Solution required - but can't find one.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Deleted_User wrote: »

Sorry but at some point in the year I do need a week child free which I am not getting at all. And why should I have to cover 2 weeks of his child care responsiblities?

If I reversed the tables onto him and said right i'm having 2 weeks separately with each child and you can cover my childcare, he would soon have issues with that.

His annual leave isn't solely used on the children, he uses some for himself. I don't have that luxury.

Do it. See what happens.

pops5588

The problem is that if all the plans are changed, then suddenly instead you would have your son complaining that he missed out on something he loves because of his sister.

Part of the reason I don't want kids is because whatever you do, whatever you say it will never be 100% fair and no one will ever be 100% happy!!! I don't think your ex is deliberately excluding your daughter but instead just seems to be happy that he and his son have such a shared interest. Who knows, maybe next year your son will hate Blandford and will have discovered skateboards. He might just be trying to enjoy it while it lasts. I do get what you mean, but there isn't always a solution that fixes everything when it comes to things like this.

All I say is thank god he is still playing such an active role in their lives. There are so many threads on here to the contrary. Sometimes I feel people just have to pick their battles slightly.

gravitytolls

Deleted_User wrote: »

No that isn't quite right. It isn't a two week break. He is only offering Blandford as the holiday, nothing else. He has mentioned that maybe he could do something else with daughter at a later stage, but made no arrangements for it.

I am not enjoying this as it poses problems for me, that he isn't taking any responsibility to help solve.

He hasn't had the children for any other holiday since he left a year ago.

To his credit he does see them once a week for 24 hours.

As it stands son gets 6 days away, daughter is getting nothing but promises that keep changing.

I am trying to resolve this by finding a solution, as far as I can tell he isn't actively do much.

Course he's not doing much, you're doing it, and while he knows you will, he won't.

Not because he's being a delibarate pain, just because it's easy, when you were together I expect it was you who organised and planned; again not necessarily because he's lazy but because he learned early on that you are reliable. Some people are just like that.

Step back, let go, tell hm and the kids, 'this is when you're going to be together', then don't plan anything, just ask them if they had a nice time when they get back.

[Deleted User]

DD was saying it was boring as he took her to a mini 1 day version of what they would be doing this august back in May. Again it was something Ex and son wanted to do and DD had to go with them. She decided she really didn't like it and told her father. It was him that said to me that she would find Blandford boring, so she'd be better off staying with me. At the time I agreed, despite feeling put out at having to cover his childcare, but I didnt want DD to spend 6 days unhappy and bored. In hindsight that wasn't the best decision, but its too late to go back at this stage.

Takeaway_Addict

I do think your ex though should commit to a seperate week for him and daughter though.

gravitytolls

Takeaway_Addict wrote: »

What would you do for a 'break' if you were both together still, would you go on holiday on your own?

Probably not, but on hols as at home, one person wouldn't be solely responsible for caring for the children would they? They'd each have regular breaks while the other did reading, painting, a trip to the park or whatever, rather than one week a year break from 100% responsibility.

poet123

I made my response before I knew the ages of the children. At 5 has your daughter really said she doesn't want to go to the dorset event? It seems quite young to me to be so definite that she doesn't want to do something, especially something which involves an absent parent. I thought you were talking about a 12 year old or up.

I think that you are going to have to accept that your ex, as a man, is going to have more in common with your son and as such will naturally want to organise things that appeal to him more.

So, if it is only a week then you will have to step back and let him get on with it, he should take your daughter and if she hates it, she will let him know, let him solve that problem. He won't want to do it every year, but if you keep her at home you have solved the problem for him.

Poppy9

Deleted_User wrote: »

DD was saying it was boring as he took her to a mini 1 day version of what they would be doing this august back in May. Again it was something Ex and son wanted to do and DD had to go with them. She decided she really didn't like it and told her father. It was him that said to me that she would find Blandford boring, so she'd be better off staying with me. At the time I agreed, despite feeling put out at having to cover his childcare, but I didnt want DD to spend 6 days unhappy and bored. In hindsight that wasn't the best decision, but its too late to go back at this stage.

Okay this puts a different slant on it. It's not the activity that is boring, it's the company. He is clearly making no effort to engage your DD or perhaps he feels unsure/uncomfortable with her because she is a girl and he worries about bathing/toilet things etc.

Family life is about compromise. DD and myself spent a day at Cape Canaveral with OH as he really wanted to do it and mostly me and DD found it dull/boring but..... we didn't pout or be miserable we made the best of it and we had a laugh as a family. It was an educational visit for DD she learnt what an anorak was :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

whitewing

My opinion is that ex and the 2 children should go to the steam fair and it is up to them to decide to enjoy it together.

[Deleted User]

Takeaway_Addict wrote: »

What would you do for a 'break' if you were both together still, would you go on holiday on your own?

Before we separated, I went away with my mum for 2 long weekends for a spa break or for a day's pampering. It kind of justified him having Blandford and going up the yard to restore his truck every fortnight.

But now as a single parent, I can barely afford to take my children and myself away, let alone treat myself too.

I have recently started my own self employed business, so I need to be mindful of keeping my customers happy too and take minimal leave until i'm established.