Can't stand my inlaws!

Anon234

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

Why are you doing this and having you and your DD stay in a hotel? This is completely and utterly crazy. Stop at home and let him go on his own with the youngest...

Youngest wont stay anywhere if I'm not there, he can't cope with her in the car for hours on his own and tbh he needs me there to look after her. So if I don't go he won't take youngest which will then be my fault, even when he explains to MIL he can't bring her alone, it's my fault for raising a clingy child

Anon234

marisco wrote: »

How did he respond to this? I have an incredible bond with my father but I can tell you this, if he ever sent me such an email effectively telling me that if I chose a partner over him he would never speak to me again, that would be the end of my relationship with him.

Your husband is an adult who has chosen to marry you, take on your daughter from a previous relationship and have a child of his own with you. His mother has no respect for his choices or the significant people in his life. This is something he really needs to acknowledge before her interference wrecks what he has with you.

He reacted my having an almighty row with me about what I had caused. Because I can't keep my mouth shut. It ruined my DDs first Xmas which I presume was what she wanted

nearlyrich

I wouldn't go if one of my children wasn't welcome they wouldn't see the other either. My late in laws were heading for 80 when I met and married (eventually) their son, I had two small children both under five, and they took to them like natural grandparents taking them out having them to stay buying them presents. I have two grown up step children and my two are grown up too and I hope they would never feel as bad as the OP feels about a situation that is the outcome of a nasty old biddy mentality. I try to be supportive without interfering, offer advice if asked for but refrain from commenting on things that are not my business like finance and how children behave...

Bennifred

I'm actually surprised you let your youngest have anything to do with such vile people, grandparents or not. Who knows what he/she hears them saying about you and your eldest when you aren't there?! :mad:

I wouldn't be going and spending time and money staying nearby while your OH visits them either - it's outrageous that he expects you to. I'd be saying to OH - you go, fine, I and my children are staying here!


I'm not thinking very highly of your OH - how do you put up with it?

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Anon234 wrote: »

Youngest wont stay anywhere if I'm not there, he can't cope with her in the car for hours on his own and tbh he needs me there to look after her. So if I don't go he won't take youngest which will then be my fault, even when he explains to MIL he can't bring her alone, it's my fault for raising a clingy child

I'd tell her to foxtrot oscar personally; and that it's no wonder youngest is upset, any child would be traumatised at spending any time with such an old witch.

meritaten

Anon234 wrote: »

She won't, she says I will ruin her visit,, which means that last time she was up and tried to start her nonsense I stopped bothering, told OH he could go see her but keep her away from us. It's makes her feel unwelcome so she's not visiting us again.
She went as far as sensing an email on Xmas eve saying if he wanted to choose me then that was fine they would never speak to him again.

What sane person would ask a man to choose between his mother and his wife? she really does have it in for you doesn't she?

so, when your OH read that, didn't he think it a bit strange?
didn't he see how nasty and spiteful she is to a young child?
Does he really expect you to smile and show respect to this person - and how does he have the gall to say you 'over-react'? is this really how he thinks a parent should behave? because if he does, I would be thinking very very hard about what his own attitude to his child will be in future.
I agree with Marisco - this woman and possibly your FIL too sound like narcissists to me too. There are various threads on here about them and one thing most people agree on is that they are best avoided. you CAN deal with them if you have to - but its how to do it on YOUR terms and not thiers that is the problem. easier if there is considerable distance between you.

btw - I would tell my OH that while I would support his seeing these people - no way would I want my DD within 300 miles of them - he goes alone! and sod the repercussions!

Anon234

Bennifred wrote: »

I'm actually surprised you let your youngest have anything to do with such vile people, grandparents or not. Who knows what he/she hears them saying about you and your eldest when you aren't there?! :mad:

I wouldn't be going and spending time and money staying nearby while your OH visits them either - it's outrageous that he expects you to. I'd be saying to OH - you go, fine, I and my children are staying here!


I'm not thinking very highly of your OH - how do you put up with it?

We argue bout it continually, he wants me to make peace with her, failing to see that a) I will not and cannot forget how they have treated my daughter and myself and b) it will never matter what I do, it won't be good enough.ever.

marisco_2

Bennifred wrote: »

I'd be saying to OH - you go, fine, I and my children are staying here!

The OPs husband really needs to see the OP, her daughter from a previous relationship and the child he had with her as his family unit and main concern. She should be referring to the children as 'our' not 'my' if he is ever going to make them his priority.

carefullycautious

the more I read your posts the more it must feel that you have just been the receptacle for him to provide his parents with a grandchild. I cant believe you have to pay for yourself and your older child to stay in a hotel. What is wrong with this man?

Anon234

carefullycautious wrote: »

the more I read your posts the more it must feel that you have just been the receptacle for him to provide his parents with a grandchild. I cant believe you have to pay for yourself and your older child to stay in a hotel. What is wrong with this man?

Because she has said we can stay at her house, obviously we would have to endure her abuse, but technically we can stay there. As its my choice not to, I have to pay for a hotel.