Solution required - but can't find one.

gravitytolls

Deleted_User wrote: »

DD was saying it was boring as he took her to a mini 1 day version of what they would be doing this august back in May. Again it was something Ex and son wanted to do and DD had to go with them. She decided she really didn't like it and told her father. It was him that said to me that she would find Blandford boring, so she'd be better off staying with me. At the time I agreed, despite feeling put out at having to cover his childcare, but I didnt want DD to spend 6 days unhappy and bored. In hindsight that wasn't the best decision, but its too late to go back at this stage.

And there's your lightbulb moment.

Look, it's early days, it's only been a year since you split, you're still finding your feet with regard to how you're gonna manage childcare and be able to
state your case without feeling you're being unreasonable, or he's being unreasonable or worrying that you're harming the children.

By next year you'll have a better idea of how you want things to work which is fair for all and know how to state your case.

Takeaway_Addict

Deleted_User wrote: »

Before we separated, I went away with my mum for 2 long weekends for a spa break or for a day's pampering. It kind of justified him having Blandford and going up the yard to restore his truck every fortnight.

But now as a single parent, I can barely afford to take my children and myself away, let alone treat myself too.

I have recently started my own self employed business, so I need to be mindful of keeping my customers happy too and take minimal leave until i'm established.

Fair play, though do make sure you do do things for yourself as well

[Deleted User]

Poppy9 wrote: »

Okay this puts a different slant on it. It's not the activity that is boring, it's the company. He is clearly making no effort to engage your DD or perhaps he feels unsure/uncomfortable with her because she is a girl and he worries about bathing/toilet things etc. He is fine with supporting her with these things, always has been a hands on dad. Cant fault him there

Family life is about compromise. DD and myself spent a day at Cape Canaveral with OH as he really wanted to do it and mostly me and DD found it dull/boring but..... we didn't pout or be miserable we made the best of it and we had a laugh as a family. It was an educational visit for DD she learnt what an anorak was :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Ok, so from what I can see is, i'm guilty of trying to solve and fix this issue, when really I should have just let him get on with it and deal with an unhappy child. He's guilty of being selfish and not thinking of both his children.

Ah well these pitfalls will happen, learning curve and all that!!!

Thanks for your advice and opinions. I'm tempted to ask him if its not too late for DD to join them, but I have lined up some DD friendly activities for next week and I think DD and EX would be put out at this late stage.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Deleted_User wrote: »

Ok, so from what I can see is, i'm guilty of trying to solve and fix this issue, when really I should have just let him get on with it and deal with an unhappy child. He's guilty of being selfish and not thinking of both his children.

Ah well these pitfalls will happen, learning curve and all that!!!

Thanks for your advice and opinions. I'm tempted to ask him if its not too late for DD to join them, but I have lined up some DD friendly activities for next week and I think DD and EX would be put out at this late stage.

Why would they be put out? It's his week and she is moaning that she isn't going to see him? She won't actually die of boredom!

Poppy9

Deleted_User wrote: »

He is fine with supporting her with these things, always has been a hands on dad. Cant fault him there.

Yes but when he lived at home she was only just coming out of toddler stage, you were there and now she is a growing girl and he's not used to be around her so for long periods so might be daunted by looking after her for a week alone.

[Deleted User]

gravitytolls wrote: »

Course he's not doing much, you're doing it, and while he knows you will, he won't. Agreed.

Not because he's being a delibarate pain, just because it's easy, when you were together I expect it was you who organised and planned; again not necessarily because he's lazy but because he learned early on that you are reliable. Some people are just like that. Yes I did, I organised everything as he just can't think in advance, I'm too organised

Step back, let go, tell hm and the kids, 'this is when you're going to be together', then don't plan anything, just ask them if they had a nice time when they get back.

Will do next time.

But you know there will then be a thread of "Help kids with daddy and Mummy doens't know what to do with herself" :rotfl:

[Deleted User]

Poppy9 wrote: »

Yes but when he lived at home she was only just coming out of toddler stage, you were there and now she is a growing girl and he's not used to be around her so for long periods so might be daunted by looking after her for a week alone.

She was 4 and approaching starting primary school. I don't feel its an issue about caring for her. I think its about "well I have always done Blandford and its not changing now, this will be your annual holiday with me as i'm not doing anything else".

Anyway, despite what some may think, I have worked damm hard to try to keep my kids as undamaged and unaffected as possible, despite everything that has happened these past 13 months. I try not to use them as pawns and never bad mouth their father to them. It was my idea to put photos of themselves with him in their rooms and to encourage phone calls and contact. It was me who contacted a charity specialising in separation, when I realised we needed to tell the children what was happening. Ex was making all the decisions, I was dealing with the consequences.

meritaten

on this page all I have seen is 'You' and 'His' responsibilities - what about the 'Kids'? your DD finds this sort of event boring after one day at an event - and you expect her to spend SIX days being bored out of her mind? so that you both fulfil the 'requirements'? stop being so bloody selfish and think of the kids! I can sympathise with DD - I would be bored silly after five minutes!
grow up and THINK about how you can give both children quality time with dad - without putting yourself first.

poet123

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

Why would they be put out? It's his week and she is moaning that she isn't going to see him? She won't actually die of boredom!

I agree, if she is moaning she won't see Daddy, then say OK, you go with him. Tell him she has changed her mind. Then step back.

I think your last post, tongue in cheek though it was meant to be is part of the issue....and that is fine, it will be hard for you to be left and wonder what is going on, but if you want me time that is how it is going to have to be. Deep breaths...;)

poet123

meritaten wrote: »

on this page all I have seen is 'You' and 'His' responsibilities - what about the 'Kids'? your DD finds this sort of event boring after one day at an event - and you expect her to spend SIX days being bored out of her mind? so that you both fulfil the 'requirements'? stop being so bloody selfish and think of the kids! I can sympathise with DD - I would be bored silly after five minutes!
grow up and THINK about how you can give both children quality time with dad - without putting yourself first.

I think that is extremely unfair. It is not the op who is choosing this type of holiday.