Solution required - but can't find one.

Scorpio33

Ignore the fact it is a holiday, and lets call it a present.

You are complaining that your ex is giving your son a present and not your daugther.

Not your problem - it is him that is letting down his daughter. OK your daughter will be upset, but with HIM, not you.

Tell your ex that these two weeks are his to do what he wants with his kids.
If he then chooses to only think about his son and not his daughter, then that is a reflection on HIM - don't try and change this or do anything to make up for HIS failings.

j.e.j.

Deleted_User wrote: »

My argument is the kids come as a package, not one one week, the other another. I need him to take them together so I get a break and child care enabling me to have a week at work without juggling.

This topic is going to come up year after year, unless its resolved. But he is never never ever going to NOT go to Blandford, esp as he could argue he is denying our son his passion too.

I have thought a lot about this, but I cant see a fair solution for everyone.

DD is now making noises that DS is going away with Daddy and she isn't getting the same Daddy time and its not fair. She is right. In my mind Daddy should be choosing a holiday that suits both his children, not indulging in his passion which happens to suit DS too, and DD just has to like it or lump it.

To be fair, your son and daughter aren't really a 'package', and are likely to have different interests, especially as they grow older.

If your ex has always gone to this boring thing, and your son likes it too it's not fair to say they shouldn't go. If there's three of them and two out of three like it, why change on behalf of the one who doesn't?

Scorpio33

j.e.j. wrote: »

To be fair, your son and daughter aren't really a 'package', and are likely to have different interests, especially as they grow older.

If your ex has always gone to this boring thing, and your son likes it too it's not fair to say they shouldn't go. If there's three of them and two out of three like it, why change on behalf of the one who doesn't?

I agree with this, but then the "two weeks with daddy" should be a different time of year. Just because the ex wants to go on a jolly for a week it shouldn't mean that the TIME spent with his daughter is sacrificed.

I would make him aware how it would look to the daughter - ie son is getting something and she isn't, but it is his decision if he wants to do that.

Spendless

Prior to this year how did ex go to Blandford? I mean did he go as a day trip? Or did you all go and camp for a few days? Would a possibility be for the future that he has the kids in different weeks to when Blandford is going on and does Blandford as a day trip with son, whilst you get a girlie day with daughter?

[Deleted User]

peachyprice wrote: »

You do the same as he has, you tell him when you are going. And he can take time off work/make arrangements for the children while you are away.

He's a parent, he's going to have to sacrifice some of his 5 weeks holiday a year to look after the children, same as he would if you were still together, he can't just take time when it's convenient for him.

If you take a week out during term time can his parents do the school runs?

For the foreseeable future its unlikely I will be going holidaying without the children, I prefer to spend my money and time on them. If in the future I have extra and can treat myself to champneys, then :T.

No his parents can't do school runs, they don't live in the same town, are both disabled and dont drive. The practicalities don't work. However they are able to look after them for a day, over night is harder and they can't access the children's bedroom. Luckily the kids are pretty much self sufficient and require direction and reminding than actual doing of tasks.

[Deleted User]

poet123 wrote: »

What I really meant is that the ex will need to work harder to find things that his daughter is interested in whereas typically (though obviously, not always) it will come easier to him to do that for a son. I agree that this in the case in this situation.

I don't think the fact that he is wanting to take a son who is interested in x as opposed to a daughter who isn't is favouring the son. If the daughter had been the interested party and he had still wanted to take the son that would be the case.

Yes, that's true. I spoke to him this morning about it all, will post that next and I think (thanks to the advice and clarity given here) we have sorted out this situation.

[Deleted User]

Spendless wrote: »

Prior to this year how did ex go to Blandford? I mean did he go as a day trip? Or did you all go and camp for a few days? Would a possibility be for the future that he has the kids in different weeks to when Blandford is going on and does Blandford as a day trip with son, whilst you get a girlie day with daughter?

Interesting question, thanks spendless.

Blandford is a long drive for us, so we would go down for 4 days, 2 travelling, 2 there. But everybody felt it wasn't long enough to enjoy the efforts of driving, setting up camp before it all had to be reversed to come home.

So a few years ago when we were still together I suggested making it 6 days, 2 travelling, 4 there. This has worked better and I still think its sensible.

Anyway, result, having spoken to ex this morning we agreed I would speak to DD. He would still like her to come but respects her choice as it was him that gave her one. I did and she still maintains that she wants to stay with me. She has asked if she can have some special daddy time this weekend when he has the children and he readily agreed to that. As he lives with his parents this is easily possible.

I have made it clear though that next year if he goes, 2 days blandford, 2 days something else, both of which appeal to her. He agrees this is fair.

He has also said he will take them both somewhere for a few days in half term details to be discussed in September. I mentioned my email and wanting to meet up, he agreed but as yet not chosen one of my dates. I will follow this up after blandford if he hasn't.

So thank you everybody for your help in this, I've been able to see more clearly and can avoid the pitfalls in the future.

Bennifred

Well handled, bailey!:beer:

poet123

A good outcome and very maturely handled by both sides it seems. Meriten take note.;)

jackomdj

I haven't read it all but I would not give her a choice. As well as the steam stuff they have a fun fair with lots of stuff and various bits for children.

Also I would not give him the option of you looking after her - his week, he should make other arrangements. Having said that I am sure you would be unhappy if your DD was left with friends or relatives for a week.