is his behaviour inappropriate

j.e.j.

If you swapped the word 'women' for 'black people' or 'Jews', it might give you some idea of how repugnant it is, what he's doing.

It used to be 'funny' to make racist jokes, too, though thankfully since that Shilpa Shetty/Jade Goody business it's a real no-no these days.

Unfortunately we're still expected to laugh along when someone is being offensive or prejudiced towards females, and anyone who doesn't gets labelled a bra-burner or professional offence-taker! I wonder if it will ever change.

quidsy

Anyone partronising my mum like that would have been dragged over coals for it. I married a man from a developing country which has very traditional ideas about women but he who has never made a derogatory or sexist comment to me or anyone else in his life. This guy knows better but choses to use the "joke" excuse in order to exercise his mysogyny. You go into the relationship with your eyes well open, if this gets worse you only have yourself to blame Iimo.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

If my DSD's boyfriend said anything like that to me driving, I'd stop the car and tell him to get out and walk to be honest.

marisco_2

In truth I would find it really hard work to be around people like your boyfriend and those he associates with. None of the comments you have shared with us are amusing. They just sound like ignorant remarks made by people lacking in the ability to make interesting or stimulating conversation. I think that people who feel the need to do this have some kind of inferiority complex. They would bore me rigid in no time. Personally I would dump him and move on.

FBaby

marisco wrote: »

In truth I would find it really hard work to be around people like your boyfriend and those he associates with. None of the comments you have shared with us are amusing. They just sound like ignorant remarks made by people lacking in the ability to make interesting or stimulating conversation. I think that people who feel the need to do this have some kind of inferiority complex. They would bore me rigid in no time. Personally I would dump him and move on.

Well, none of the above would apply to my OH one bit. Yes, he can be a bit childish in that way, but he is the most responsible person I know and most importantly, the most house pride I've ever met. He cooks, does she shopping, do most of the cleaning and iron his own clothes. I have no problems at all having serious conversations with him. That's why his comments make me laugh, because they are so in absolute contrast to the person he really is. It is just the way he is, just as you seem to be a person who takes life quite seriously who some people would find incredibly boring.

I agree that if it bothers the OP so much, she should dump him, I'm sure he will find another woman who can rise above it, put it down to a boyish attitude yet who will appreciate that he actually is a good man.

paulineb_2

misssounsure wrote: »

I've been dating someone for 6 months now. I've always found him to be very kind, caring and generous. However I noticed he would tell the odd sexist joke. I initially just laughed along and it didn't really bother me but in the past week I've met his friends and his family and realised they are all quite sexist!

They all constantly make comments about how women cant do certain things... drive etc... his dad will say about his wife "she cant do that.. she's a woman" .. it is all said clearly as a joke but it is so annoying as it is constant. One day we were in a car park and someone mentioned they had been in a small car crash and his dad said "was it a woman driving?" everything that comes out his dad's mouth is jokes about women.

When I met one of his close friends this friend was constantly leering and women and saying things like "phwooorr look at that" and being very derogatory (I know guys can be like that on a night out but this was a sunday afternoon on the second occasion I met him!) It made me cringe!

My boyfriend has always made the odd few sexist remarks around me but I didnt realise how bad he was at it until he was round his family and friends!!

The icing on the cake was when my boyfriend met my family for the first time and he cracked a joke about female pilots on their periods crashing planes at certain times of the month. He was then 'jokingly' patronising to my mum when she drove us home one day but stalled.. he said "there, there.... you can do it dear" and when a car pulled in front of us he said "bet its a woman driver"

The thing is none of it is being serious..it is all joking but i'm finding it extremely annoying!

I've spoken to my boyfriend about all this and explained it makes me feel uncomfortable and that I dont like it (I'm not the sort of person to take huge offence at the odd sexist joke it's just when it is constant!) My boyfriends view is that it is all just a joke and I should lighten up although he did concede that it is a bit much and has stopped the comments around me. I know only I can decide if I think this behaviour is acceptable but I'd really appreciate other peoples views... would you continue to see a guy you like who has so many great qualities but who is a little sexist with some of his remarks/jokes or would you not be able to put up with it?

I wouldnt like someone cracking sexist jokes around me.

However, I think you need to look at the overall picture. Some people end up in relationships with people who treat them like something thats been scraped up off the bottom of their shoe, so if this is the only thing that gets on your nerves and the rest of the time he treats you well Id be saying the following

1. Tone it down
2 If you need to be around his family and friends and they constantly make comments that are putting women down, you wont be in a hurry to spend any more time with them
3 No comments like that to your mum again

If he wont change, this isnt really about the sexism, its about you being upset about something and him being unwilling to realise how its upsetting you

At that point Id be having some second thoughts and do something about it.

marisco_2

FBaby wrote: »

Well, none of the above would apply to my OH one bit. Yes, he can be a bit childish in that way, but he is the most responsible person I know and most importantly, the most house pride I've ever met. He cooks, does she shopping, do most of the cleaning and iron his own clothes. I have no problems at all having serious conversations with him. That's why his comments make me laugh, because they are so in absolute contrast to the person he really is. It is just the way he is, just as you seem to be a person who takes life quite seriously who some people would find incredibly boring.

I agree that if it bothers the OP so much, she should dump him, I'm sure he will find another woman who can rise above it, put it down to a boyish attitude yet who will appreciate that he actually is a good man.

:rotfl:

Who are you trying to convince? A clear case of 'the lady doth protest too much'

quidsy

Lol, I am facepalming at the suggestion that any women not wiling to "rise above" his disrespectful behaviour is somehow the one in the wrong.

Hermia

I personally could not put up with it. Having been around people who constantly make sexist/racist/homophobic jokes I know how wearing it can be.

OP - if children are in your future plans how do you think your OH will behave around a daughter? Having seen my friend's ghastly husband make sexist remarks and 'jokes' to his 8 year old daughter it's not something I would wish on any girl.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

FBaby wrote: »

Well, none of the above would apply to my OH one bit. Yes, he can be a bit childish in that way, but he is the most responsible person I know and most importantly, the most house pride I've ever met. He cooks, does she shopping, do most of the cleaning and iron his own clothes. I have no problems at all having serious conversations with him. That's why his comments make me laugh, because they are so in absolute contrast to the person he really is. It is just the way he is, just as you seem to be a person who takes life quite seriously who some people would find incredibly boring.

I agree that if it bothers the OP so much, she should dump him, I'm sure he will find another woman who can rise above it, put it down to a boyish attitude yet who will appreciate that he actually is a good man.

If they make you laugh they must be funny then - right?