How to meet people with Christian values for a relationship?

Torry_Quine

miss_independent wrote: »

If they are a very devout Catholic then technically they shouldn't participate in any sexual contact before marriage....

Most Christians who abstain believe they have their whole lives together as husband and wife to get it right. Church documents such as Theology of the Body by Pope John Paul 2 donemphasise the importance of a mutually fulfilling sex life within a marriage. Its not a "sex is bad" attitude but "sex is amazing when within the context of a marriage." attitude.

I do believe that once in a serious relationship, a couple should be able to talk frankly about sex, their expectations, sex drives etc. If they find abstinence extremely easy then I would take that to mean they had a low libido and that could create massive problems later on with a spouse who had a higher sex drive. There is a huge difference between abstinence and total lack of sexual desire.

If you've never had sex then although not easy to remain celibate until marriage I would think it less of a problem than if you have already had sex so know what you'r missing so to speak.

I do agree with the idea that sex is an amazing gift that is for your spouse only.

I consider myself an introvert and never went out socially but met my husband at work with no expectations there.

Treevo

She needs to just get out there, though I should say that she probably shouldn't pretend that she's too good for the 'happy clappy' when they're probably the only type to share her 'values'.

Is it possible that she's using her values to avoid dating? Because it sounds as if she feels she's left it too late and now is using the values as an excuse to lock someone down before they can leave her, and so this is why she's dismissive of those who share her values and actually, she just wants someone who will tolerate her values but not share them. The word 'values' has now lost all meaning to me.

tea_lover

Treevo wrote: »

She needs to just get out there, though I should say that she probably shouldn't pretend that she's too good for the 'happy clappy' when they're probably the only type to share her 'values'.

Is it possible that she's using her values to avoid dating? Because it sounds as if she feels she's left it too late and now is using the values as an excuse to lock someone down before they can leave her, and so this is why she's dismissive of those who share her values and actually, she just wants someone who will tolerate her values but not share them. The word 'values' has now lost all meaning to me.

??? It doesn't sound anything like that to me.

neverdespairgirl

daisiegg wrote: »

This is what I say! But friend would rater meet someone through a different avenue that is not church related. Maybe if this keeps not working, eventually they will give in and try a church thing...

I think he should - he isn't half making life tougher for himself by avoiding the obvious!

Treevo

tea_lover wrote: »

??? It doesn't sound anything like that to me.

It is possible for things to be interpreted differently by different people.

tea_lover

Treevo wrote: »

It is possible for things to be interpreted differently by different people.

True. I just wondered how you'd come to your rather uncharitable conclusions. There doesn't seem to be anything in the OP's posts that describe her friend as feeling too good for other people, or wanting to lock someone down before they leave him/her.

Tish_P

daisiegg wrote: »

Do you have any links for those sites, please?

I just read about them and never looked at them, I'm afraid, so your Google is as good as mine! I like the idea, though.

I've read some horror stories about marriages where inexperienced spouses were completely sexually incompatible, but presumably those were a failure of communication rather than an inherently bad thing about waiting (and also because the churches concerned basically taught that women shouldn't have sex drives at all).

heartbreak_star

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I do agree with the idea that sex is an amazing gift that is for your spouse only.

Do you never wonder what it's like with someone else?

(Sorry, I am just curious!)

HBS x

Treevo

tea_lover wrote: »

True. I just wondered how you'd come to your rather uncharitable conclusions. There doesn't seem to be anything in the OP's posts that describe her friend as feeling too good for other people, or wanting to lock someone down before they leave him/her.

I wouldn't call them 'uncharitable' but nor would I condense them as you have.

1. The OP's friend doesn't wish to have a relationship with people who share her values but are 'happy clappy' - is there any way of looking at this in a way which makes the OP's friend appear to not be judging the 'happy clappy' folk?

2. It doesn't seem like she wants someone who shares her values, more she wants someone to tolerate hers. With this in mind I'm wondering whether this is because she's nervous of that side of a relationship and would like to get a ring on her finger before she even tries it to limit the potential for heartbreak.

Given that she is in her 20s and has never had a relationship, I think this is more likely than her just not finding someone to settle down with - if it was the latter, she would at least have been looking.

Torry_Quine

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Do you never wonder what it's like with someone else?

(Sorry, I am just curious!)

HBS x

Interesting question but no I don't. In fact the thought of sex with anyone else makes me feel ill.