Providing spending money for child going on hol

shegirl

I don't get it.If you asked an adult if they wanted to go on holiday with you,suggested they could come,you wouldn't expect to pay for them.Same if you planned a night out and invited another friend,you wouldn't expect to be paying for them.

Why do so many see it as different with kids?

FatVonD

I think it was wrong to ask your daughter to pay for the aquarium, you paid for the funfair so they should have reciprocated by paying for the aquarium.

That said, I used to take my ex's new partner's son out with us a lot and I would be happy to pay for his food/entrance etc but I would get a bit miffed when at the end he'd then produce a tenner or sometimes £20 and want to go to the gift shop and then I felt I had to buy whatever he bought for himself for my son too so my son wasn't left out. (And it would be tat, I'd rather spend my money on the experience.)

I think at least some of the divide on this thread may be an only child/with siblings thing, mine is an only child so I'm glad of the company for him. DH has 3 kids and wouldn't be so happy to pay for an extra one.

That all said though, I don't think £60 is a huge amount for a short break but I agree with the OP, it's the apportioning of the money that maybe needs to be looked at.

FBaby

My DD best friend came with us on our summer hols. I asked the mum to pay for the flights, but we paid absolutely everything else. She had some pocket money, but we didn't expect her to use for anything but bringing back some presents for friends/family. If I invite someone, whatever their age, I don't expect them to pay for what they have been invited for. If I couldn't afford it, I would have said to my daughter that she couldn't bring her friend.

In any case, it makes it much more simple because this way, the understanding is set and if/when my DD is invited to spend time with her friend, I will also pay flights only as I'm sure they would also expect nothing from my DD. It makes it soooo much simpler than having to decide who pays what when and where.

Spendless

Gosh lots more replies. I tried to multi quote earlier but made a pigs ear of it, so in order to answer some questions raised or reiterate stuff.

I wasn't told in advance that they were going away. It was booked before dd was invited. Initially she couldn't go due to something pre-arranged. When the holiday got changed to diff dates due to an issue concerning the adults going dd was asked if she was available on the new dates. At no point was I asked for any money towards the cost of this hol. This thread isn't about whether I should have or shouldn't have contributed to the holiday cost of something booked before being told of it and that dd wasn't initally going on. I asked it because I thought it posed an interesting question for this type of site and also because I think I need to change how I did things for future, so to give me ideas.

victory

Spendless wrote: »

Gosh lots more replies. I tried to multi quote earlier but made a pigs ear of it, so in order to answer some questions raised or reiterate stuff.

I wasn't told in advance that they were going away. It was booked before dd was invited. Initially she couldn't go due to something pre-arranged. When the holiday got changed to diff dates due to an issue concerning the adults going dd was asked if she was available on the new dates. At no point was I asked for any money towards the cost of this hol. This thread isn't about whether I should have or shouldn't have contributed to the holiday cost of something booked before being told of it and that dd wasn't initally going on. I asked it because I thought it posed an interesting question for this type of site and also because I think I need to change how I did things for future, so to give me ideas.

I don't think you need to change things in the future and yes you have had some fab ideas.

I think so long as the money is talked about and you know what it is for and what it will be spent on and how much is expected, so long as all that is cleared up on the offset then no confusion arises, that's the thing constant communication to make sure no one feels diddled of money and it was spent on what it should have been spent on..

Spendless

FatVonD wrote: »

I think it was wrong to ask your daughter to pay for the aquarium, you paid for the funfair so they should have reciprocated by paying for the aquarium.

That said, I used to take my ex's new partner's son out with us a lot and I would be happy to pay for his food/entrance etc but I would get a bit miffed when at the end he'd then produce a tenner or sometimes £20 and want to go to the gift shop and then I felt I had to buy whatever he bought for himself for my son too so my son wasn't left out. (And it would be tat, I'd rather spend my money on the experience.)

I think at least some of the divide on this thread may be an only child/with siblings thing, mine is an only child so I'm glad of the company for him. DH has 3 kids and wouldn't be so happy to pay for an extra one.

That all said though, I don't think £60 is a huge amount for a short break but I agree with the OP, it's the apportioning of the money that maybe needs to be looked at.

Thank you for this as this has raised an element I hadn't considered.
Giving my child money for 'spends' means she has disposable income when her friend didn't at the end of the visit for souvenirs and may have been a contributing factor for her being asked to pay her entrance fee. I couldn't understand the discrepancy between dd having her cray golf paid for for her but not the aquarium, but a gift shop would make a difference. This is definitely something I need to take into account when changing how I give money in future.

mum2one

rhubarb22 wrote: »

As I said previously I wouldn't expect any money if I offered to take my dd friends, either on holidays or days out. I do it because it makes my dd happy, and luckily I can afford to, and if I couldn't then I wouldn't offer. I don't think its about being 'a bank of free holidays', its about doing something nice for my child and her friends. However, if I was asked to pay for her to go somewhere with someone, of course I would pay, but perhaps wouldn't invite them to come with us again. I have had my fingers burnt with this in the past, and realised that some parents and are quite happy to take, take, take, but not prepared to do anything back. My dd had a friend round for tea every week for about 6 months, but only got invited back once, not because they couldn't afford it, buy just because they didn't want the hassle. Luckily she no longer plays much with this child, but it was annoying at the time!!! I suppose I could have said no, but my dd is an only child, and I know it can be quite lonely, hence why I am happy to take friends out with us etc and meet the cost.

I'm the same DD is an only child, so I think it of company as for her, but when DD goes down to theirs its play out or play in the garden, they wouldn't think of going to the seaside or even the local park, whilst as we have taken their DD out to places, she now expects it everytime and if the child doesn't get taken away throws a strop.

so now the bank of mum has closed down, - she slept over this week - as she didnt get her own way we had-
Moan - pictures was cheap film and not full price
Moan - no popcorn and drinks had been brought at cinema
Moan - no netflix at home (theres sky box in bedr + dvd player - the kids have my room and I have DD)
drink split all over carpet and rug
Finger marks of hot choc all down the walls of the stairs
full ribena container been turned upside down and jammed between bed and unit - lucky straw in which rested on bed
told one of us she'd had no breakfast (she'd had cornflakes)

This was not a 6 yr but a nearly 11 yr old........

yet when DD goes for a sleepover there, they top and tail in single bed (athough one of the bigger sisters has a double and could swop for one ngt)
They have no fizzzy pop, value squash - but here not gd enuf
They dont get a choice of food its eat or starve....

xx

ska_lover

shegirl wrote: »

I don't get it.If you asked an adult if they wanted to go on holiday with you,suggested they could come,you wouldn't expect to pay for them.Same if you planned a night out and invited another friend,you wouldn't expect to be paying for them.

Why do so many see it as different with kids?

I think that's the most sensible thing said on this thread:T

dandelionclock30

If the OP didnt pay anything toward the accomodation then I think £40.00 is cheap for a childs holiday for a week all in. Where can you get that apart from camping? I would'nt be bothered if my child had to chip in some money to look at a fish tank as its still very cheap.
I personally wouldnt take another persons child away with me as I wouldnt want that responsibilty. I think that the family have been kind taking her and looking after her for that amount.

dandelionclock30

mum2one wrote: »

I'm the same DD is an only child, so I think it of company as for her, but when DD goes down to theirs its play out or play in the garden, they wouldn't think of going to the seaside or even the local park, whilst as we have taken their DD out to places, she now expects it everytime and if the child doesn't get taken away throws a strop.

so now the bank of mum has closed down, - she slept over this week - as she didnt get her own way we had-
Moan - pictures was cheap film and not full price
Moan - no popcorn and drinks had been brought at cinema
Moan - no netflix at home (theres sky box in bedr + dvd player - the kids have my room and I have DD)
drink split all over carpet and rug
Finger marks of hot choc all down the walls of the stairs
full ribena container been turned upside down and jammed between bed and unit - lucky straw in which rested on bed
told one of us she'd had no breakfast (she'd had cornflakes)

This was not a 6 yr but a nearly 11 yr old........

yet when DD goes for a sleepover there, they top and tail in single bed (athough one of the bigger sisters has a double and could swop for one ngt)
They have no fizzzy pop, value squash - but here not gd enuf
They dont get a choice of food its eat or starve....

xx

.

Dont let her stay again or take her out, it really is that simple. If a child of mines friend moaned at me that something wasnt good enough.I'd just take her home and that would be that. No brats or divas in my house.