Providing spending money for child going on hol

paulineb_2

Well really, I think people need to weigh up whether the daughter got a good deal or whether she didnt.

The issue doesnt seem to be that her money was spent, but what it was spent on, if the girl hadnt been asked to pay for the entrance fee but had instead spent it on two ice creams that would have been ok?

Or is it that there are concerns that the family may have used some of the £40 that was given to prop up their own spending if they dont have a lot of money?

The only way you are going to find out is to ask the family, because we can sit here all day saying its ok, its not ok, they must have spent it on booze (not my view but its been suggested)

But you arent going to get to the bottom of this, particularly when you werent there.

Two choices, write it off and have a bit of a grumble because you wouldnt have done it that way, or speak to them.

paulineb_2

balletshoes wrote: »

I think now, from what you've said, that your daughter's pocket money has gone on the arcades and ice cream. She's lucky that she had enough left to pay for her aquarium entrance, but I do think thats strange that she was expected to pay her own way for that. Its possible if she'd spent up before that, that her friend's mum would have paid her in and then asked you for the money when they got home I suppose.

If thats the case though, the daughter had that money to spend, Im assuming she wasnt forced to pay for anyone else?

If the OP really wants to know what the daughters pocket money was spent on, simply a matter of saying, did you buy an ice cream for your friend or pay for some of the arcades

I have to say if I went on holiday my mum would ask me, did you have a good time, swiftly followed by thanks for the present

She wouldnt be asking me where every penny went and I doubt if shed had done that when I was a kid either.

You could always look into a cheap all inclusive holiday somewhere, Im not sure about in the UK, but bound to be places that have all meals provided and possibly some drinks to cut down costs and maybe suggest it to the family as a cheaper option next time.

sweetcheekz

I don't think it is the amount of money that is the issue, I think it is that it was asked for from the child's spending money. If the other mother didn't want to/couldn't pay for the child's entrance fee's, food and/or wanted a contribution to travel and accommodation she should have made this clear before she offered the holiday, it appears that none was asked for and the OP gave a contribution anyway. I too would always offer something, even if it hadn't been asked for, but would hope that my child's spending money was for her to spend as she chose, if they wanted more than I had given they should ask me for more.

shegirl

Just to check:

Am I the only one here who would EXPECT to pay something decent for their kids holiday if somebody else took them and would expect any other parent to know I'm not a bank of freebie holidays if I offered to take their child?

Dunroamin

shegirl wrote: »

Just to check:

Am I the only one here who would EXPECT to pay something decent for their kids holiday if somebody else took them and would expect any other parent to know I'm not a bank of freebie holidays if I offered to take their child?

No definitely not. Even when our foster/adoptive son spent a week with a friend's family at home, we handed over the whole of the fostering allowance to them.

balletshoes

shegirl wrote: »

Just to check:

Am I the only one here who would EXPECT to pay something decent for their kids holiday if somebody else took them and would expect any other parent to know I'm not a bank of freebie holidays if I offered to take their child?

I don't think you're the only one - but as can be seen from this thread and others I've seen over the years, different families have different expectations. Because we're all different, really the only way to avoid any confusion is to spell it out beforehand, in plenty of time.

Kayalana99

shegirl wrote: »

Just to check:

Am I the only one here who would EXPECT to pay something decent for their kids holiday if somebody else took them and would expect any other parent to know I'm not a bank of freebie holidays if I offered to take their child?

If I offered to take another child on hoilday I would no way expect them to pay anything....if the parents offered perhaps its the right thing to do...but I wouldn't offer if I was expecting money in return.

At end day, its my childs treat...plus a friend for them.

jellyhead

shegirl wrote: »

Just to check:

Am I the only one here who would EXPECT to pay something decent for their kids holiday if somebody else took them and would expect any other parent to know I'm not a bank of freebie holidays if I offered to take their child?

We're all different - I'd expect the opposite, but then my children haven't been on holiday without me, except for with their own grandparents.

If I offered to take another child on holiday (or for days out) I would expect to pay for everything, but the other child usually brings some money to buy their own souvenir, and most parents give enough to buy an ice cream for the whole family too.

I've only taken people on days out and for sleepovers though, not actual holidays. I tend to go on camping and caravan holidays with other families, so my children aren't short of friends to pay with around the tent of a morning. Our family holiday involves theme parks and they play with each other anyhow - I assume that the child in OP's scenario is an only.

One friend always gives me the entrance fee, because that's the way she likes to do things and she'd feel awkward if I didn't accept, but I wouldn't invite her child if I wasn't prepared to pay for everything myself.

jellyhead

paulineb wrote: »

Well really, I think people need to weigh up whether the daughter got a good deal or whether she didnt.

The issue doesnt seem to be that her money was spent, but what it was spent on, if the girl hadnt been asked to pay for the entrance fee but had instead spent it on two ice creams that would have been ok?

Or is it that there are concerns that the family may have used some of the £40 that was given to prop up their own spending if they dont have a lot of money?

The only way you are going to find out is to ask the family, because we can sit here all day saying its ok, its not ok, they must have spent it on booze (not my view but its been suggested)

But you arent going to get to the bottom of this, particularly when you werent there.

Two choices, write it off and have a bit of a grumble because you wouldnt have done it that way, or speak to them.

If that was me, I asked about booze not because of the money aspect but because of the oddness of asking her child where her pocket money was when she doesn't seem to have actually given her child any pocket money. Unless the child lost it and lied about it, the mum seems to be erm, 'confused' in some way.

But yes, OP's daughter got a good deal. The aquarium sounds awkward though, enough so for the daughter to have mentioned it to her mum. OP is probably more like me though, paying entrance fees herself for any invitee.

rhubarb22

shegirl wrote: »

Just to check:

Am I the only one here who would EXPECT to pay something decent for their kids holiday if somebody else took them and would expect any other parent to know I'm not a bank of freebie holidays if I offered to take their child?

As I said previously I wouldn't expect any money if I offered to take my dd friends, either on holidays or days out. I do it because it makes my dd happy, and luckily I can afford to, and if I couldn't then I wouldn't offer. I don't think its about being 'a bank of free holidays', its about doing something nice for my child and her friends. However, if I was asked to pay for her to go somewhere with someone, of course I would pay, but perhaps wouldn't invite them to come with us again. I have had my fingers burnt with this in the past, and realised that some parents and are quite happy to take, take, take, but not prepared to do anything back. My dd had a friend round for tea every week for about 6 months, but only got invited back once, not because they couldn't afford it, buy just because they didn't want the hassle. Luckily she no longer plays much with this child, but it was annoying at the time!!! I suppose I could have said no, but my dd is an only child, and I know it can be quite lonely, hence why I am happy to take friends out with us etc and meet the cost.