Solution required - but can't find one.

maman

esmerelda98 wrote: »

All this talk of you letting a child 'dictate' seems highly inappropriate to me. I would certainly send both children to their father on the week allocated for their holiday. It is good for the siblings to holiday together, with their father. However, parents making holiday decisions without considering the needs of the whole family is selfish, disgraceful parenting, and in your position I would certainly be working gently or furiously, whichever is required, behind the scenes to try to make the father realise that the decent thing to do is to require everyone to compromise. Him included.

However if despite my efforts he still refuses, I would try to take a few days out at a different time to do things that the daughter especially likes, but take along both children. As previously mentioned, on his holiday week he would have both the children.

I may have misunderstood but I can't really see the logic of the reasoning here.

If we let children opt out of everything they considered 'boring' many probably wouldn't ever go to school or read a book or a hundred and one other things that adults know are in their best interests.;)

If both children go on both holidays (including the extra one suggested for the daughter) then surely that's exactly what the 'don't let them dictate' camp (like me) are proposing. The parents choose the venue and the children go along and make the best of it.

Personally I don't think the dad is being selfish here. Presumably he gets about 5 weeks holiday plus weekends a year and he wants to use 6 days of that to go to the steam fair. He's willing to take the children. His son enjoys it. From what more informed posters have said there's plenty to do there including fairgrounds and things. Plus there's the fun of camping, cooking and sleeping in a tent which most children enjoy.

For the longer term then I think a ready response like ' mummy and daddy need to talk about this' before any snap decisions are made is the best policy. I seem to recall 'We'll see...' was one of my mother's favourite phrases.

rozmister

maman wrote: »

I may have misunderstood but I can't really see the logic of the reasoning here.

If we let children opt out of everything they considered 'boring' many probably wouldn't ever go to school or read a book or a hundred and one other things that adults know are in their best interests.;)

If both children go on both holidays (including the extra one suggested for the daughter) then surely that's exactly what the 'don't let them dictate' camp (like me) are proposing. The parents choose the venue and the children go along and make the best of it.

Personally I don't think the dad is being selfish here. Presumably he gets about 5 weeks holiday plus weekends a year and he wants to use 6 days of that to go to the steam fair. He's willing to take the children. His son enjoys it. From what more informed posters have said there's plenty to do there including fairgrounds and things. Plus there's the fun of camping, cooking and sleeping in a tent which most children enjoy.

For the longer term then I think a ready response like ' mummy and daddy need to talk about this' before any snap decisions are made is the best policy. I seem to recall 'We'll see...' was one of my mother's favourite phrases.

Even now my Mum say's "we'll see" and I'm like "that means no!!". It's a bit of a joke now though because I'm 24 not 4.

fannyanna

Glad you found a solution OP.

And it's nice to see someone take on board different opinions graciously.

esmerelda98

maman wrote: »

I may have misunderstood but I can't really see the logic of the reasoning here.

If we let children opt out of everything they considered 'boring' many probably wouldn't ever go to school or read a book or a hundred and one other things that adults know are in their best interests.;)Well, I'm quite traditional when it comes to raising children, so I'm certainly not one for pandering to them. However, there is IMO a big difference between expecting children to do things which are good for them, but which they find boring or unpleasant and expecting them to do something which confers no particular benefit to them, when it's meant to be an enjoyable and fun time for all the family, simply because it's what the father wants. This isn't about teaching life lessons. Surely when planning a family holiday the parent thinks, 'Right, where can we go that we'll all have something to do that we enjoy.' Not, 'This is what I like, the kids can like it or lump it, not really bothered.'

If both children go on both holidays (including the extra one suggested for the daughter) then surely that's exactly what the 'don't let them dictate' camp (like me) are proposing. The parents choose the venue and the children go along and make the best of it. It may be that some in that camp do think as I do, but you still seem to be my crucial point about the decision about the nature of the holiday the parents choose being based on what would appeal to all members of the family. Not necessarily equally, but there should be something for everyone.

Personally I don't think the dad is being selfish here. Presumably he gets about 5 weeks holiday plus weekends a year and he wants to use 6 days of that to go to the steam fair. He's willing to take the children. His son enjoys it. From what more informed posters have said there's plenty to do there including fairgrounds and things. Plus there's the fun of camping, cooking and sleeping in a tent which most children enjoy.I can't quite believe that you think it is acceptable that he has five weeks holiday but spends six days of it with his son, who just happens to share his interest, and none with daughter. Why not just pick another week for their family holiday, and have the steam fair as an optional extra? However, if he cannot afford both, his children should not come second to his hobby.

For the longer term then I think a ready response like ' mummy and daddy need to talk about this' before any snap decisions are made is the best policy. I seem to recall 'We'll see...' was one of my mother's favourite phrases.

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gravitytolls

Nice one Bailey, good result all round. x