Big arguements and new pregnancy

building_with_lego

Suz24 wrote: »

My best friend added me on facebook, i accepted and he turned round to me before i had even messaged her and said its me or her, you decide....

He wanted me to move in with him, we are engaged but marraige doesn't get spoken about anymore, mostly because of money. He brought up having a baby first, i then agreed. This was when i was still full time employed, goodish salary so it made sense. We then tried, things didn't happen and he assumed the doctors where right that he wouldn't be able to have children.

Reading this all back and reading peoples reactions is making me realise this relationship is toxic

The reason I asked about the decision to try for a baby is that someone on here linked to an article about abusers which mentioned in passing that a lot of abusive men will try to get heir partners pregnant as soon as possible as pregnant women don't fight back.

I don't wish to frighten you but please look at Women's Aid's website and then clear your browser history. I'm rooting for you.

Dovah_diva

Poor baby. I really wish people would really think about the consequences of having a child before they fall pregnant.

Enterprise_1701C

I work with my OH, note it is WITH and not FOR.

It does not mean I cannot see my friends, I regularly do. He fits the times he needs my help around my commitments, and vice-versa when necessary.

It is very worrying that he will not let you even have contact with your friends on Facebook.

He is obviously a control freak. He wanted a child before marriage. You tell me, what controls you and ties you down more, a child or marriage?

If he can't spare you from the business now, what is he going to do when you have a child, will you have to take it with you?

You need to ask yourself if you want to stay with this man. You also need to ask if you can cope with a baby.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

double_mummy

run now and fast go to your parents anywhere just go

what kind of example are you going to be setting your child bringing them into this sort of situation

go and find a xmas temp job as you will finish at around 7 months pregnant and will have had time to build up money to get your own place sell anything you dont need and start looking on freecyle etc for stuff to furnish a new home with look at entitled to to see what you will get to live off of while the baby is tiny and then you can look at going back to work when you are ready

all the signs are very negative one in 6 women say that after controlling and isolating behavior violence begins within pregnancy get out before he hurts you or your baby

SavingPennies_2

Suz24 wrote: »

Reading this all back and reading peoples reactions is making me realise this relationship is toxic

I wouldn't go that far things can still be worked out, it just seems like this is not the ideal time to have been trying for a baby. How will his parents feel about this? After all if you aren't in a position to move out now, it's likely to be a lot longer before you can.

Also I'm confused why he would think he couldn't have children when his ex had 5 miscarriages, perhaps he wanted a baby but didnt think things would happen this quick. Having a baby is a lot more expensive than a marriage so this is a bit odd as you say the marriage plans are off due to money...

I think things might be easier if you had your own place, even a one bed flat would be sufficient for the next year or so, that way you can be established as a family. He needs to get out of the habit of disappearing when you have an argument, also you mention wanting to go home for a bit so maybe you do this too...It's time to start working and dealing with things as a unit if you want things to work in he long run.

FBaby

I would advise against doing this. You two are going to be parents soon. You cant walk away when things get difficult. You need to stay and work it out together as soon as possible. I hope he will return soon and be in a frame of mind whereby you can talk and resolve your differences.

I totally agree with this. Him going away for a bit is a good thing. Men usually more than women need to step out of stressful situations to clear their mind and get their frustrations out of the way. The fact that he does this IS a good thing. You however talk about moving out, even if only for a while, that's a totally different message.

Regardless of your situation, you did nothing to prevent pregnancy. So it took a while, assuming that it wasn't going to happen was not protecting yourself. You are now pregnant, sounds like unfortunately, it is not at the best time now, but so it is. Both of you need to start thinking as parents rather than boyfriends/girlfriends.

There is only one way about it, find the way you can communicate. Whatever works for you. Surely it is not your first argument. What triggered the other ones how did you resolve them? How did you move forward? What can you do to try to avoid more arguments? What do you (both) do wrong that you end up like complete strangers?

Person_one

It sounds to me like he's done an excellent job of cutting you off from the support of your friends, and is now working on doing the same with your family. Please don't let this happen!

You have so many options here, at 7 weeks pregnant you don't even have to have a baby if it turns out that this wasn't the right time and the right father for your child. How do you think he would behave as a father? Think ahead to a teenage daughter who challenges him, how do you think that would work out?

I second the advice to visit the Women's Aid website. Just have a browse around, read some of the info, see if it strikes a chord with you. I'd do this at your parents' house though. If this man stands over you on facebook and thinks its acceptable to tell you who to friend or unfriend (its not acceptable) then I'm pretty sure he'll be keeping an eye on what sites you're visiting.

candygirl

Sorry to say, but he sounds like a completely incompetent man, and also a control freak.I hope you can manage to do the best for you and your baby x:D

marisco_2

OP are you okay? Having written this all down and received peoples perspectives on what you are going through, it seems that you have realised perhaps for the first time what your relationship is like. This is not always easy to face and deal with. Especially so when you are in the early stages of your first pregnancy, feeling exhausted, sick and really worried. Please do keep posting if it helps and let people on here support you.

sassyblue

Well I don't understand why everything is about him, it's not but he does make it that way, drama queen!

I'm sorry OP but l don't think he's even a suitable partner let alone father. You can go this alone you know.