Issues with DH (again)

Errata

notanewuser wrote: »

I have never had to worry about thinning/losing hair. Perhaps that makes me lucky, I don't know. I don't believe that the first morning that you discovered you were losing hair your first thought was "oh well, there are children dying in Africa, no cure for cancer, and national debt is enormous, so I shan't worry about this". I barely slept last night for thoughts that I might wake up bald.

I'm sure in a few weeks I'll be calmer about it, but right now I am SCARED that this is happening and why it might be happening.

Tbh my first thought the morning I woke up and discovered more hair on the bed than I had on my head was "Looks like the chemo's working!". and if all you ever have in you life to be 'devastated' by is a bit of hair loss, you will be a very fortunate woman.

Person_one

Errata wrote: »

Tbh my first thought the morning I woke up and discovered more hair on the bed than I had on my head was "Looks like the chemo's working!". and if all you ever have in you life to be 'devastated' by is a bit of hair loss, you will be a very fortunate woman.

Somebody out there could say you were lucky and have no right to complain because you had access to chemo at all, and didn't have to go bankrupt to pay for it.

There's always somebody worse off, always, which is why its ridiculous to turn it into a competition. People are allowed to be upset about things that are upsetting, and its not polite or kind to scold them for it like a child who won't eat their greens.

coolcait

On the topic of hair loss in women.

Two of my female relative have suffered sudden hair loss when they were young.

One had cancer, and was receiving chemotherapy.

The other was completely healthy.

I think that the latter was more affected by the hair loss. And I can understand why.

The girl who had cancer knew that she would lose her hair - unless she was one of the very few who didn't experience that side-effect of chemo. She knew that the chemo was necessary if she were to have half a chance of surviving. And she had immediate access to support of all types - for example, the practical support of access to hairpieces; and the emotional support provided by the fabulous Macmillan nurses and the rest of the team treating her.

The other girl woke up one morning with bald patches, and had to deal with it alone.

If we're going to go down the route of "you don't know how lucky you are", that's another side of the coin.

FBaby

Stress can be caused there is too much going on in one's life or...it can be self inflicted by doing too much volontarily even if unaware (often because by seeming stressed is the only way one might get some attention), or because of one is a perfectionist leading them to do more than necessary.

In these two instances, it can be very difficult for a partner to cope because the stressed person expect a solution from them rather than themselves.

I don't know whether this could be the case for OP. I am slightly with Princessdon in that on paper, OP's life doesn't seem that stressful, but unless we are there to see, it is impossible to know.

Saying that, if indeed the issue was that OP's hubby believes that OP does more than she needs to do, or worry about issues that don't deserve worrying about, then I can see how he would feel under massive pressure.

When one is stressed yet isn't experiencing any particularly difficult events in their lives, it is worth assessing whether it could be do to how they deal with things, and need to learn to adjust their lives and what they do in line with what they are able to cope with rather than automatically expecting others to make their lives easier.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

Errata wrote: »

Tbh my first thought the morning I woke up and discovered more hair on the bed than I had on my head was "Looks like the chemo's working!". and if all you ever have in you life to be 'devastated' by is a bit of hair loss, you will be a very fortunate woman.

And if you weren't at the time on chemo, I'd expect you to be more than a little shocked at the loss of hair. I think most people would be devastated at the loss of a significant amount of hair and concerned until they found out what is causing it.

notanewuser

She's not 3 yet!!!

I didn't find it an easy decision to become a parent. It took me many years to decide to do it. Those years were spent furthering my career in a demanding and stressful job. I didn't struggle with that. Being with a baby and then a toddler full time is very very different to that. You don't get holidays, you can't phone in sick. You don't finish projects and move into another - it's constant, 24/7, try to squeeze in what you can when you can work.

I love her to the moon and back, and feel very privileged to be able to spend this time with her. But that doesn't mean I can or should find it easy. Please don't tell me it "shouldn't be stressful" - its not a competition.

notanewuser

LannieDuck wrote: »

OP, after you and your OH had that conversation a couple of weeks ago where you found that you were both struggling, did you come up with any ways of addressing it?

Is he going to look for contracts closer to home / shorter in length / commit to taking DD out for one day a weekend when she's home etc?

(I seem to remember you were going to do more as a family together, but was that as far as you got?)

The contract thing is an unknown. This one should be over at the end of September and there's every chance that he'll be working from home after that. Plus we have our holiday which should hopefully be a complete break for all of us.

DH is very excited about having DD to himself on Sayurdays for the next couple of weekends, and is planning things to do with her. And I'm looking forward to some clear work time as I've quite a lot to do.

DD and I are going to London for a week to stay with DH. So that should be good too as we can do things together in the evenings.

I'm feeling much more positive about all of that now.

notanewuser

paulineb wrote: »

Perhaps some of the responses on this thread have made you think about stuff you've needed to confront

Plus its clear from other threads youve been under stress for some time.

Something needs to give, it must be really upsetting about the hair but your body is sending out a signal that its under stress and as previous posters have said, something needs to change.

And yes, see your GP asap
Consult your doctor to find the cause of your telogen effluvium. While stressful experiences are a major cause, other causes include an iron or zinc deficiency, an excess of vitamin A, a thyroid imbalance, and prescription medications such as beta blockers, calcium channel blockers, and antidepressants.

• Hair loss due to telogen effluvium typically occurs in sudden and diffuse patterns. Determining whether telogen effluvium is, in fact, the cause of your hair loss is done by taking a skin sample (biopsy) from your scalp. The sample is examined under a microscope to determine the state of your hair follicles.
• If your doctor determines you're suffering from a mineral deficiency, you can take supplements. If your hair loss is caused by your prescription medication, he or she can prescribe a different drug without that side effect.

Thank you. I don't take any prescription meds.

My digestion has been a bit iffy for the past few weeks, so perhaps my body isn't absorbing nutrients as it should. I'm vegetarian, so iron could easily be an issue. As could thyroid I suppose. I'll get an appointment with the GP and ask for some tests to be done.

CH27

notanewuser wrote: »

The contract thing is an unknown. This one should be over at the end of September and there's every chance that he'll be working from home after that. Plus we have our holiday which should hopefully be a complete break for all of us.

DH is very excited about having DD to himself on Sayurdays for the next couple of weekends, and is planning things to do with her. And I'm looking forward to some clear work time as I've quite a lot to do.

DD and I are going to London for a week to stay with DH. So that should be good too as we can do things together in the evenings.

I'm feeling much more positive about all of that now.

Good!

Have you considered DD going to nursery for a full day so you can have a decent amount of time free to either work or just relax?

notanewuser

CH27 wrote: »

Good!

Have you considered DD going to nursery for a full day so you can have a decent amount of time free to either work or just relax?

Sadly her playgroup is only mornings, but my mum and dad pick her up one day so I will get a day once they go back in September, albeit that I have to leave the house.