Big arguements and new pregnancy

bagpussbear

Suz24 wrote: »

He told me yesterday that she had 5 miscarrages in 8 months when they where together which is why he is so worried about our little bean now.

Do you believe this OP? It doesn't feel right to me if I'm honest.

I think he at the very least he is being insensitive by leaving his pregnant partner on her own. That is selfishness and certainly doesn't give an impression of someone ready to be a father.

Don't mean to be rude, but why have you become pregnant when you say the business barely supports the two of you?

Understandably, you are tired, feeling unwell and fed up. Agree with others that maybe you should go 'home', get some rest and do some thinking.

Definitely don't chase after him/make him feel better. Concentrate on yourself and the baby.

Heffi1

Do you feel ready for this baby?

Will he support you in the raising of this child?

Will you have any freedom to choose who to see and speak to?

Do you know that you can terminate this pregnancy and wait for a better time, when you are in a stronger frame of mind.

Some people do not see this as an option, but I would rather terminate an unwanted pregnancy than bring a child into the world, if all I had ahead of me was worry and grief from my supposedly loving partner.

Think long and hard as you still have time, talk to your doctor and let them know what you are facing at home.

This is not a positive relationship right now, and once a baby comes along it will only get worse.

YOUR PARTNER NEEDS TO SEE YOU AS AN INDIVIDUAL HUMAN BEING AND NOT HIS POSSESSION.

FBaby

marisco wrote: »

OP are you okay? Having written this all down and received peoples perspectives on what you are going through, it seems that you have realised perhaps for the first time what your relationship is like. This is not always easy to face and deal with. Especially so when you are in the early stages of your first pregnancy, feeling exhausted, sick and really worried. Please do keep posting if it helps and let people on here support you.

mmm, at the same time, I wouldn't take all what is written here as gospel, far from it. For one we can only comment on what you have said which is little and inevitably one sided, and for two, it is a common theme here that as soon as someone posts they have problems with their partner to be told to leave them. Do think of what has been written, but more importantly, try to speak with your partner and your family.

meritaten

Suz24 wrote: »

Some of my friends where at my last job, which i very stupidly left last year to help him start his business. He never liked my best friend as he made assumptions about her, i lost touch with her and it really is one of the silliest things that i have done.

I haven't heard from him for a couple of hours now. Everytime we argue it makes me feel really sickly and on top of my "all day sickness" it is about near to making me bed bound (abit over dramatic maybe )

I am considering going back home for a couple of days so we can both cool down and then start again but this might end up making things worse as he will start saying i am doing it because i dont want to be there with him, i dont want to help with his business anymore blah blah But in all honestly helping to run a business i know nothing about really is tough

I think it may be a good idea to go home for a few days. reconnect with your friends there and discuss matters with your nearest and dearest. I don't really want to comment too much about your partner - except to say I think he sounds like a selfish unfeeling t**t!

candygirl

meritaten wrote: »

I think it may be a good idea to go home for a few days. reconnect with your friends there and discuss matters with your nearest and dearest. I don't really want to comment too much about your partner - except to say I think he sounds like a selfish unfeeling t**t!

That just about sums him up:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

LannieDuck

I'm not sure I agree with the warnings about violence because he's so controlling. It's possible of course, but he could also just be a bit selfish.

However, either way it's very important you retain your own life, whether you're in a relationship with him or not. I'm married with a child, and I still have my own life - my own car, my own work, a close family and my own friends (although after 10 years with my OH, they're pretty much all shared now!).

OP, reconnect with your friends regardless of what your OH says. Do you tell him who he can have as friends? If that's no longer possible, you need to get out and make some new friends. Develop your hobbies, join some groups in the local town etc.

Tell your OH you and he need to have a calm, sensible discussion about this pregnancy. Do you want to go through with it, can you afford a baby, how will his business stay afloat with one of you (doesn't necessarily have to be you!) looking after baby, etc. You're both scared, but you both need to be grown up about it.

GwylimT

Hang on, you say him and his ex suffered multiple miscarriages, yet he thought he was unable to father a child?

Why didn't you stop trying for a baby when you left your job and you knew you couldn't financially support yourselves or a child? Where will little one be when you and your partner at work as clearly you wont have the option of not working.

Kynthia

I'd personally not have him as a friend on Facebook so that you are free to be friends with who you like and to say what you like. Being with the right person should enhance your life not make it smaller and scarier. Since you met him you've lost your friends, your job, your home, your car and now you are pregnant and vulnerable. Start making moves to regain them and if he loves you and has your best interests at heart he would be happy to support you in this.

candygirl

LannieDuck wrote: »

I'm not sure I agree with the warnings about violence because he's so controlling. It's possible of course, but he could also just be a bit selfish.

However, either way it's very important you retain your own life, whether you're in a relationship with him or not. I'm married with a child, and I still have my own life - my own car, my own work, a close family and my own friends (although after 10 years with my OH, they're pretty much all shared now!).

OP, reconnect with your friends regardless of what your OH says. Do you tell him who he can have as friends? If that's no longer possible, you need to get out and make some new friends. Develop your hobbies, join some groups in the local town etc.

Tell your OH you and he need to have a calm, sensible discussion about this pregnancy. Do you want to go through with it, can you afford a baby, how will his business stay afloat with one of you (doesn't necessarily have to be you!) looking after baby, etc. You're both scared, but you both need to be grown up about it.

It's a major red flag when someone doesn't even want you to have friends, and I am talking from experience:(

pukkamum

I too think some things he is saying don't add up, 5 miscarriages in 8 mths?
I may get shot down in flames by people who have experienced this but I'm pretty sure you are advised to wait a while after a miscarriage before ttc.
Also it's a bit weird that he'd never mentioned it before, and surely getting a woman pregnant 5 times in 8mths would make him extremely fertile as opposed to infertile?