is his behaviour inappropriate

Funky_Bold_Ribena

TopQuark wrote: »

Characters like this are absolutely loathsome and really are the crud at the bottom of the barrel.

Just highlighting this ^. 100% agree. It's always someone else's fault isn't it?

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Mojisola wrote: »

Maybe it's the type of woman who reads that kind of magazine. It's not acceptable to me.

Perhaps they read that sort of thing because they need a magazine that says 'you poor women, all men are daft'...a bit like some men and their need to see breasts on page three of their [supposed] NEWSpaper. Newsflash - women have breasts. Get over it.

zagfles

VestanPance wrote: »

The guy described by the OP sounds like an idiot.

What you've described sounds like fairly normal male banter. They probably expected you to give a little ribbing back.

I know - this particular situation wasn't a big deal. I was just highlighting that this sort of banter, which is very common, can only come from an attitude that simply being male should be such a big advantage that even a woman with far more experience shouldn't be better.

Living with this sort of thing day in day out (eg from a parent with the attitude of the OPs bf) could easily destroy someone's self-confidence and cause them to feel a failure. Perhaps that's how he was brought up, and explains the chip on his shoulder?

paulineb_2

FBaby wrote: »

Well I haven't read the whole thread, but reading the first two pages, I thought OP was stating that his behaviour was not one of a sexist man, so took it that his words didn't go further than that. If indeed his actions and true beliefs are sexist, then of course, it is totally different.



Almost every thread when a poster complains about one aspect of their partner's behaviour leads to posters responding that that person should be dumped. It makes me laugh because I always wonder how many posts it is going to take and sure enough, it comes any time from post 2 to page 2!! So maybe it isn't about perfection, but surely it takes more than one negative issue to mean that a relationship is forcibly better ended?

What surprises me to is that female stereotyping men happens all the time and nobody seems to be bothered about it. I hear it all at work amongst colleagues who have no problem talking about how all men are this and all men are that, explaining why theirs act one way or the other.
You even get that 'aren't men daft' in one female magazine about supposed funny jokes about men. How is THAT not sexist, yet perfectly accepted by all women readers.

In the end OP, it is up to you. I see a man who likes banter and has a questionable sense of humour, but who is a good boyfriend but for this. He has made an effort to stop doing it in front of you, but clearly that's not good enough. Dumping him because of this might be the best decision you will make or the worse. In the end, you have to go with your gut feeling.

Two wrongs dont make a right though do they? I certainly dont talk about men and say, all men do this, all men do that.

And you'll get all kinds of jokes, jokes about fat people, jokes about blondes. Theres umpteen jokes that are a bit questionable and no Im not the humour police, I like someone to have a sense of humour as well.

But this is someone going on and on and on, hes said things to her mum. Its just not necessary.

Do people need to keep at it, if they have views about something that might be a bit questionable. I said before Id find that tedious, oh here we go again, going on about women. Or anything else.

Theres a fine line between someone with a decent sense of humour and someone who is in danger of turning into the pub bore.

Its tough enough being female at times. Im in my 40s and I can still remember being subject to sexism at school from certain male teachers who tried to discourage me from doing certain subjects, one subject I had been studying for 2 years and I was told dont go further with it, when I insisted, I was told, "thats a womans attitude".

I dont imagine my brother got the comment "thats a mans attitude" when he was 16 and debating what Highers to take.

Ive had my !!!! pinched in the pub by random strangers, because of course thats what some idiots do, they think they can touch you up.
I was also assaulted in a very public setting and I know thats an extreme situation, but its part of the same issue, some people think its acceptable to treat a woman like a piece of meat.

And at the sharp end Ive seen family treated horrendously by partners, mental and physical cruelty.

I dont have an issue with men, I dont think all men are like that. Im totally aware that men can be assaulted and abused as well and that stats on the subject probably arent valid because a lot of men wont report abuse due to the stigma surrounding it.

But seriously, if this man wants to boo hoo becauses he thinks women are overtaking men or that they are beginning to get equal rights and he doesnt like it. Maybe he should actually do some research and see what life is like for women in some other countries in the world. That women are still treated very much like second class citizens.

I read a story recently about a woman called Manal-al-Sharif who was jailed because she drove a car in saudi arabia. It was interesting reading.

The argument about women are as bad as men really doesnt hold water with me, because it doesnt make outdated and borderline offensive attitudes towards women acceptable.

And theres nothing wrong with having a sense of humour, but its much more than that with the OPs partner

Ive also not told her to dump him, Ive made clear, her decision, she needs to think it over.

zagfles

TopQuark wrote: »

Absolutely. I went to a diversity workshop at work recently (I work for a single, large organisaion (10,000+ people), of which ~ 90% of the workforce are male). One of the things discussed was the concept of 'unearned advantage' - where white is superior to other skin colours, able-bodied is superior to disabled, male is superior to female etc.

Thus, if you are a white, able-bodied, heterosexual male in today's western world, you're holding the best hand.

And if you can't play this hand well, what does that say about you...or more precisely, what does it say about your boyfriend OP?

Exactly the same attitude I described above - but from a different angle. Being male is such a big advantage that if a woman proves herself better than you at anything, then you're a failure.

Utter bull, of course. Plenty of women are better than me at plenty of stuff, for a variety of different reasons. I don't give a t*ss if some some sexist men or loony feminists wants to label me as a failure because of this.

It's strange how much old fashioned sexist men and loony feminist types actually have in common

lazer

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

Seriously? Men have been getting jobs since jobs were invented just because they were men. Now it's the other way round and all the men start crying 'it's unfair'. And even in companies that I know of that do try to encourage under represented groups to apply, the person who get the job still has to do the job...otherwise they don't survive. If he isn't getting promotions perhaps he needs to look a bit closer at his attitude and behaviour.

It was unfair when the men were getting the jobs simply because they were men and the women were right to start crying its unfair and try to change things.
If in some cases women are getting jobs simply because they are women, then that is also unfair, and the men are right to start crying that its unfair and try to change things.

Whats good for one is good for the other

The best person for the job is the person that should get the job regardless of gender, race, religion etc.

No wonder men are thinking the pendulum has swung too far, this thread has demonstrated exactly why - people are stating that because women suffered discriminination for years, it doesn't matter if men do now or not - this is not equality, equality is about every person being treated to equal.

OP - what you do is your decision, but a few jokes don't matter in the grand scheme of things. I'm Irish and I'm sure you know there are a million jokes about the stupidity of the Irish - but they are like water of a duck's back at this stage - and I even find some of them funny, the same way as I find jokes about other non PC things funny, so its about your personality and his and overall compatability.
Don't be desperate to settle as you want children, only settle with someone who males you happy most of the time, ignore what other people think, and do what makes you happy.

PS - for those on this thread that have suggested training the man - if a man said he was training his woman to behave better, would some not class that as unacceptable?

(For the record - I am female, but don't agree with positive discrimination, as for it to be positive for one person, it is negative for another)

FBaby

Maybe it's the type of woman who reads that kind of magazine. It's not acceptable to me.

Maybe not to you, but clearly many do, and it is acceptable enough to be laid out in a magazine available to anyone, even kids. My point is that it might not be acceptable to SOME, but it is acceptable to many. What that man is doing is not totally out of the norm, rightly or wrongly.

Two wrongs dont make a right though do they? I certainly dont talk about men and say, all men do this, all men do that.

I don't either, but the fact these women do doesn't make them sexist, men hater. They moan, make general comments about men, and gosh do they have a giggle about it after a few drinks. Yet they are loving women who are actually happy married for most of them.

I'm from a different country and I can't count any longer the jokes that I've been subjected to directed to my culture emphasizing stereotypes that are quite pathetic frankly. I do find them boring, having heard them all over and over. Do I judge the people saying these things as being racist and terrible people not worth being friends with? No, I don't, I either ignore them or laugh with them and move on. I do believe that some people do need to light up and take themselves less seriously.

paulineb_2

I dont think anyone has said its ok if men suffer discrimination now.

When the pendulum was so far the other way to begin with do people really think that women have complete equality now?

I certainly dont. This is about a man who wont stop going on about how women are inferior and whose father makes jokes about pregnant women being fat and someone who has laughed at a woman colleague because shes having her period

The thing about jokes are, they should be funny.

Im struggling to see the humour in the way this man conducts himself

Lunar_Eclipse

misssounsure wrote: »

Girls/ women aren't better than men. I can see his pov.

I agree. Neither gender is unanimously superior to the other. Doesn't everyone know that? It's pre-school level thinking surely?

zagfles

FBaby wrote: »

Maybe not to you, but clearly many do, and it is acceptable enough to be laid out in a magazine available to anyone, even kids. My point is that it might not be acceptable to SOME, but it is acceptable to many. What that man is doing is not totally out of the norm, rightly or wrongly.



I don't either, but the fact these women do doesn't make them sexist, men hater. They moan, make general comments about men, and gosh do they have a giggle about it after a few drinks. Yet they are loving women who are actually happy married for most of them.

I'm from a different country and I can't count any longer the jokes that I've been subjected to directed to my culture emphasizing stereotypes that are quite pathetic frankly. I do find them boring, having heard them all over and over. Do I judge the people saying these things as being racist and terrible people not worth being friends with? No, I don't, I either ignore them or laugh with them and move on. I do believe that some people do need to light up and take themselves less seriously.

Agreed - but I think there's a bit more to it in the case of the OP's bf, from what she's written. He seems to be angry about stuff, which is all very well and quite possibly justified, but he seems to be venting his anger in the wrong direction, partly through "humour". At least that's the impression I get, could be wrong...