Issues with DH (again)

red_devil

when people get married etc they marry their partner not the family? Do what you want to do>

kettlefish

You are a better woman than I, OP, if you really were happy for him to go with your blessing. I would be saying it was up to him, and would deal with whatever decision he made, but I'd really, really, really hope he'd make the "right" decision to come home and give the night out a miss, given how little time you spend together at the moment.

I think he is very lucky to have such a supportive partner. To be honest it seems to me like he is having his cake and eating it here - having time to indulge his hobbies and pastimes, and I include a night out in that category, while you do the day-to-day slog with your little one AND consultancy work (which, incidentally, doesn't sound like it's just a case of one eye on the PC - sounds pretty intense and more of a "career" than a job IYKWIM! ) I think he is being unreasonable but as I say, you are a better, more understanding wife than I!

I don't have any advice (I don't have any in-laws, for starters) but just wanted to express my surprise at his behaviour.

valk_scot

Why would you drive and he get the train? Why couldn't you all get the train? (If you were going, that is.) It's much easier to deal with potty training toddlers on a train with a handy loo, in the car it's easier to put them back into pull-ups or a nappy in my experience though you may not want to do that of course. And there would be two of you to entertain her on the train.

I agree with you for not wanting to go btw, just wondering why the train/car split.

Also, why doesn't he take her up to see his parents one weekend on his own so you could catch up on work? (Or sleep...) DD would see her grandparents, OH and DD would have some bonding time, you'd get a breather.

cutestkids

valk_scot wrote: »

Why would you drive and he get the train? Why couldn't you all get the train? (If you were going, that is.) It's much easier to deal with potty training toddlers on a train with a handy loo, in the car it's easier to put them back into pull-ups or a nappy in my experience though you may not want to do that of course. And there would be two of you to entertain her on the train.

I agree with you for not wanting to go btw, just wondering why the train/car split.

Also, why doesn't he take her up to see his parents one weekend on his own so you could catch up on work? (Or sleep...) DD would see her grandparents, OH and DD would have some bonding time, you'd get a breather.

OP's husband is working away from home so he will be getting the train directly from where he is working on the Friday and she would need to drive up from home to meet him there.

notanewuser

valk_scot wrote: »

Why would you drive and he get the train? Why couldn't you all get the train? (If you were going, that is.) It's much easier to deal with potty training toddlers on a train with a handy loo, in the car it's easier to put them back into pull-ups or a nappy in my experience though you may not want to do that of course. And there would be two of you to entertain her on the train.

I agree with you for not wanting to go btw, just wondering why the train/car split.

I'm in South Wales. He's in London. His family are spread across Yorkshire.

It's around 280 miles for me to drive direct to the hotel we'd stay at. DH can get a train direct from London on Friday night instead of coming back here. He'd arrive back at 10pm on Friday night if he got the train back here - I'll be far too knackered to drive 300 miles then.

valk_scot wrote: »

Also, why doesn't he take her up to see his parents one weekend on his own so you could catch up on work? (Or sleep...) DD would see her grandparents, OH and DD would have some bonding time, you'd get a breather.

He had DD on his own for 8 hours while I worked the other weekend. He took her out (I got her dressed and gave her breakfast while he showered and gave him snacks and drinks to take). They went out at 11am and came back at 5pm. By 6pm her behaviour was atrocious - I'd never ever seen her like that. She was wild. I thought he must have given her something really dodgy to eat. Nope. He'd given her a small chocolate bar in the afternoon. That was it. He didn't give her any proper food all day long. I sent him to the chippy with a flea in his ear and she literally fell on her fish and chips. Poor little mite was starving.

So I'm afraid I can't trust him to take her there for a whole weekend. He just doesn't think about what she needs. She's very adaptable and loves his family, but not feeding her all day? :eek::eek:

Molly41

notanewuser wrote: »

She's quite used to it because its how all trips are done. Difference is that usually he is there to entertain her so that I can concentrate on driving. As he's away I have to do the entertaining and the driving, on top of being tired from being alone all week.

Will be doing it in a couple of weeks for the first time. What I actually said to DH was that I couldn't commit to going up there until I've seen how it works for just DD and I to be in the car, especially as she's potty training. And that i hadn't planned doing anything in September because of other things going on. Then when he suggested leaving DD with his parents and I said no, it kicked off. He's now in a major sulk.

Really i do think you husband is being unreasonable and not very supportive. If it were me I would be saying no and sticking to it and also pulling him up sharply about his lack of insight into your situation during the week!

But I always put a nappy on my 4 kids when we were potty training and in the car for a long journey. They rarely used it but you cannot always stop safely and urgently as is the case when they are learning!

poet123

notanewuser wrote: »

I'm in South Wales. He's in London. His family are spread across Yorkshire.

It's around 280 miles for me to drive direct to the hotel we'd stay at. DH can get a train direct from London on Friday night instead of coming back here. He'd arrive back at 10pm on Friday night if he got the train back here - I'll be far too knackered to drive 300 miles then.



He had DD on his own for 8 hours while I worked the other weekend. He took her out (I got her dressed and gave her breakfast while he showered and gave him snacks and drinks to take). They went out at 11am and came back at 5pm. By 6pm her behaviour was atrocious - I'd never ever seen her like that. She was wild. I thought he must have given her something really dodgy to eat. Nope. He'd given her a small chocolate bar in the afternoon. That was it. He didn't give her any proper food all day long. I sent him to the chippy with a flea in his ear and she literally fell on her fish and chips. Poor little mite was starving.

So I'm afraid I can't trust him to take her there for a whole weekend. He just doesn't think about what she needs. She's very adaptable and loves his family, but not feeding her all day? :eek::eek:

I am afraid that would be the issue I was addressing.

Did he eat during the day?

Really, you should be able to trust your DH with your child.

paulineb_2

notanewuser wrote: »

I'm in South Wales. He's in London. His family are spread across Yorkshire.

It's around 280 miles for me to drive direct to the hotel we'd stay at. DH can get a train direct from London on Friday night instead of coming back here. He'd arrive back at 10pm on Friday night if he got the train back here - I'll be far too knackered to drive 300 miles then.



He had DD on his own for 8 hours while I worked the other weekend. He took her out (I got her dressed and gave her breakfast while he showered and gave him snacks and drinks to take). They went out at 11am and came back at 5pm. By 6pm her behaviour was atrocious - I'd never ever seen her like that. She was wild. I thought he must have given her something really dodgy to eat. Nope. He'd given her a small chocolate bar in the afternoon. That was it. He didn't give her any proper food all day long. I sent him to the chippy with a flea in his ear and she literally fell on her fish and chips. Poor little mite was starving.

So I'm afraid I can't trust him to take her there for a whole weekend. He just doesn't think about what she needs. She's very adaptable and loves his family, but not feeding her all day? :eek::eek:

So why didnt he give her the snacks

Are you saying that your husband doesnt know how to parent his kid?

What age is he and how much day to day input does he have with her?

tea_lover

notanewuser wrote: »

He'd given her a small chocolate bar in the afternoon. That was it. He didn't give her any proper food all day long. I sent him to the chippy with a flea in his ear and she literally fell on her fish and chips. Poor little mite was starving.

:eek::eek::eek:

BugglyB

Wow. Your issues with your husband go way beyond his family. I'm a complete stranger and I would have taken better care of your daughter than that.