Solution required - but can't find one.

Takeaway_Addict

So, not allowing your son to go to something he enjoys is more fairer than sorting out seperate weeks for 'father/child time'?

Rather bizarre look on things.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Takeaway_Addict wrote: »

So, not allowing your son to go to something he enjoys is more fairer than sorting out seperate weeks for 'father/child time'?

Rather bizarre look on things.

That's slightly different; he could take son one week, daughter another week; and still have two weeks where he has them both. I'm sure mum needs a tiny bit of time alone just twice a year. He is their dad after all; seems mum never gets any time off.

[Deleted User]

poet123 wrote: »

If it is a two week break then one week they go to Dorset, the next week they go to somewhere that suits your daughter.

Although, that said. I would guess that few families actively go to places that exactly suit each child. A family holiday is about compromise, and tbh, I get the impression you are quite enjoying the spanner your daughter has thrown into the works and see it as entirely the responsibility of your ex to solve. It isn't.

No that isn't quite right. It isn't a two week break. He is only offering Blandford as the holiday, nothing else. He has mentioned that maybe he could do something else with daughter at a later stage, but made no arrangements for it.

I am not enjoying this as it poses problems for me, that he isn't taking any responsibility to help solve.

He hasn't had the children for any other holiday since he left a year ago.

To his credit he does see them once a week for 24 hours.

As it stands son gets 6 days away, daughter is getting nothing but promises that keep changing.

I am trying to resolve this by finding a solution, as far as I can tell he isn't actively do much.

Poppy9

TBH I thought the children were much older. I am surprised a 5 year old is saying the holiday is boring if the last time she went was when she was 4. Normally children enjoy camping and surely during his 6 days away with them he could arrange his days so both his children enjoy the experience. I am wondering if your DD is picking up your negative attitude to his hobby.

I also don't see why DD can't share the half term week with her brother. As you said "they come as a package"!! Do you have a 1:1 week with your children?

It almost feels like you are setting the children up as a point of conflict.

Bennifred

If ex is supposed to be having both children that week, then that is exactly what should happen. You can't let a 5 year old dictate what you do with your time! And if ex chooses an activity which bores daughter rigid, I'm sure she'll let him know

gravitytolls

I completely agree with FBR. And tbh I wouldn't be letting a 5 year old decide where she goes for her hols either.

It's one thing to be saying to her dad 'she's not so keen on the trains so can you try and fit in some non train stuff'. But you shouldn't be rearranging your plans to ensure she gets what she wants and her dad doesn't have to think about it any more than he and his son indulging themselves.

I kno why you're doing it, it's natural, the thought of your 5 year old being miserable does n't fill you with joy, but let me tell you, that after one week of a miserable 5 year old, next year he'll find a more varied itinary!

Anyhoo, in the meantime, congrats on loving your children so much that you're prepared to roll over for their happiness, but practice digging your heels in and standing your ground for next year.

Oh and the half term thing, DS will simply have to go too, DD needs to learn that she as she's chosen not to go away with them, she can't expect to get her own special daddy time, she'll have to compromise just as everyone else has had to accommodate her. Tough lesson especially for a five year old and I don't suppose it'll go down well, but it won't happen next year.

Takeaway_Addict

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

That's slightly different; he could take son one week, daughter another week; and still have two weeks where he has them both. I'm sure mum needs a tiny bit of time alone just twice a year. He is their dad after all; seems mum never gets any time off.

Fair point, but alternatively the week that he has one child the mother could be having more dedicated time tot he other child as well.

Valli

tanith wrote: »

I don't think anyone is being deliberately awkward but as children grow they will be interested in different things.

Well yes...but if the parents hadn't separated they would, one presumes, be holidaying as a family.

Totally agree with gravitytolls

Maybe the father needs to rethink his priorities. Because, what this all boils down to is dad is doing what HE wants to - the kids that wants to go can be accomodated.

Too late for this year OP, but next year, suggest he takes both kids for a 'certain ' week and works out for himself. what they do. While you have a much-deserved spa break;)

[Deleted User]

Takeaway_Addict wrote: »

So, not allowing your son to go to something he enjoys is more fairer than sorting out seperate weeks for 'father/child time'?

Rather bizarre look on things.

Sorry but at some point in the year I do need a week child free which I am not getting at all. And why should I have to cover 2 weeks of his child care responsiblities?

If I reversed the tables onto him and said right i'm having 2 weeks separately with each child and you can cover my childcare, he would soon have issues with that.

His annual leave isn't solely used on the children, he uses some for himself. I don't have that luxury.

Takeaway_Addict

Deleted_User wrote: »

Sorry but at some point in the year I do need a week child free which I am not getting at all. And why should I have to cover 2 weeks of his child care responsiblities?

If I reversed the tables onto him and said right i'm having 2 weeks separately with each child and you can cover my childcare, he would soon have issues with that.

His annual leave isn't solely used on the children, he uses some for himself. I don't have that luxury.

What would you do for a 'break' if you were both together still, would you go on holiday on your own?