Advice on OH

aileth

Hi all,

My husband is going out with his brother on Friday night. Very normal you might think, yes, but the problem I have is my husband, although he does not drink often, when he does drink he has NO idea when to stop and has been so paralytic he has been laid on the floor while vomiting and had to be put into the recovery position, taken to A&E etc.

His brother is completely irresponsible and unreliable. I can picture now my OH laid on the floor vomiting his guts up after being pressured to drink too much and him standing and laughing at him.

I don't want to be the possessive, controlling wife, and he has not been out for a while so think it'd be really good for him to have a man's night. I just know the whole night I am going to be biting my fingernails till they bleed worrying about whether he's actually going to make it home or not, or whether he's in A&E, or whether he's passed out somewhere alone.

In the past, I've asked if he could be back by midnight so I can see he's home safe and sound, but he has never stuck to this as he gets carried away and I've woken up the next morning to him having fallen through the front door snoring so loud it's made the house shake covered in vomit, then receiving a cleaning bill for the taxi he covered on exit.

Any tips on how I can stop myself worrying about it? What do I do if he doesn't turn up back? It probably sounds really daft but from what he's done in the past I'm incredibly anxious about the whole thing.

victory

Could you not distract yourself by your own girls night out?

Could he not agree to say 5 drinks limit or whichever limit he can handle and go for soft drinks after that?

why does he feel he has to drink so very much he vomits everywhere? you would think that would put him off drinking so much, it would me:D

aileth

I'm going to invite my sister over, have a bottle of wine and watch a girly movie, but I know myself that won't distract me and I'll be checking my phone every five minutes.

And no chance on the five drink limit - he'd have five, his brother would offer another one, he wouldn't even hesitate.

I have no idea. When he drinks he completely loses all self-control. He got drunk when we were on holiday in Japan and walked around Shinjuku barefoot and we had to call the Japanese Police. Just a taste of how he gets...

building_with_lego

Couldn't he stay at his brother's house overnight? Then they can clean themselves up and pay for the taxi damage before he comes home to you.

victory

aileth wrote: »

I'm going to invite my sister over, have a bottle of wine and watch a girly movie, but I know myself that won't distract me and I'll be checking my phone every five minutes.

And no chance on the five drink limit - he'd have five, his brother would offer another one, he wouldn't even hesitate.

I have no idea. When he drinks he completely loses all self-control. He got drunk when we were on holiday in Japan and walked around Shinjuku barefoot and we had to call the Japanese Police. Just a taste of how he gets...

Uhm not good then for your peace of mind:eek: I can't really advice you then because the taste of alcohol has never really been my thing, especially not going as far as to vomit, have the room spin, loose control, not know my surroundings, no, not a great evening out, don't like it::eek:

Artytarty

Mines a bit the same. A really good man but a bit lacking in self control.
Just be the !!!!! and tell him how furious, ashamed, disgusted etc you will be if this happens again. I told mine he had lost my respect and that the children knew as well. They were shocked beyond belief at their mild mannered father could drink so much he broke a window in the loo.
Ps the children are young adults, dad in his fifties.
Make it clear its unacceptable.

Fluff15

How well do you know his brother? Could you text him in a jokey way 'make sure you get a kebab down OH's throat tonight, I can't afford to pay the cleaning bill from where he threw up in the taxi last time!'

Have you got any friends' houses that you can go round tonight, or go out for a meal and the cinema so you're not back late yourself? And leave your phone at home?

If there's no friends available, I recommend watching several episodes of your favourite series/shows, paint your nails, dye your hair, read your favourite book and keep your mobile in the bedroom/kitchen on loud so you can hear it if it goes off, but you won't be checking it every five minutes.

ETA: just saw your reply! I would suggest going out instead of waiting at home, being indoors when I'm worried makes it much worse for me.

Prothet_of_Doom

Take out life insurance ? Show him your valuation on his life, suggest that he drinks as much as he wants because it's his life, and if he's stupid enough, at least you will be rich. Tell him you will have your phone off, and you don't want to see him unless he has spent 2 nights in intensive care. Tell his brother that he is to get him to wasted that he needs to have a liver transplant.

I say this because nagging won't work, but giving him permission to kill himself (if that's what he wants) just might.

As always think of the options and go for the least predictable, and confuse them.

aileth

Staying over I'm not sure about, as apparently brother's GF is off on the razz and is coming back with some friends and I got the impression it as a hen party and they're taking over their house (It's only small)

He knows it's unacceptable. In the first year we met, he would go out every weekend and get like it. He barely drinks nowadays, maybe has the odd beer but that's when I'm around and he knows not to go any further. However, when I'm not there he still goes absolutely crazy and drinks it like water.

marisco_2

Trying to put a time restriction on when your husband returns is pretty counterproductive. If he doesn't take offence to that as a grown man, he might start off the evening with the intention of being home by the time agreed. This could just lead to him drinking harder and faster though and still ending up laid out on the floor being sick and stumbling through the door in the same condition or being taken to A&E.

Have you had a chat with him whilst he is his calm, rational self and explained what your worries are? Is he generally quite a sensible person who would take your concerns on board and think about them? I honestly think that would be the better way to approach this.

aileth

Fluff15 wrote: »

How well do you know his brother? Could you text him in a jokey way 'make sure you get a kebab down OH's throat tonight, I can't afford to pay the cleaning bill from where he threw up in the taxi last time!'

Have you got any friends' houses that you can go round tonight, or go out for a meal and the cinema so you're not back late yourself? And leave your phone at home?

If there's no friends available, I recommend watching several episodes of your favourite series/shows, paint your nails, dye your hair, read your favourite book and keep your mobile in the bedroom/kitchen on loud so you can hear it if it goes off, but you won't be checking it every five minutes.

ETA: just saw your reply! I would suggest going out instead of waiting at home, being indoors when I'm worried makes it much worse for me.

His brother can't stand me, ever since I kicked him out of our house for trying to smoke cannabis in our living room. Thanks for the tips, no friends are available that night so I am stuck at home, but I have my sister and we will try and get inventive...