How to meet people with Christian values for a relationship?

daisiegg

I have a friend who is mid twenties but has not had a relationship since the age of 16.

This friend is desperate for a relationship. Friend is good looking, highly intelligent, has a good job, fun to be around, but is quite socially shy, and has never managed to meet anyone for romance.

Friend has pretty traditional values. Doesn't drink alcohol, not into big nights out, very family oriented, and most importantly - no sex before marriage.

I have suggested things like Christianmingle.com or going along to church groups again and again, but friend asserts that despite having these values, friend is not super religious (attends Catholic Church fairly regularly, but that is it), and is worried that the type of person they will find in this way will be 'happy clappy' and heavily into religion.

My question is, any suggestion where friend can meet the right type of person? The no sex before marriage is a pretty big thing as I think that is quite an unusual value for someone in their twenties to hold these days and it is not something that friend would compromise on.

(Apologies for keeping gender neutral!)

cakeforbrains

Does it matter to your friend if the other person is not a virgin? ie. is it any sex before marriage, or just no sex before marriage within their relationship?

Hopefully that makes sense.

neverdespairgirl

Church-related social events? Worth a try, surely?

aileth

There's websites like christiansingles.com etc and I would assume you would put sort of your 'level' of religion, e.g. orthodox, devout or whatever. I know a Muslim lady, she still drinks, she doesn't wear head coverings etc, I don't think she's even too fussed about eid, and she would no way be able to cope with someone who was incredibly devout as despite being the same religion beliefs still vary wildly!

daisiegg

cakeforbrains wrote: »

Does it matter to your friend if the other person is not a virgin? ie. is it any sex before marriage, or just no sex before marriage within their relationship?

Hopefully that makes sense.

Good question. We haven't had that conversation. I suspect friend would be ok with someone who was not a virgin, as long as that person didn't expect my friend to have sex.

daisiegg

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

Church-related social events? Worth a try, surely?

This is what I say! But friend would rater meet someone through a different avenue that is not church related. Maybe if this keeps not working, eventually they will give in and try a church thing...

heartbreak_star

Slightly off-topic - don't throw things at me - but if you don't have sex before marriage, what happens if you find out you're really not compatible in bed?

Is it any sexual act or just full intercourse?

Just curious

HBS x

trevorsminted

New partner could lie and say a virgin when not, I mean you cannot prove otherwise!

Just like some twist how many ex partners they have had :T

daisiegg

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Slightly off-topic - don't throw things at me - but if you don't have sex before marriage, what happens if you find out you're really not compatible in bed?

Is it any sexual act or just full intercourse?

Just curious

HBS x

Sorry, no idea!

'Friend' isn't code for 'me', btw - I am married and certainly wasn't a virgin bride :rotfl:

aileth

heartbreak_star wrote: »

but if you don't have sex before marriage, what happens if you find out you're really not compatible in bed?


HBS x

Lie back and think of England.

miss_independent

daisiegg wrote: »

I have a friend who is mid twenties but has not had a relationship since the age of 16.

This friend is desperate for a relationship. Friend is good looking, highly intelligent, has a good job, fun to be around, but is quite socially shy, and has never managed to meet anyone for romance.

Friend has pretty traditional values. Doesn't drink alcohol, not into big nights out, very family oriented, and most importantly - no sex before marriage.

I have suggested things like Christianmingle.com or going along to church groups again and again, but friend asserts that despite having these values, friend is not super religious (attends Catholic Church fairly regularly, but that is it), and is worried that the type of person they will find in this way will be 'happy clappy' and heavily into religion.

My question is, any suggestion where friend can meet the right type of person? The no sex before marriage is a pretty big thing as I think that is quite an unusual value for someone in their twenties to hold these days and it is not something that friend would compromise on.

(Apologies for keeping gender neutral!)

Sounds a fair bit like me - I don't drink alcohol, am very family orientated and not happy clappy. There are still some young Catholics/Christians (and older ones too) who try to live their Christian values. I have to say alot of the ones I know haven't/didn't abstain from sex before marriage (although some do) but this was mainly because they dated outside their faith. I think if they knew it was important to a girlfriend or boyfriend to wait until marriage, they would be prepared to even though they hadn't. Maybe your friend wouldn't be ok about marrying someone who isn't a virgin though? Even amongst my non religious friends, about 3 of mine hadn't had sex by their mid-twenties. They were waiting for Mr Right .

I do date secularly. No young unmarried men attend my church. Also, you can date someone who knows the bible inside out but doesn't live their values and that would mean less to me than someone who isn't religious (but respects my faith), but has good morals and is compatible to me. Mixed faith relationships can often work well too.

I wouldn't necessarily suggest christian dating sites. I'd suggest your friend join things like project2030 or youth 2000 and parish groups, go on retreats, pilgrimages and days of renewal, volunteer for charities or to help at Lourdes etc and that way they are getting to meet lots of people with similar values. I've met lots of friends that way. Even if they don't meet "the one", they might meet someone who could introduce them to "the one".