Issues with DH (again)

notanewuser

globetraveller wrote: »

How often do you or OH phone or Skype them? Perhaps you could could initiate more skyping?
Also do you think that you are overprotective of your DD? Have you let him do much looking after? Or do you think you are the only one who can do all this properly? Every weekend you have where you are both at home- alternate. One Saturday you take off for a while and have some free time of your own. He can do the same next Saturday.
Explain how tiring it is to go up so often to his family but that you will Skype more often. when you do go up, leave your daughter with her grandparents for a while. She has seen them before.
I haven't read any of your other threads( knowingly anyway) but you need to let go a bit. You can't do everything. Also, tell him you don't like taking the car on your own with your daughter. Could you take the train( or even fly?). Finally, invite your inlaws for a weekend. Let them make the effort.
I don't think its your inlaws that are the main problem- its your relationship with OH. And perhaps its not all onesided?? I obviously don't know - just giving you food for thought perhaps??

I love to drive, that's fine. But I've not had to drive that far on my own with DD before. We'll be doing that in the next couple of weeks as there's a family christening to go to (oh joy). You can't fly to Yorkshire from Cardiff, nor could we cover the distances to visit everybody without a car up there (there's about 50 miles between most of them).

I don't want to do everything. Usually when he's in charge of DD everything is fine, but she'll ask me for drinks/food whatever and I'll tell her to ask DD. I don't worry about him looking after her for a few hours, but would worry about her if he was away with her overnight. That's something we both need to work on.

We've tried suggesting skyping but they're always doing something else etc.

Having them down here isn't much fun for me. It's like having 3 more children to look after.

Errata

He's 37 years old, he sulks, he can't be bothered to feed and water his own small child, he wants to play with his brothers. Sounds like you have two toddlers, not one.

notanewuser

Errata wrote: »

He's 37 years old, he sulks, he can't be bothered to feed and water his own small child, he wants to play with his brothers. Sounds like you have two toddlers, not one.

Well, when you put it like that!

Doesn't really help me though..........

paulineb_2

Things need to change, if they dont you either need to accept this is the way it will be for quite some time to come

Or think about other solutions. One of which could be some thought about whether your partner is actually the right person for you given his lack of support

valk_scot

notanewuser wrote: »

He had DD on his own for 8 hours while I worked the other weekend. He took her out (I got her dressed and gave her breakfast while he showered and gave him snacks and drinks to take). They went out at 11am and came back at 5pm. By 6pm her behaviour was atrocious - I'd never ever seen her like that. She was wild. I thought he must have given her something really dodgy to eat. Nope. He'd given her a small chocolate bar in the afternoon. That was it. He didn't give her any proper food all day long. I sent him to the chippy with a flea in his ear and she literally fell on her fish and chips. Poor little mite was starving.

So I'm afraid I can't trust him to take her there for a whole weekend. He just doesn't think about what she needs. She's very adaptable and loves his family, but not feeding her all day? :eek::eek:

Well, that's something that needs addressing now rather than let it roll on. He needs the practice in looking after her now otherwise what happens if you had to go away urgently, fell ill or, god forbid, died suddenly? It's no good for anyone including you for him to remain in ignorance of the basics of having to look after her. You should arrange a couple of practice days before you can trust him with her for a full day, sure, but otherwise make sure he understands the basics of where she's at re potty training and food requirements and then shoo them out the door. Otherwise you really are going to get stuch with the 24/7 childcare till she leaves home, if he has no idea what to do and you don't trust him to do anything.

Errata

notanewuser wrote: »

Well, when you put it like that!

Doesn't really help me though..........

If it feels a bit close to the truth, treat him like a toddler with a firm "No means NO".

paulineb_2

Youre also allowing this situation to continue by saying you dont trust him with your child, I totally agree with the poster who says he has to be able to be with his kid and be able to feed her and look after her

I dont have kids but Id still be able to give a child a snack, take the kid to the loo etc

Its not exactly rocket science is it, feeding a child when its hungry

paulineb_2

There are 10 years between myself and my brother, I used to be able give him a snack when I was 10 years of age and older, no excuses that someone of 37 cant be trusted with a toddler.

LannieDuck

I agree with those suggesting you make OH take care of DD by himself more often. He needs to learn.

It may also help him understand why you're shattered after working and looking after her full time... and why you don't appreciate his comments about his life being so relaxed :P

amus

If they expect to be waited on when they visit, why don't you just sit back and let OH deal with it?

TBH your DH sounds a lot like mine (works away sometimes, thinks he can continue to do the activities he did pre kids, doesn't think of the things he should at times when looking after the kids etc) however I simply don't let him get away with it!! If I waited on him and let him get away with doing what he wanted to do he would lap it up!!