How to meet people with Christian values for a relationship?

Dunroamin

Treevo wrote: »

I wouldn't call them 'uncharitable' but nor would I condense them as you have.

1. The OP's friend doesn't wish to have a relationship with people who share her values but are 'happy clappy' - is there any way of looking at this in a way which makes the OP's friend appear to not be judging the 'happy clappy' folk?

2. It doesn't seem like she wants someone who shares her values, more she wants someone to tolerate hers. With this in mind I'm wondering whether this is because she's nervous of that side of a relationship and would like to get a ring on her finger before she even tries it to limit the potential for heartbreak.

Given that she is in her 20s and has never had a relationship, I think this is more likely than her just not finding someone to settle down with - if it was the latter, she would at least have been looking.

You don't have to look down on someone to know that your religious beliefs may not be compatible.

lazer

I was brought up in a strict Catholic family, and I can understand what the OP's friend means when they don't want want someone overly religious or "Clappy Happy" - the really devout Catholics in my church anyway believe Catholic is the only true religion, and have 100% faith in everything the church tells them, and will not go against the churches teaches at all regardless of compassion or common sense.
My own form of faith is different - While I believe in Catholiscism I am not so devout that my faith is blind - I I don't think I will burn in Hell for missing mass once in a while, I don't necessarily believe in everything the church teaches - for example I don't believe its a sin to be gay.
In theory I don't believe in sex before marriage (but in reality didn't stick to this but was still a virgin when I met my now husband and would not have sex outside of a very serious relationship but I give in to temptation.

Devoutly religious people in my church are at mass every morning, and constantly preaching and doing church works and admiral as this is it is not would I would want in a partner, I want someone that has time for me as well as the church, and is willing to accept that the church is not always right.

We all have to make our faith work for us.

Dunroamin

I wonder whather your frend realises that there are specific Catholic dating sites rather than generic Christian ones? As a an example,

http://www.catholicmatch.com/catholic-singles-gbr.html

miss_independent

Dunroamin wrote: »

I wonder whather your frend realises that there are specific Catholic dating sites rather than generic Christian ones? As a an example,

http://www.catholicmatch.com/catholic-singles-gbr.html

I'm a bit confused by the OP...you DO get happy clappy Catholics (the one's who are into Charismatic Renewal, Cor et Lumen Christi etc) and you do get orthodox Anglicans or Methodists etc.

I read the OP as the friend was actively seeking a non-catholic or that they didn't want to meet anyone through their faith believing them to be happy clappy. So is the friend looking actively looking to date a non Christian with similar values?

I agree with other posters that it seems a little snobbish/unchristian/counterproductive to rule out meeting anyone who shares their faith.

On the other hand....I'm not going to consider a relationship with someone just because they are male, single and catholic. There have to be other things that I'm attracted to in them as well! So I could understand if the friend just isn't attracted to any of the Catholics or Christian's they have met so far.

Dunroamin

miss_independent wrote: »

I'm a bit confused by the OP...you DO get happy clappy Catholics (the one's who are into Charismatic Renewal, Cor et Lumen Christi etc) and you do get orthodox Anglicans or Methodists etc.

I hadn't considered happy clappy Catholics and I'm not sure whay you mean by "you do get Orthodox, Anglicans or Methodists".

I read the OP as the friend was actively seeking a non-catholic or that they didn't want to meet anyone through their faith believing them to be happy clappy. So is the friend looking actively looking to date a non Christian with similar values?

I took it to mean that they're looking for someone who shares their values and faith but who isn't obsessed with it, running their life round Church based social events.

I agree with other posters that it seems a little snobbish/unchristian/counterproductive to rule out meeting anyone who shares their faith.

On the other hand....I'm not going to consider a relationship with someone just because they are male, single and catholic. There have to be other things that I'm attracted to in them as well! So I could understand if the friend just isn't attracted to any of the Catholics or Christian's they have met so far.

"Catholics or Christians"??

miss_independent

Dunroamin wrote: »

"Catholics or Christians"??

Yes, what I meant was Catholicism is just one tradition of the Christian faith - I wasn't going to then start listing every single Christian tradition. I don't know what other Christians outside of the Catholic faith the friend had met and ruled out.

What I meant was you get "Happy Clappy" Catholics, you get orthodox Catholics (as in very strict), you get Happy Clappy Anglicans or more orthodox Anglicans, there are Evanglical Baptists, the Sally Ann etc etc all under the umbrella of Christianity. I was trying to point out that it's not one size fits all so I don't really understand why the OP is reluctant to date Christians. You suggest Catholic singles which is a great suggestion but are any of our suggestions any good if the OP's friend doesn't want to go out with any Christians? I was hoping that OP might clarify.

For example, pastordating.com was suggested. I might be a Catholic but I wouldn't rule out dating a Pastor providing he respected my beliefs and I his. Does this person actively not want to date Catholics or any Christians? Or have I misread this?

Voyager2002

daisiegg wrote: »

I have a friend who is mid twenties but has not had a relationship since the age of 16.

This friend is desperate for a relationship. Friend is good looking, highly intelligent, has a good job, fun to be around, but is quite socially shy, and has never managed to meet anyone for romance.

Friend has pretty traditional values. Doesn't drink alcohol, not into big nights out, very family oriented, and most importantly - no sex before marriage.

I have suggested things like Christianmingle.com or going along to church groups again and again, but friend asserts that despite having these values, friend is not super religious (attends Catholic Church fairly regularly, but that is it), and is worried that the type of person they will find in this way will be 'happy clappy' and heavily into religion.

My question is, any suggestion where friend can meet the right type of person? The no sex before marriage is a pretty big thing as I think that is quite an unusual value for someone in their twenties to hold these days and it is not something that friend would compromise on.

(Apologies for keeping gender neutral!)

I think that your friend needs to focus on the things that interest her; that she cares about and enjoys doing; and find people who share that interest/passion. There are vast numbers of people around who are comfortable not drinking alcohol and who prefer a country ramble or cultural activity to a noisy 'pub or nightclub. And yes: a personal choice that sex waits until after marriage is a minority position, but far from unheard-of: a partner who deserves serious consideration for marriage would respect that choice, and if her preference is made clear at an early stage then anyone uncomfortable with it is free to move on.

Dunroamin

miss_independent wrote: »

Yes, what I meant was Catholicism is just one tradition of the Christian faith - I wasn't going to then start listing every single Christian tradition. I don't know what other Christians outside of the Catholic faith the friend had met and ruled out.

What I meant was you get "Happy Clappy" Catholics, you get orthodox Catholics (as in very strict), you get Happy Clappy Anglicans or more orthodox Anglicans, there are Evanglical Baptists, the Sally Ann etc etc all under the umbrella of Christianity. I was trying to point out that it's not one size fits all so I don't really understand why the OP is reluctant to date Christians. You suggest Catholic singles which is a great suggestion but are any of our suggestions any good if the OP's friend doesn't want to go out with any Christians? I was hoping that OP might clarify.

For example, pastordating.com was suggested. I might be a Catholic but I wouldn't rule out dating a Pastor providing he respected my beliefs and I his. Does this person actively not want to date Catholics or any Christians? Or have I misread this?

I can't say you've misread it but you've certainly read it differently from the way I have.

(Not having a go but it's a bit confusing when you use the word "orthodox" in that way when talking about Christians - I thought you were talking about the Orthodox Church.):)

anotheruser

Depends why they don't want to develop their religion and become "happy clappy" as you put it.

There are plenty of modern churches around, but I certainly wouldn't call them happy clappy.

Also, large Christian events such as Spring Harvest, Momentum, Worship Central might be worth looking at.
Maybe visit other churches in the area or even big name ones such as Trent Vineyard, HTB, Hillsongs London?

But then if they are fairly devout then I would go down the "working in their church" route. Search for a lady... Vicky Beeching on twitter. She was a worship leader but devotes her life to Jesus without worrying about relationship with a guy. That will come later if that is what God's plan is.

miss_independent

Dunroamin wrote: »

I can't say you've misread it but you've certainly read it differently from the way I have.

(Not having a go but it's a bit confusing when you use the word "orthodox" in that way when talking about Christians - I thought you were talking about the Orthodox Church.):)

We all seem to have different of opinions and readings of what was meant...take Treevo for example.

Yes, I used orthodox without the capital meaning very strict and black and white in their beliefs - I don't like using terms like devout, pious or fundamentalist as to me these can be interpreted very differently. I wouldn't refer to the Orthodox Church myself, I would have said Byzantine or Eastern Orthodox etc because there are now so many Orthodox churches throughout the world. Sorry if it's all a bit pedantic but I studied Theology and religion pretty heavily for many years and got into describing things in certain terms when I was writing my essays.