devastated as husband been "cheating" on me

paulineb_2

Shes also married? What a mess.

Dimey

Sadly you are not overreacting.
Your husband has so little regard for his wife and his marriage vows that he choses to make fun of you and humiliate you with your friend.

If he's lost sight of dignity and respect after such a short time married he is obviously a weak character.

I hope you won't have anything to do with the other woman. Cut her out of your life completely. As for him. Well I guess you hoped you'd married someone you could respect and who would be trustworthy.

I guess only time will tell whether this is his normal weak deceitful character or whether he had a one off aberration that he will genuinely regret and never do again.

Sadly you'll never know his true character now as he's proven he is capable of duplicity and he can keep things from you any time. But he is capable of changing so give him a chance. Wait and see but don't be hoodwinked and postpone having children with this type of person until you are confident again.

Don't keep the situation secret. Tell parents what's happened. If people ask why you're not seeing the lady friend, then tell them. You deserve the sympathy and support of your family and friends and he deserves to learn from the shame so he'll never do it again. And he deserves to know you are strong and won't be made a fool of.

There is nothing worse than realising the person you thought you knew no longer exists. What a disappointment he is. I feel for you.

SailorSam

I think it's worse as well that he was telling her when you'd be at work so they could meet. The thought of them sleeping in 'my' bed rather than the back seat of the car would hurt more.

j.e.j.

Throw him out. Seriously. He was crying because he got caught, not because he regrets doing what he did. For all you know he's still texting her! A husband who loves his wife does not go sexting other women, I'm sorry

gunsandbanjos

What a !!!!!!

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this!

In my opinion this is way worse than a drunken one night stand as you say, this is totally premeditated. He is playing you for a fool.

Gigglepig

It all sounds very premeditated and callous to me. Not like he made a mistake which he felt guilty about.

He has probably deleted the facebook messages already, but you could ask him to sit down and show you what has been going on. If you need to see it.

Personally I would probably also speak to this woman's husband, since this woman sounds just as callous and I would feel sorry for him.

If you want to work on your marriage then your husband should of course have no contact whatsoever with this woman - if I were him I would volunteer to change phone number, email address, and delete my facebook account.

Dimey

rocketqueen wrote: »

>>>>

Part of me believes he's genuinely sorry but I really don't know.

He'll be genuinely sorry he got caught.

He's probably not genuinely sorry he tried to commit adultery because the flirting dragged on over a period of time so he had plenty of time to realise the error of his ways and stop where the relationship was heading. He didn't have the moral fibre to stop it.

Only time will give him the opportunity to change his values and his integrity - if he wants to.

What else is he keeping from you?

lindsaygalaxy

Just wanted to send you big hugs. As someone who was also with a cheat (though physically not just mentally) with him sat there texting her whole sat next to me I feel your pain.

If you can, pack your stuff and move out for a couple of days, take yourself away from the situation. If you find in that time all you can think about is his he texting her or seeing her, it won't work out, as without trust there is nothing. On the other hand if u thinn you can work it out, u need to find out why he did it, and done except 'I don't know.'

As for telling her, he probably already has. However, I would confront her. When she was doing this she wasn't thinking about you as u were not there, she needs to confront you in person and see the Hirt.

rocketqueen

Yep she's married too. She's not a close friend of mine more an acquaintance, and thankfully doesn't live in very local area (still close enough for them to meet easily tho) so its fairly unlikely I shall bump into her - thankfully or I'd probably punch her in face.

I haven't told anyone what's happened apart from one work colleague (as I have called in sick today, which I now regret, as too much time to think.)

We've been together so long (12 years in total) that the majority of our friends are mutual and doesn't feel right to bring them into it.

Family wise I have only my mum and she's away till the 2nd week of September, so I don't really have anyone to talk too (partly why I posted on here.)

Just can't stop crying, haven't slept since I found out on Sunday evening and don't think I've ate since then either.

Mojisola

rocketqueen wrote: »

When confronted he didn't deny it (dont think he could've) but did say that nothing has ever happened in "real life" which I'm inclined to believe, but it was obviously "going to happen" due to the list of dates.

He literally cried his eyes out (only seen him cry once before in all the years I've known him) and begged me to not leave him.

Hang on to this thought - if you hadn't found the texts, next week or the week after the two of them would have got together.

The idea that he could cold-bloodedly sit on the couch with you while laughing with his mistress that you were in the room and didn't know what he was doing!

That's not an "I lost control after a few drinks and had a one-night stand" situation - he was well aware of what he was doing.