Solution required - but can't find one.

[Deleted User]

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

Why would they be put out? It's his week and she is moaning that she isn't going to see him? She won't actually die of boredom!

Because I think they are looking forward to boys time, but your right she won't die of boredom. Ex is going with one of his friends (male), so that might also make the sleeping arrangements interesting.

Can't decide if its best to mention it to Ex first or DD. If DD changes her mind and goes, Ex will feel like i'm changing to goal posts without consulting him (although he does it to me all the time). If I consult Ex first and DD doesnt want to go still, I've had a difficult conversation for the sake of nothing.

Anyway i need to go to bed. I'll think more and see in the morning.

Thanks everyone for your opinions.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Deleted_User wrote: »

Because I think they are looking forward to boys time, but your right she won't die of boredom. Ex is going with one of his friends (male), so that might also make the sleeping arrangements interesting.

It sounds like he has nicely orchestrated some boy time, and managed to erase his daughter out of the picture nicely.

[Deleted User]

meritaten wrote: »

on this page all I have seen is 'You' and 'His' responsibilities - what about the 'Kids'? your DD finds this sort of event boring after one day at an event - and you expect her to spend SIX days being bored out of her mind? so that you both fulfil the 'requirements'? stop being so bloody selfish and think of the kids! I can sympathise with DD - I would be bored silly after five minutes!
grow up and THINK about how you can give both children quality time with dad - without putting yourself first.

Sorry is that aimed at me or my Ex? Because that is exactly why I have posted, so both children have quality time with their dad, not just one.

I have done nothing but think of my kids since the day he left, its been bloomin' hard work, but they are my kids and they are worth it.

chalkiesalem_2

Personally i think 5 is too young to be dictating where you want to go. Regardless i have been 2 this steam fair twice, once with my son who was about 5 at the time and he loved it. He is not into steam engines (nether am i) but there is so much to do there. If she went she would prob enjoy it

[Deleted User]

poet123 wrote: »

I agree, if she is moaning she won't see Daddy, then say OK, you go with him. Tell him she has changed her mind. Then step back. Hmmm tempting!!

I think your last post, tongue in cheek though it was meant to be is part of the issue....and that is fine, it will be hard for you to be left and wonder what is going on, but if you want me time that is how it is going to have to be. Deep breaths...;) Absolutely!!

Thank you.

[Deleted User]

chalkiesalem wrote: »

Personally i think 5 is too young to be dictating where you want to go. Regardless i have been 2 this steam fair twice, once with my son who was about 5 at the time and he loved it. He is not into steam engines (nether am i) but there is so much to do there. If she went she would prob enjoy it

Not for 4 days on the trot!! 1 day at a push maybe...

Bennifred

Deleted_User wrote: »

Not for 4 days on the trot!! 1 day at a push maybe...

And that should really be for your ex to cope with, not you. There are worse things than being bored, and at least your daughter would be spending time with her father.

[Deleted User]

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

Why would they be put out? It's his week and she is moaning that she isn't going to see him? She won't actually die of boredom!

Correction I meant DS and Ex, not DD. Sorry, getting late!!

rozmister

meritaten wrote: »

on this page all I have seen is 'You' and 'His' responsibilities - what about the 'Kids'? your DD finds this sort of event boring after one day at an event - and you expect her to spend SIX days being bored out of her mind? so that you both fulfil the 'requirements'? stop being so bloody selfish and think of the kids! I can sympathise with DD - I would be bored silly after five minutes!
grow up and THINK about how you can give both children quality time with dad - without putting yourself first.

Why is it her responsibility to sort out how the father has quality time with HIS children?!?! They're as much his as they are hers and yet he has DS for 1 week and OP has him for the other 51 weeks (bar the one night a week he spends at the fathers) and at present she's having DD for 52 weeks a year (bar one night a week at dads) because she doesn't want to go to the steam fair and the father can't commit to another week for her instead. She's already tried to put her child first when she said she could stay at home putting her out but it's not her responsibility to look after the father and sort his life and time with the children as well as bring up their two children.

The person being selfish is the father who isn't prepared to consider his daughter and her feelings. It's his responsibility to look after his children, care for them and accommodate them as much as it is the OPs. It took two to make them and it should be both of them bringing them up equally and making the same amount of effort.

cheepskate_2

OP, If you had still been a family, would you all have went together?

If you would not , and daughter said she did not want to go , would she then have stayed at home or went with dad?