone else, because you arent out there getting on with your life just now.