is his behaviour inappropriate

misssounsure

paulineb wrote: »

As I said, I got every promotion I got because I was the best person for the job

And I was also turned down for several because I wasnt the best person for the job, that is just the way it goes.

His work are trying to do something about certain groups being discriminated against? Good. Thats a positive thing.

Because no one should be discriminated against in the first place because they are black, gay, female or disabled as well.

Thats the point. No one should have an unfair advantage against another person. And if positive discrimination is going too far and the wrong people are getting jobs simply because they fall into a certain category, all I can say is, over years of interviewing people for jobs, the successful candidates were the ones who impressed most in interviews, no more and no less.

I know what you're saying but positive discrim does exist oin his work place. People who clearly are not the best at the job getting jobs or promotions because his work want to fill quotas... Get x number of women in top jobs rather than just saying let's employ the best people and not even consider bother about wherthey're men or women. It just adds fuel to his already annoying views!!

paulineb_2

misssounsure wrote: »

I know what you're saying but positive discrim does exist oin his work place. People who clearly are not the best at the job getting jobs or promotions because his work want to fill quotas... Get rather than just saying let's employ the best people and not even consider bother about wherthey're men or women. It just adds fuel to his already annoying views!!

But it doesnt excuse them.

Dunroamin

misssounsure wrote: »

I know what you're saying but positive discrim does exist oin his work place. People who clearly are not the best at the job getting jobs or promotions because his work want to fill quotas... Get x number of women in top jobs rather than just saying let's employ the best people and not even consider bother about wherthey're men or women. It just adds fuel to his already annoying views!!

What you and your charming beloved don't seem to understand is that positive discrimination is illegal in the UK.

poet123

I think it will be very hard for you to change an attitude he has absorbed by his upbringing.

I think it is a fact that on occasion all men make sexist jokes, just as all women do. TV now is full of ads showing men as incapable, just as years ago they were full of the "little woman" type ads. They are made because market research clearly says we find them amusing in small doses. I do have to say that I find some of the ads really very patronising towards men and if they were aimed at women they wouldn't be given the airtime. So, I do agree that the pendulum has swung too far in that respect.

However, if it is serious, repeated, and occurs in the workplace as well then I think you have to accept that the "jokes" really do reflect his attitude to women and that he does really believe they are inferior. I couldn't live with that.

On the point of female bias in the workplace, I do think that this attitude will become more prevalent as many people do think that pregnancy confers special concessions on women. One of my sons works in a legal team where one women has had 3 children in 4 years and all the Mat leave that goes with it. Effectively, this has meant that the team has been one down for all that time as management simply won't cover her job, they just share out the caseload. Team feeling of both men and women is that she is milking the system.

If you really want to be with this man I would sit him down and tell him bluntly he is sexist, that you see this as a deal breaker and that if he wants the relationship to continue he needs to stop it now. Then he is in no doubt how you feel. Monitor it and see how it goes, ultimately, I doubt he will change but you will have tried.

paulineb_2

The Equality Act only permits favouring an under-represented minority where everything else is equal.

To be honest, all the black lesbians that the OPs partner is talking about could very well have been the best people for the job.

Some women are very good at what they do. Unless the OPs bf was part of the decision making process that hired these women (black, white, straight, gay), hes not exactly being objective about whether they are the right ones for the job

CH27

misssounsure wrote: »

Its not heading twds marriage at this rate. I don't want to settle but I DO want marriage and kids...I'm very broody but of course I don't want kids with the wrong person. However I'm worried I wont meet Mr right... I'm not putting myself down but I'm just average looks (I'm realistic!) If I end up 40 and single and childless i would never be happy. I desperately want to be a mum one day and yes I would rather have kids with the wrong person than not at all... That may sound awful and selfish etc but I'm an extremely maternal person, been broody since I was very young. I personally know If I.don't have kids one day I will never be happy. I just don't want to leave him and never meet anyone better... I'd rather settle than be alone single and childless but that is just me and I know its not most people's view.

You are bonkers & extremely selfish. You would be saddling your child with an oaf for a father.
What happens if you have a girl? Can you imagine how hellish her life would be?

zagfles

misssounsure wrote: »

I don't see his point re any of his sexism and "jokes" etc. I just see his point that in his work place white men are effectively discriminated sometimes because women are promoted simply because in his work they are very pro equality so they like to promote groups of people who were discriminated against in the past... Black people, gay people and women. His work have done so much to cut discrimination that it is a fact that if u are black or gay or a woman u will more likely get promoted than a straight white male .for me personally its annoying as it doesnt help womens causes! (We want to get the job cos CIS we are bestr at the job not gt it cos we are female and it makes the stats look . sorry for mistakes I'm writing on my phone and it won't let me correct spelling etc mistakes!!

Yes, he has a point, and also about the other issues of sexism which make him angry. I agree with him. Also try looking round the jokey section of a card shop! Far more anti-male sexism than anti-women! And strange how it's such an issue that only 5% of the top company directors are women, but it's not an issue that only 5% of the prison population are women!

BUT - and this is the crucial point - if he then goes around using this sort of thing as an excuse for his sexism, then he's a hypocrite! Just like all the posters on this thread who reckon that it's OK to denigrate men now because women were denigrated in the past! You'll never eliminate discrimination and bigotry if you use use it on a tit-for-tat basis.

He also needs to stop blaming women for things which were probably decided mainly by men. If he sees women getting promoted ahead of men at work, whose fault is it? Just like 100 years ago when the Titanic went down - and women were given priority over men on the lifeboats, who decided this? Hint - it wasn't a woman. And a few years later when men were conscripted to fight down the trenches?

Perhaps you could quote these examples if he thinks men get a rough deal now

But I think the bottom line here is that he really believes women are inferior. Perhaps that's shaped by experience, for instance if he's had useless female colleagues/bosses and sees them rising higher than he thinks they should. My experience is the exact opposite...I work in quite a female dominated workforce (most of the management and top experts are women) and I have to say it's the best environment I have worked in - if anything it's men who have been overpromoted.

kitrat

misssounsure wrote: »

Thanks, I can't be bothered re training him though and I don't think its even possible! He has stopped the comments around me but says things when I'm out of earshot.... I can't be with someone like this .. always wandering what he saying. Even if he stops saying things he still thinks these things

Good for you

The only way to stamp these sexist (etc.) people out is to stop them from procreating!

zagfles

CH27 wrote: »

You are bonkers & extremely selfish. You would be saddling your child with an oaf for a father.
What happens if you have a girl? Can you imagine how hellish her life would be?

Or even a boy. Particularly one who didn't live up to the "superior" image he'd expect.

As an example, when I was at uni I went out with a girl whose parents had a big house with a tennis court, I stayed with them for a few days and I had a game of tennis against my gf. She thrashed me. Her dad and brother took the p**s out of me the whole w/e for "losing to a girl". To me it was blatently obvious she'd beat me as she'd grown up playing tennis with a court at her house whereas I'd played about 10 games in my life! Yet just because I was a bloke I was expected to beat her?

Growing up with this sort of expectation of inherant superiority when you don't live up to it would be just as bad or worse.

kitrat

paulineb wrote: »

The Equality Act only permits favouring an under-represented minority where everything else is equal.

To be honest, all the black lesbians that the OPs partner is talking about could very well have been the best people for the job.

Some women are very good at what they do. Unless the OPs bf was part of the decision making process that hired these women (black, white, straight, gay), hes not exactly being objective about whether they are the right ones for the job

Well precisely, I mean would you hire this guy? He's clearly a complete t*t and if his colleagues are anything like him then they are simply not suitable for the job!