Can't stand my inlaws!

LannieDuck

It seems to me that you're really just asking for three things:

1. They treat you respectfully.
2. They treat both your children equally (or if this is too much, they at least treat your older child respectfully.)
3. They refrain from making any sort of derogatory remark about your eldest child, even if they "didn't mean it in that way".

Do you think there's any chance your OH might get them to agree to some simple rules, and you could bear to be around them under those circumstances?

paulineb_2

Anon234 wrote: »

She does the books and tax for OHs business, so he can pay her more than she could get elsewhere, everything is done online and she has access to all his online bank accs unfortunately

He could do them himself. Im a sole trader and I do my own tax returns

And anything she does for the business should stay that way ie confidential and not used as a stick to beat you with

I really feel for you OP but I think you are going to have to have some serious words with him and soon

balletshoes

Anon234 wrote: »

I have thought about this numerous times, and tbh we have come to the point of splitting up a few times over this.

Every argument descends into 'we'll I can see my parents because your a !!!!!' and on a few occasions my !!!!!! child (his words not mine obviously) has also been blamed...( easy to see his parents attitudes have rubbed off on him)

We are so much happier on the few weeks she goes abroad every year, no interfering rubbish.

He speaks to her several times a day so it's hard to get my side across without her whispering nastiness in his ear.

I'm getting the impression from you OP that you both say things you know will hurt each other when you're arguing. Are you okay with that level of mud-slinging? It wouldn't be for me - that would grind me down.

Anon234

LannieDuck wrote: »

It seems to me that you're really just asking for three things:

1. They treat you respectfully.
2. They treat both your children equally (or if this is too much, they at least treat your older child respectfully.)
3. They refrain from making any sort of derogatory remark about your eldest child, even if they "didn't mean it in that way".

Do you think there's any chance your OH might get them to agree to some simple rules, and you could bear to be around them under those circumstances?

Hmmm. That's the thing really, I think so much has been said that I would be forever waiting for the little sly dig that I know will come.

I'd much prefer to stay out of it but that costs me financially and isn't good enough for OH and his mum.

On the plus side FIL refuses to ever speak to myself or my daughter again, so I'm unsure how a visit to their house would actually work, maybe we would have to communicate through my OH

Anon234

balletshoes wrote: »

I'm getting the impression from you OP that you both say things you know will hurt each other when you're arguing. Are you okay with that level of mud-slinging? It wouldn't be for me - that would grind me down.

Yes that's what it has come to. Really. Although I tend to say nothing now during any argument. I know what happens and the things that are said. I'm a bit fed up being painted as the bad one constantly.

I'm stating to think his parents are a symptom of bigger problems really

paulineb_2

Anon234 wrote: »

I have thought about this numerous times, and tbh we have come to the point of splitting up a few times over this.

Every argument descends into 'we'll I can see my parents because your a !!!!!' and on a few occasions my !!!!!! child (his words not mine obviously) has also been blamed...( easy to see his parents attitudes have rubbed off on him)

We are so much happier on the few weeks she goes abroad every year, no interfering rubbish.

He speaks to her several times a day so it's hard to get my side across without her whispering nastiness in his ear.

Hes called your child !!!!!!?

Seriously I think you and he need to get some professional counselling or you need to think about getting away from him for some time

Its not on and maybe because you are dealing with so much abuse as a result of these parents you are excusing his nastiness, no excuses for calling your daughter horrible names like that

I wouldnt want to be married to someone like that, full stop

paulineb_2

Anon234 wrote: »

Yes that's what it has come to. Really. Although I tend to say nothing now during any argument. I know what happens and the things that are said. I'm a bit fed up being painted as the bad one constantly.

I'm stating to think his parents are a symptom of bigger problems really

I think it sounds like you are right on that score

Heffi1

I had problems with my MIL, she was the most awful woman I had ever met, but I tried to be reasonable and to get on with her. We moved house a lot as I am from a service background and each time we moved we forwarded on the new address, we (I) constantly tried to keep in touch, but it was as if letters were not getting through, we never received a single reply. This was before mobile phones. Neither of my two children were acknowledged at birth of afterwards and that hurt, but again I thought I would make an effort.

The last time I saw them my youngest was 18 months old, and on leaving their house I told myself and him that I would not be going back, I had done all I could to make a relationship with the woman and had received nothing back in return, so I was finished with it. I did not go back to her house after that, nor did I make any effort to keep in touch, her son if he wanted to, could do that,

my youngest was 21 when she died, and both of my kids went to her funeral, (I did not) they did not know who she was as a person, and that is her loss.

She took a dislike to me for her own reasons and to this day I do not know why, but I have not been not put on this earth to pander to other people's bad behaviour, if you cannot treat me with respect then please have nothing to do with me, it will save a lot of heartache all round.

carefullycautious

I want to give you a big hug. Why do we do this to each other

marisco_2

Bennifred wrote: »

I'm actually surprised you let your youngest have anything to do with such vile people, grandparents or not. Who knows what he/she hears them saying about you and your eldest when you aren't there?! :mad:

Normally I am loathe to suggest that extended family should not have contact with children. Grandparents can be a vital and very healthy influence in a child's life. It is clear from what you have divulged about your parents in law that this is not the case in your situation though. Bennifred raises some very valid points as to why seeing the grandparents would be a negative experience for your youngest child. He/she is old enough to know that they differentiate between him/her and their older sister. He/she will begin to question this. It would also be awful for him/her to be subjected to any vitriol aimed at yourself and a sibling, people he/she loves. I feel very sorry for the predicament you are in.