Advice on OH

BugglyB

Also if my husband ever told me my alcohol consumption was upsetting him I'd do summat about it sharpish!

Caroline_a

gt568 wrote: »

So if I set out to get toasted thats ok then....:D

Not if you do as my ex did and become violent and aggressive. Or if you drink and drive. To be honest, I enjoy a drink as much as anyone, but I would never drink so as I become a danger to either myself of others. The ones who are alcoholic do that because they cannot stop themselves.

gt568

Why bring violence and DD into it? Not everyone who likes a drink is a violent or a drink driver...

Caroline_a

If you read more carefully you would know....:wall:

sulkisu

gt568 wrote: »

Am I an alcoholic? I've had a fair few brutal hangovers, I've had a few memory gaps till people reminded me, I've been sick once or twice through too much drink, I like a drink, its fun, I've fallen asleep downstairs before, I've done a few silly things apres drink. So am I an alcoholic?

Probably a raging one according to the moralistic, holier than thou tone that a lot of you are taking on this.

Can you stop drinking once you start? That is one of the main signs of alcoholism - having a drink and not being able to stop until you pass out. OP says that her husband cannot stop drinking once he starts, which strongly suggests that he has a problem. Many people have one too many sometimes, but most can stop at one or two if need be.

Wellyboots6

You said you haven't told him yet how worried you are about Friday?
Tell him.
That way he has all the information he needs to make a decision on how he wants to handle the night.
Does he worry about his drinking getting out of hand? If he does then talk through ways HE can manage it. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do to control it for him.
With him, think back over the times this has happened. Are there drinks which seem to affect him more than others? Are there drinks he seems to be ok with? (you mention you drink wine together, does he control this ok?). Would he be willing to take a certain amount of cash out to try and limit his drinking? Change the cash in to pound coins, it slows down the buying alcohol process when you have to count it out! If they are going to clubs or places with dancing, suggest he buys a bottle of water to hold if they end up dancing, it can reduce the urge to buy a drink just to have something to hold to avoid feeling awkward. Could he take some lollipops in his pockets? It sounds a bit childish but again gives him something to do with his hands.
Another suggestion which may sound daft, if he wants to try and control his drinking, suggest he writes an 'itinerary' on his arm in biro. Almost a challenge to get things ticked off before he gets home. Such as,

1. Book a taxi home before you go out
2. Drink a pint of water as first drink at first pub
3. Drink half a coke as first drink at second pub etc
4. Eat a kebab
5. Ask a stranger to tell him a joke and then text it to aileth and get marks out 10 for humor value. If the joke scores lower than 5 find another! (a way of knowing he is still functioning!)
6. Get the taxi home
7. Ask the taxi driver if he has any pets and remember their names
8. Get home vomit free!

Sugestions you make will only work if he is genuinely wanting to do something about his drinking, which telling him how you feel may help.

As others have said, if he does end up getting himself in a mess, make sure he cleans up after himself, pays any bills etc to allow him to recognise the consequences of his actions.

aileth

Katy, that's brilliant. We drink wine and sometimes g&t together and on the very rare occasion have a very drunk takeaway night courtesy of Mr Smirnoff, and he is absolutely fine, normal drunk silliness. He has also had a few beers at home on a Friday after a hard week and had absolutely zero problem at all, in fact he has even gone onto the coke at home after a few beers because he doesn't feel like having anymore despite them being in the fridge.

I think it might be slightly related to what someone said above about being shy and getting drunk as fast as possible to alleviate the shyness. He has no need to be shy when I'm there as I'm fairly confident and tend to do most of the talking wtih people so he can stay in the shadows, but when he's by himself he doesn't have that, and I know he sometimes gets struck by social anxiety.

I was about to say that he's with his brother so he won't have that, but instead he has his brother pressurising him.

As for worrying about how much he drinks, no I wouldn't say so. It's only after the event where I've told him how much he ruined my night that he gets down about it!

Your suggestions don't sound daft, in fact I'm taking a picture of your post for reference on my phone!

geoffky

This reminds me of when i used to drink...I did not know when to stop but was drunk after three pints..For everyone's sake i have not had a drink since oct 1999.

paulineb_2

I dont do holier than thou when it comes to addiction. Ive seen lives ruined, marriages ruined. Ive worked with teenage people who were bright and who had their whole life in front of them who are dead now due to either overdose or mental health issues which were always there but were made worse by taking too many substances and Im talking about alcohol as well as drugs

And no, I dont think everyone who has one over the eight on an occasional basis is an alcoholic, but Ive been referred to as the "fun police"

Well I can assure you, there was nothing fun about going to young peoples funerals because of addiction. I went to a 19 year old girls funeral, she choked on her own vomit after a binge, a life totally ruined. Before people refer to people like me as the "fun police", I challenge you to do the job I did for 15 years for 5 minutes.

I said in an earlier post, I drink. I'll have a drink in the house and when Im out, but nothing excessive. Im not anti alcohol, but if anyone posts and says that they think their partner has an issue, well on reading the thread, yes, he seems to have a massive one. Just because he doesnt do it 24/7 doesnt mean its not a problem.

Just because this man is only getting drunk once in a while doesnt mean alcohol isnt problematic for him.

It obviously is problematic for him, the fact that he cant control his behaviour and stop himself getting into risky situations would bear that out.

No one is saying this man cant continue with his lifestyle. But perhaps his wife cant tolerate the lifestyle

And shes tried to help him, I hope anyone who is criticising her for that on this thread realises this.

paulineb_2

Oh and just because people have come up with the advice of, just because this man is only doing this every few months or a couple of times a year (Im not sure what it is) doesnt mean its ok, we are the fun police.

Ive gone out and ended up drunk, ended up not knowing what Ive said the night before. Lots of people have. I dont make a habit of it though, a lot of people grow out of drinking heavily or even drinking 2 or 3 times a week. Im 44 years of age. I like going out with friends but I'll have as good a night on soft drinks as I will on alcoholic ones. And I dont need to go out and shove as much alcohol down my neck as I can in order to have a good time.
I havent ever ended up in A and E, covered in vomit, being picked up by the police.

If someone posted on here starting a thread saying, btw a relative of mine died after a binge (and I hope it never happens to anyone) do you think people would be queuing up to say, well at least it was FUN!!!!!

I very much doubt it.

Id never call anyone a raging alcoholic, in fact if people read my posts back I havent even used the word, its not a word I like and I rarely use it

But do I think this man has an issue with alcohol, yes I do. Its impacting on his marriage, its worrying his wife sick and therefore I think its not fun

And no one on here pointed the finger at anyone else on this thread saying dont you dare drink

Ive made it clear I drink alcohol. What I dont do, is drink alcohol to excess, Ive done it in the past occasionally, I didnt like it and I only have a couple when I am out, if that, my drinking doesnt affect anyone else

The OP's drinking is affecting someone else, thats the bottom line.