Can't stand my inlaws!

Anon234

I am standing back and saying and doing nothing, despite her constant interference in our finances and the constant accusations I spend all her sons money,

The main problem is despite standing back and causing no hassle this is now being used as a tool to blame me for her not visiting her son, I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.

I agree with whomever said it will cause friction in my marriage. It already is, I feel annoyed and a bit put out tbh that she continues to pull the apron strings and he bows down to whatever she wants. She's hell bent on causing issues no matter what I do. My worry is I will reach breaking point, I have told this to my OH who again says to just ignore them. Yet at anytime it can be thrown at me that his parents can't visit because of me and my DD

paulineb_2

balletshoes wrote: »

:eek: that would be enough for me - I'd be suggesting your OH takes your youngest on visits to his family if he wants to carry on a relationship with them, and you stay home with your eldest, have some girly time together.

I would not have been able to keep my mouth shut if anyone said that about my daughter - I'd have had to call them out on it.

I agree with this

and it sounds like the OP is getting no support from her husband

Shameful really

Anon234

balletshoes wrote: »

:eek: that would be enough for me - I'd be suggesting your OH takes your youngest on visits to his family if he wants to carry on a relationship with them, and you stay home with your eldest, have some girly time together.

I would not have been able to keep my mouth shut if anyone said that about my daughter - I'd have had to call them out on it.

Believe me, I didn't keep my mouth shut. She was told in no uncertain terms as was her husband that unless they apologised we were leaving and I was taking their grandchild with me.

I wish OH could see it the way I do. If any of my family made him feel unwelcome or acted this way then we would all be unwelcome until the pulled their socks up.

I just feel like I'm fighting a losing battle, no matter what I do, she complains and then so does he

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Anon234 wrote: »

Yet at anytime it can be thrown at me that his parents can't visit because of me and my DD

They can - they can stay in a hotel and he can take your youngest out for days with them.

However my issue would be with a man who lets someone talk like that to a 9 yr old.

paulineb_2

Anon234 wrote: »

Believe me, I didn't keep my mouth shut. She was told in no uncertain terms as was her husband that unless they apologised we were leaving and I was taking their grandchild with me.

I wish OH could see it the way I do. If any of my family made him feel unwelcome or acted this way then we would all be unwelcome until the pulled their socks up.

I just feel like I'm fighting a losing battle, no matter what I do, she complains and then so does he

As someone said earlier, I think you need to distance yourself from her, you dont talk about her, refer to her, see her

Your husbands priority should be making a life with you and your kids and that doesnt need to me there should be no contact with his parents

But if they cant treat you and your eldest decently, make it very clear thats why you are staying away and until theres a marked difference in their attitude, you wont be seeing them again

No one could blame you in the face of such blatant animosity and horrible behaviour towards your eldest

TeamLowe

My fil is an absolutely horrible man, I tried to deal with it by ignoring it and trying my best to be nice but nothing was good enough. Telling dh how bad he was making me feel would achieve nothing but an argument as his general attitude was to knuckle under ans he was scared of his dad so wouldn't defend me.
I finally said to DH its up to you but I'm having nothing more to do with them.
A week later DH plucked up the courage to cut off ties himself. Turns out it was only having my 'support' that made him able to tolerate his father's behaviour. Now he's away from it he's really angry at how he was treated and angry at himself for not defending me

Cutting ties was the best thing I ever did, so much happier now

marisco_2

pinkshoes wrote: »

They are his PARENTS, and they raised him to be the person that he is today, the man that you love and married, so they can't be all that bad, can they?!?

For this reason alone, you ARE being unreasonable, as by picking fault with them, you are picking fault with him, hence he is undoubtedly upset.

I don't understand your logic. By picking fault with her parents in law, who are behaving abhorrently toward the OP and her eldest child, she is not picking fault with her husband. They are completely separate individuals. He is not responsible for their behaviour and so does not need to take any totally justified criticism of them personally.

Anon234

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

They can - they can stay in a hotel and he can take your youngest out for days with them.

However my issue would be with a man who lets someone talk like that to a 9 yr old.

She won't, she says I will ruin her visit,, which means that last time she was up and tried to start her nonsense I stopped bothering, told OH he could go see her but keep her away from us. It's makes her feel unwelcome so she's not visiting us again.
She went as far as sensing an email on Xmas eve saying if he wanted to choose me then that was fine they would never speak to him again.

pmlindyloo

I am obviously going to be out on a limb here with how I feel.

You, your OH and your children are a family. Your OH's parents are the extended family.

Your family comes first. Your extended family welcomes you as a family. They do not pick and choose.

Your OH (and now you) are enabling the parents to act in this way by agreeing to their terms.

Time to act like a family. Time to be treated like a family.

When the parents treat you as the family you are then you will visit as a family and you will welcome them to your home as part of your extended family. Until they accept you as a family then you do not visit unless it is as a family.

It seems to me that your OH has not made that 'transition' and still sees his parents as his family.

He has to choose where his priorities lie.

Enough said by me. Time to talk to OH.

paulineb_2

Anon234 wrote: »

She won't, she says I will ruin her visit,, which means that last time she was up and tried to start her nonsense I stopped bothering, told OH he could go see her but keep her away from us. It's makes her feel unwelcome so she's not visiting us again.
She went as far as sensing an email on Xmas eve saying if he wanted to choose me then that was fine they would never speak to him again.

She sounds like she has massive issues of her own.

How sad sending an email like that, trying to make their son choose between his parents and his wife

I wonder what your husband has had to deal with from her growing up, but even so, he needs to get this sorted out once and for all