Can't stand my inlaws!

Anon234

Pechow wrote: »

Surely you've given enough details that if he read this your husband would recognise it's you anyway?

You do need to learn to compromise and learn to deal with them somehow, but your OH really should be listening to you and taking your feelings into account.

As to how they're treating your first child, such as the comment about her being a nightmare, that's unacceptable. Why didn't your OH say anything?

Well if he reads this maybe he can see other perspectives.

He says I am over reacting, ( my first dd has mild autism and can be a handful) but I was fuming, I will admit I went loopy when they said that, I told them they were horrible people and how dare they speak to my child in that way, I took booth children and left at once. Again she played the victim and OH expects me to apologise for upsetting her. He doesn't see anything she does as wrong.

For example. I made the effort to go visit her, I didn't want to but I was trying to mend bridges. She ignored me and my eldest, completely ignored is, like we weren't even in the room. The atmosphere was so bad we left. Again she played the victim and OH was making excuses for her.

Anon234

pinkshoes wrote: »

It's a really old fashioned thing though, which isn't nice, but perhaps just their viewpoint.

In their day, if you had a child with someone, you stayed with them.

My own grandparents found it hard to accept when my uncle married someone who already had a daughter.

Perhaps, but that's their issue not my child's. surely manners were around in their day too

shoppaholic_returns

Sorry,but you don't need to get on with these people at all.
I have been through exactly the same trauma with OH parents who through no fault of my own been awful to me SIL has joined in also on many occasions. She is single, unattractive and insanely jealous of OH having gotten on in life.

The MIL in particular, used to think she was something very special and try to be particularly condescending towards me, she also didn't like the fact I am not unintelligent and would argue over stupid things like taking me to task over scrabble spellings. I knew were right, but she would just have to check, on me only.

After keeping my mouth shut, for some time, after her not congratulating me at our wedding and then threatening me if I didn't look after her son, she would kill me,not in a joking way,either! She then told me after viewing our wedding pictures,that she only wanted one of her and her son!!!:eek:

Well, I now have an excuse not to have to waste my weekends travelling there, OH now has also told her what he thinks of her and only speaks to her occasionally.

Life is sooo much better without having to incurr such horrid behaviour from her and her horrid daughter, who is of course the golden child!

You really Don't need to put up with it,it is their loss not yours x

reehsetin

Anon234 wrote: »

one comment was, I hope your going to bring up our grandchild better than her, another one of her would be a nightmare. In front of my child. OH said nothing, and they weren't joking.

Maybe I'm just being an over protective parent.

No, you're not, that is completely unacceptable, you need to find out if you're husband thinks it is acceptable, if it is that should tell you something, and if it isn't then he should do something about it or allow you and your little girl to stay away from his family. When the baby's old enough they could visit his parents alone

Anon234

carolan78 wrote: »

I would speak to the 12yo they're old enough now to understand sometimes for those we care about we have to bite our tongue. I am presuming here of course the 12yo has a good relationship with your DH.

Yes she does, and I have spoken to her about it. She seems fine staying away, but I know Xmas and birthdays it does affect her when lorry loads of presents arrive for my you gets and she gets nothing.
However, this is my issue and I don't expect anything materially for my dd from them. Just some manners and niceness( even if they faked it)

neverdespairgirl

Anon234 wrote: »

Right, I know that's a confusing rant but I'm not willing to be involved with people like that..and I'm a bit p'd off that hubby doesn't see my point of view. So other than completely stating out of it and letting them go there alone ( they live 300 miles away) what else can I do?

Advice would be welcome, even if it turns out I'm wrong:rotfl:

Thanks xx

Treevo wrote: »

Don't let them near either of your children. If our OH allows this behaviour to continue, then you might want to reconsider our future with such a man.

I think the second comment is way too harsh.

My paternal grandmother took against my mother, very badly, after my parents' third child was born. After she stayed with us for Christmas when that child, my younger sister, was 6 months old, she didn't stay with us again, and the last time my mother and grandmother were ever actually in the same room was when my parents' fourth child was chistened.

My mother was angelic about it, despite the fact that my grandmother's dislike of her was entirely and completely irrational, and that my grandmother caused as much trouble as she could.

My mother made sure that my Dad took all of us to see her regularly, and encouraged us to send postcards when on holiday, birthday cards, Christmas cards, etc. She never, ever let on to any of us as children that there was any friction at all between them, and did her best to foster the relationship between Dad and his mother, and the four of us and our grandmother.

She recognised how difficult it was for my Dad, too, and did her best to smooth the path.

I only found out about it when I was grown up, well after my paternal grandmother had died, and I'm very grateful to my mother for all her low-key, sefllessness.

shelley_crow

I would be apoplectic with rage if any of those comments had been directed at my child and even more so if they were unchallenged. I'm afraid that goes beyond being able to bite your tongue and live with it. Why should an adult be allowed to get away with being verbally abusive to a child, all because they happen to be related by marriage?

Your eldest is not a verbal punchbag and I'd be inclined to give FIL a few choice words, take both kids and high tail it home. You need to say something and soon before this abuse escalates, FIL's behaviour is unchallenged and is just a green light to continue. Hubby needs to grow a backbone too, anyone who speaks to children in this manner is worse than pond scum (in my opinion).

(ETA: glad to see you have addressed FIL'S comments. They sound like a charming family)!

Pechow

Anon234 wrote: »

Well if he reads this maybe he can see other perspectives.

He says I am over reacting, ( my first dd has mild autism and can be a handful) but I was fuming, I will admit I went loopy when they said that, I told them they were horrible people and how dare they speak to my child in that way, I took booth children and left at once. Again she played the victim and OH expects me to apologise for upsetting her. He doesn't see anything she does as wrong.

For example. I made the effort to go visit her, I didn't want to but I was trying to mend bridges. She ignored me and my eldest, completely ignored is, like we weren't even in the room. The atmosphere was so bad we left. Again she played the victim and OH was making excuses for her.

I hope he does read this. Having your mother (/parents) ignore your wife and her child-who is supposed to also now be your child, part of your family at the very least-is not normal or acceptable. Even if you were of the opinion that grown adults should work out spats between themselves why did he not stand up for the daughter? Same for the comment about her being a nightmare, too. I hope you didn't/don't apologise because you have nothing to apologise for.

paulineb_2

Anon234 wrote: »

Yes she does, and I have spoken to her about it. She seems fine staying away, but I know Xmas and birthdays it does affect her when lorry loads of presents arrive for my you gets and she gets nothing.
However, this is my issue and I don't expect anything materially for my dd from them. Just some manners and niceness( even if they faked it)

Id be returning those presents

Cant even get a token for your other kid, back they go

Anon234

reehsetin wrote: »

No, you're not, that is completely unacceptable, you need to find out if you're husband thinks it is acceptable, if it is that should tell you something, and if it isn't then he should do something about it or allow you and your little girl to stay away from his family. When the baby's old enough they could visit his parents alone

He says they didn't mean it as I took it..although they were not joking having just spent the afternoon with my dd, who was 9 at the time and a real handful and a half.

Apparently I should have ignored it and not made a deal out of it because I said something and stood up for my child he thinks I caused the issues, he fails to see she had an issue with me from day one, he's an only child and she blames me for him moving away.

For me, if ant forgive the things she said when I had pnd, she was screaming in my face threatening to hit me and take my child and he just stood there. I haven't seen or spoken to her since then, he has seen them as has my youngest, but he thinks I'm making the trouble and should just forgive and forget.

The joys of Inlaws. My own family are hassle enough without someone else's.