Providing spending money for child going on hol

dibuzz

Mum2one your DDs friend sounds like my son's friend when he was younger.
He'd been mithering to stay over on the Saturday at rugby training and hubby (now ex) agreed before telling me he was working on the Sunday.
I didn't think it would be too bad as they had a match on the Sunday but it was cancelled.
The friend kept asking to go bowling which I couldn't do as I had my own 4 including 2 under 4 and no car.
He never asked to come again because "we hadnt done anything fun"

[Deleted User]

mum2one wrote: »

This was not a 6 yr but a nearly 11 yr old........

I wouldn't expect that of my 6 or 5 year old. Its basic curtesy and manners!

I think i would take the child to one side and ask them if they would like to be taken home, as they don't seem very content. If they reply they are fine and would like to stay. I'd comment that their complaining is coming across as rude, which is bad manners.

I'd like to think i'd do it in a way that they don't feel embarrassed, but get the point.

Behaviour continues = HOME!

[Deleted User]

dibuzz wrote: »

Mum2one your DDs friend sounds like my son's friend when he was younger.
He'd been mithering to stay over on the Saturday at rugby training and hubby (now ex) agreed before telling me he was working on the Sunday.
I didn't think it would be too bad as they had a match on the Sunday but it was cancelled.
The friend kept asking to go bowling which I couldn't do as I had my own 4 including 2 under 4 and no car.
He never asked to come again because "we hadnt done anything fun"

Oh my goodness, whatever happened to kids playing and entertaining themselves. I'm shocked that there are children who have this sense of "entitlement" and "superiority". And aren't ashamed to display it.

balletshoes

herand wrote: »

Maybe you should also try being more tolerant. It's bad manners on your part to not ask a child what they want to eat, if they have specific requirements, likes/dislikes. You wouldn't appreciate being forced to eat something you didn't like.

Surely having friends over is seen as a bit of a treat, so getting in a meal of their choice, snacks etc is to be expected and in no way begrudged. They are only young once, why be so harsh.

where did mum2one say she didn't cater to her daughter's friend with her food tastes? The bottom paragraph of mum2one's post is what happens with her DD when her DD goes to her friend's house for a sleepover.

[Deleted User]

I get the impression though the child is dictating or trying to.

It would be different if the child was visiting occassionally but I get the impression its a regular thing, like my kids friends coming over. I don't get anything special in, they eat whatever I have provided because they are over a lot, I kind of know what they like.

Its also good manners for a child to learn their place and they shouldn't be top dog in someone else's home.

Anyway we digress from the OP!! Sorry!! :D

Dunroamin

herand wrote: »

Maybe you should also try being more tolerant. It's bad manners on your part to not ask a child what they want to eat, if they have specific requirements, likes/dislikes. You wouldn't appreciate being forced to eat something you didn't like.

Surely having friends over is seen as a bit of a treat, so getting in a meal of their choice, snacks etc is to be expected and in no way begrudged. They are only young once, why be so harsh.

Great if you happen to run a restaurant, if you live in a home, not so much.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

It is quite obvious that the mother was being sarcastic towards your dd by asking her daughter where her pocket money was, and I suspect that paying for the aquarium was her way of getting a dig in to your dd for it.

Spendless

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

It is quite obvious that the mother was being sarcastic towards your dd by asking her daughter where her pocket money was, and I suspect that paying for the aquarium was her way of getting a dig in to your dd for it.

This has also suggested to me but for what purpose? To make it so my daughter shared her pocket money with her friend or another reason? I admit I didn't understand the comment and neither did my daughter. If I'd asked the same question to my own kids they'd have replied 'you haven't given me any'.

jinty271

FatVonD wrote: »

I think it was wrong to ask your daughter to pay for the aquarium, you paid for the funfair so they should have reciprocated by paying for the aquarium.

That said, I used to take my ex's new partner's son out with us a lot and I would be happy to pay for his food/entrance etc but I would get a bit miffed when at the end he'd then produce a tenner or sometimes £20 and want to go to the gift shop and then I felt I had to buy whatever he bought for himself for my son too so my son wasn't left out. (And it would be tat, I'd rather spend my money on the experience.)

I think at least some of the divide on this thread may be an only child/with siblings thing, mine is an only child so I'm glad of the company for him. DH has 3 kids and wouldn't be so happy to pay for an extra one.

That all said though, I don't think £60 is a huge amount for a short break but I agree with the OP, it's the apportioning of the money that maybe needs to be looked at.

Totally agree with all of this post.

Over the years we have taken many of our 4 kids friends as a plus one . We have never asked for any money, and have always budgeted to include the guest with the activities.

However, in future, if you do wish to contribute ( which I know you already have done on this occasion ) - I would offer it directly to the parent. I would assume that if you trust them enough to care for your child for three days, you trust them enough to be fair and honest with the money.

It is upsetting when you have to say "no" to something that your own child has requested, for their friend to go buy it for themselves out of "their" pocket money. Obviously the child doesn't understand that it puts the host family in a difficult position.

pinkladyof66

I cant personally comment on what money is acceptable and who should pay for what as I would not let my 10 year old child away on holiday other people unless it was family...