Advice on OH

aileth

I have told him that his so-called friends obviously aren't real friends if they stopped contacting him because he stopped going out getting wasted every weekend, but he sees it as a fault of his and blames himself for it big time. He can't see what scumbags they really are for it.

It took him A LOT of effort to text them to invite them to our wedding and the response was, "Nah mate, you're all right", and haven't spoken since.

I think I'm going to try and butter up the deal a bit. I'm going to ask him to either not drink at all and stick to the coke, or have one pint, come home in good time and he will get a fry-up Saturday and a Sunday lunch.

I'm thinking of saying something like, "It'd be really nice if you could do this, you know how much it has upset me in the past." Bloody hell, typing this out I feel like I'm mothering him too much and not treating him like an adult....

I think I'm just going to have to leave him to it and see what awaits me Friday night late or Saturday morning... Like everyone has said he's a grown man, but it worries me so much.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

I think I'd go away for the night and come back around midday the next day. Although I'd not have continued the relationship past the first few weeks to be honest. But you have, so in a way you do slightly accept that it's part of him.

zaksmum

Can't you just leave him to get on with it?

He's a grown man for God's sake.

Let him deal with the hangover and vomiting and headache. Go out shopping next morning and have lunch out with someone.

He will learn by how bad he feels next day. You're only going to drive him mad fussing all the time.

paulineb_2

aileth wrote: »

I have told him that his so-called friends obviously aren't real friends if they stopped contacting him because he stopped going out getting wasted every weekend, but he sees it as a fault of his and blames himself for it big time. He can't see what scumbags they really are for it.

It took him A LOT of effort to text them to invite them to our wedding and the response was, "Nah mate, you're all right", and haven't spoken since.

I think I'm going to try and butter up the deal a bit. I'm going to ask him to either not drink at all and stick to the coke, or have one pint, come home in good time and he will get a fry-up Saturday and a Sunday lunch.

I'm thinking of saying something like, "It'd be really nice if you could do this, you know how much it has upset me in the past." Bloody hell, typing this out I feel like I'm mothering him too much and not treating him like an adult....

I wouldnt be rewarding his behaviour with a fry up or a lunch, make it if you like, but dont make it part of the deal when you discuss it.

You arent treating him like an adult because Im afraid hes not behaving like one.

As I said in a previous post, Ive dated people who drank too much and had other issues (gambling). Not many, a couple and both relationships I exited pretty quickly, because when you are with someone who buys a bottle of wine and its done in 5 minutes and Im talking about super strength nasty tonic wine thats drunk where I live. Or if you have to stay in yet again because theyve spent their weeks wages in 3 hours.

You eventually get to the resentful and the !!!!!! am I doing with someone who is 20 something or 30 something and behaves like a child.

You obviously love your husband, but I think you need to stop enabling his behaviour. As someone else said, he vomits over a taxi and you pay the bill?

Id be going further, Id be having the stop drinking or get some help for your issue with drink and do it soon before I make a decision on this marriage. That may sound harsh, but you cant live like this.

Or you can, but I dont think you are going to have a very happy life.

paulineb_2

zaksmum wrote: »

Can't you just leave him to get on with it?

He's a grown man for God's sake.

Let him deal with the hangover and vomiting and headache. Go out shopping next morning and have lunch out with someone.

He will learn by how bad he feels next day. You're only going to drive him mad fussing all the time.

And what happens god forbid one time if he drinks too much and ends up in a coma?

Or wanders off full of drink and gets in an accident.

This isnt normal drinking behaviour this man is displaying, its risky, hes putting himself at risk.

And shes had to work with him on cutting down his alcohol intake or he'd still be going out with the lads and doing this a lot more often.

I think shes got every right to be raising it, its affecting her, not just him.

aileth

zaksmum wrote: »

Can't you just leave him to get on with it?

He's a grown man for God's sake.

Let him deal with the hangover and vomiting and headache. Go out shopping next morning and have lunch out with someone.

He will learn by how bad he feels next day. You're only going to drive him mad fussing all the time.

I do leave him to get on with it and I'm not fussing over him. He knows in the past it's upset me, but he doesn't know how worried I'm getting over this Friday. I haven't said a word to him yet.

I worry like crazy because of events in the past, getting taken to A&E, passing out on the floor of nightclubs, having to be put into recovery positions as he can't stop vomiting, walking around Japan at 2am with no shoes on and having to get picked up by the Japanese Police, the cost of cleaning fees for taxis.

It's not just vomiting and a headache unfortunately, and I am really worried that I am going to get a call at 3 am because he got so wasted he fell over and hit his head or something stupid, or he's in Police cells, or worse.

paulineb_2

aileth wrote: »

I do leave him to get on with it and I'm not fussing over him. He knows in the past it's upset me, but he doesn't know how worried I'm getting over this Friday. I haven't said a word to him yet.

I worry like crazy because of events in the past, getting taken to A&E, passing out on the floor of nightclubs, having to be put into recovery positions as he can't stop vomiting, walking around Japan at 2am with no shoes on and having to get picked up by the Japanese Police, the cost of cleaning fees for taxis.

It's not just vomiting and a headache unfortunately, and I am really worried that I am going to get a call at 3 am because he got so wasted he fell over and hit his head or something stupid, or he's in Police cells, or worse.

The thing is, hes not learning from past behaviour, its being repeated over and over again.

Because what people do when they have a bad hangover is say, Im never drinking again, have done it myself, then the hangover wears off and the next weekend you are out drinking.

But a lot of people can go out and even if they are steaming drunk, all they do is wake up the next morning feeling a bit crap and a few quid ligher in the pocket.

Hes putting himself at risk, you are having to cope with the worry and hes making no effort to recognise that this behaviour is problematic.

aileth

What would you suggest I do this Friday, Pauline? I really don't want to stop him going.

19lottie82

What does he drink when he's out? Does he mix his drinks?

One of my friends (Male) is totally fine if he sticks to pints, but the minute he sniffs a Morgan's and Coke (or any other spirits) he just changes almost immediately.

Maybe you could ask him to try to stick to bottles of beer? A bottle is just slightly over a half pint, but isn't likely to result in such a ribbing from the lads.

But I agree with the other poster. HE DOES have self control, he's just making the decision not to use it.

aileth

Yes, when I first met him he was completely clueless about mixing drinks and I would bet that's what got him so bad. I don't know about now when he's out without me, but when he's at home he will only stick to beer, or at my parents.