is his behaviour inappropriate

misssounsure

CH27 wrote: »

You are bonkers & extremely selfish. You would be saddling your child with an oaf for a father.
What happens if you have a girl? Can you imagine how hellish her life would be?

I'm not bonkers thanks...just broody! I did say that that the thoughts I was having re kids was selfish so didn't need u to reiterate that point thanks

Vicky123

OP this guy is throwing up more red flags than you can shake a stick at, as someone said further back he is still in the trying to impress stage of your relationship, everyone is great at that point.
Once normal life started then the jokes can become very serious, he will see you the way he sees all women, maybe all this house proud stuff is just letting you know how he likes things for when you will be expected to take over.
If you were to have children and it didn't work out you would be saddled for life to someone who inherently dislikes what you are, female.
Don't get drawn into positive discrimination arguments or family are to blame because you will always be able to find a way to excuse him, that enables him to become even worse, and I say that with the belief that mostly this stuff begins in the home, but you don't need to make it your problem.

VestanPance

zagfles wrote: »

As an example, when I was at uni I went out with a girl whose parents had a big house with a tennis court, I stayed with them for a few days and I had a game of tennis against my gf. She thrashed me. Her dad and brother took the p**s out of me the whole w/e for "losing to a girl". To me it was blatently obvious she'd beat me as she'd grown up playing tennis with a court at her house whereas I'd played about 10 games in my life! Yet just because I was a bloke I was expected to beat her?

The guy described by the OP sounds like an idiot.

What you've described sounds like fairly normal male banter. They probably expected you to give a little ribbing back.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

misssounsure wrote: »

I don't see his point re any of his sexism and "jokes" etc. I just see his point that in his work place white men are effectively discriminated sometimes because women are promoted simply because in his work they are very pro equality so they like to promote groups of people who were discriminated against in the past... Black people, gay people and women. His work have done so much to cut discrimination that it is a fact that if u are black or gay or a woman u will more likely get promoted than a straight white male .for me personally its annoying as it doesnt help womens causes! (We want to get the job cos CIS we are bestr at the job not gt it cos we are female and it makes the stats look . sorry for mistakes I'm writing on my phone and it won't let me correct spelling etc mistakes!!

Have you considered the possibility that the reason why everybody else has been promoted above him and his mate is because they are misogynistic bullies that they would sack if they got half a chance/somebody prepared to risk making an official complaint about him - and that's why he's bitching about it?

VestanPance

There really is nothing more absurd in this world than a white protestant heterosexual male in a western country claiming they are persecuted or being held back.

misssounsure

Vicky123 wrote: »

OP this guy is throwing up more red flags than you can shake a stick at, as someone said further back he is still in the trying to impress stage of your relationship, everyone is great at that point.
Once normal life started then the jokes can become very serious, he will see you the way he sees all women, maybe all this house proud stuff is just letting you know how he likes things for when you will be expected to take over.
If you were to have children and it didn't work out you would be saddled for life to someone who inherently dislikes what you are, female.
Don't get drawn into positive discrimination arguments or family are to blame because you will always be able to find a way to excuse him, that enables him to become even worse, and I say that with the belief that mostly this stuff begins in the home, but you don't need to make it your problem.

You're right I shouldnt get drawn into the positive discrim arguments! Hes not going to expect me to do all the housework/cooking etc.. his dad does 50 50 with his mum in the home... its "just words" but still words is more than enough!! Its very annoying and thank you everyone for all your posts and confirming to me that I'm not actually just being over-sensitive/ "unable to take a joke" on this topic!

FBaby

Would you feel the same if he had laughed and told you the story about him and another man making a female colleague so uncomfortable that she felt paranoid?

Well I haven't read the whole thread, but reading the first two pages, I thought OP was stating that his behaviour was not one of a sexist man, so took it that his words didn't go further than that. If indeed his actions and true beliefs are sexist, then of course, it is totally different.

Not one person on this thread has said that. I also haven't read it on others threads either. Can you please provide examples of this. You seem only to be able to put your point across by slating others on here instead of just expressing your view. Why is that?

Almost every thread when a poster complains about one aspect of their partner's behaviour leads to posters responding that that person should be dumped. It makes me laugh because I always wonder how many posts it is going to take and sure enough, it comes any time from post 2 to page 2!! So maybe it isn't about perfection, but surely it takes more than one negative issue to mean that a relationship is forcibly better ended?

What surprises me to is that female stereotyping men happens all the time and nobody seems to be bothered about it. I hear it all at work amongst colleagues who have no problem talking about how all men are this and all men are that, explaining why theirs act one way or the other.
You even get that 'aren't men daft' in one female magazine about supposed funny jokes about men. How is THAT not sexist, yet perfectly accepted by all women readers.

In the end OP, it is up to you. I see a man who likes banter and has a questionable sense of humour, but who is a good boyfriend but for this. He has made an effort to stop doing it in front of you, but clearly that's not good enough. Dumping him because of this might be the best decision you will make or the worse. In the end, you have to go with your gut feeling.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

misssounsure wrote: »

I know what you're saying but positive discrim does exist oin his work place. People who clearly are not the best at the job getting jobs or promotions because his work want to fill quotas... Get x number of women in top jobs rather than just saying let's employ the best people and not even consider bother about wherthey're men or women. It just adds fuel to his already annoying views!!

Seriously? Men have been getting jobs since jobs were invented just because they were men. Now it's the other way round and all the men start crying 'it's unfair'. And even in companies that I know of that do try to encourage under represented groups to apply, the person who get the job still has to do the job...otherwise they don't survive. If he isn't getting promotions perhaps he needs to look a bit closer at his attitude and behaviour.

TopQuark

VestanPance wrote: »

There really is nothing more absurd in this world than a white protestant heterosexual male in a western country claiming they are persecuted or being held back.

Absolutely. I went to a diversity workshop at work recently (I work for a single, large organisaion (10,000+ people), of which ~ 90% of the workforce are male). One of the things discussed was the concept of 'unearned advantage' - where white is superior to other skin colours, able-bodied is superior to disabled, male is superior to female etc.

Thus, if you are a white, able-bodied, heterosexual male in today's western world, you're holding the best hand.

And if you can't play this hand well, what does that say about you...or more precisely, what does it say about your boyfriend OP? It's easier to blame other people than to face up to your own inadequacies, easier to make yourself feel better by putting others down. It's also incredibly spineless and pathetic. Characters like this are absolutely loathsome and really are the crud at the bottom of the barrel.

Get rid of this useless specimen OP before he drags you down.... good luck!

Mojisola

FBaby wrote: »

What surprises me to is that female stereotyping men happens all the time and nobody seems to be bothered about it. I hear it all at work amongst colleagues who have no problem talking about how all men are this and all men are that, explaining why theirs act one way or the other.

You even get that 'aren't men daft' in one female magazine about supposed funny jokes about men. How is THAT not sexist, yet perfectly accepted by all women readers.

Maybe it's the type of woman who reads that kind of magazine. It's not acceptable to me.