Issues with DH (again)

LannieDuck

notanewuser wrote: »

So we talked. And talked. And talked some more. (I'm shattered!)

Long and the short of it is that DH hates being away. He doesn't ring or skype because it reminds him of what he's missing. He's "bigging up" the benefits of being away in the hope that he'll believe it. He didn't realise how hard I found it. He wishes he could be here with DD, and finds any suggestion that it's not always the idyllic situation he imagines hard to believe.

It's not long before DD is back at playgroup, and I'm going to make an effort to take advantage and have some "me time" on at least one of those mornings. He wasn't keen on taking DD out on his own every weekend, as he thought it would make him feel like a "weekend dad", which doesn't help his state of mind. But he's more than happy to do things with DD locally - walks, bike rides, picnics, going to the park, watching DVDs in bed on rainy days, pitching a tent in the garden etc. That should free me up to go out/be elsewhere doing my own thing.

Feeling much more positive now. We've had lots of family fun this weekend again, and seeing DD's face when daddy came out with us etc was priceless.

That sounds like brilliant progress. Even if you don't have any practical solutions, just knowing that the other person isn't 'living it up' without you should help enormously. Well done :T

notanewuser

I have always had a very thick glossy head of hair.

I woke up this morning and discovered 3 patches of (what I assume to be stress-induced) alopecia. I'm so upset and worried that it is going to get worse/be permanent.

Toto

My husband works away, all the time these days it feels. He is home for a week or so every few months. It's hard on both of us. He tours the world so we have time zone issues to deal with too. We both find that a daily chat helps, it might be a 2 minute phone conversation, it might be several hours on Skype. He gets to see the kids, especially the little one who is 4 and has known nothing other than daddy coming and going. He feels in touch with home, like he's still a part of the day to day, and I get to share the crap, the funny, the annoying the nothing in particular that's happened that day.

I'm not saying you should do what we do, but if your husband is struggling maybe more contact with home is exactly what he needs rather than avoiding it.

I really feel for you. I don't know what to say about the hair problem, I think perhaps though you should see it as a sign that something has to change long term to ease your stress levels.

Is there a way that he could get a job locally rather than contract?

ailuro2

So, you've talked - what has changed, apart from talking? You're going to get a couple of hours to yourself each week?

when you say you're doing the paperwork for the company and working on projects of your own, do you mean you're doing hubby's paperwork for him? If so, I'd get him to do it himself, since he's only working 7 hours a day.

I'd also offer to plan a visit to Centre Parcs / Butlins where all the family can meet up but you don't have to cook for the whole squad and can live in your own accommodation.

I'd also be telling hubby that I'd be going on half as many of his family visits as he does - it's his family, he can go and take DD with him, since he's told you he really misses being with her ( yes, OK, so I suspect that might be a little bit of a line to placate you, I think you should test it. Your DD is nearly three, give hubby a timetable of when shee eats and tell him to man up and get on with it, basically)

Sometimes you have to force blokes who have had a sahm into seeing that real men don't sit back and leave it to the women to run the family.:)

Good Luck - I wish my DD was nearly three again, she was a delight, we have some lovely memories. ( She's 14 now, and has gone from thinking Mum know it all to knowing that she does, :eek:)

dibuzz

valk_scot wrote: »

9 pm for a not quite three year old? What time is she getting up in the morning? When mine were that age they needed 12 hours of sleep a day, 7pm to 7am.

Kids are all different though, my youngest needed very little sleep.
At almost 3 he would have gone to bed at 10 and been up any time between 2 and 3 (and that was on a good night)
None of mine have slept for 12 hours until they were teenagers.

OP, I'm glad you've had a talk. Good luck sorting things out.

FBaby

Sometimes you have to force blokes who have had a sahm into seeing that real men don't sit back and leave it to the women to run the family

This is so one sided, it is not surprise some of those blokes end up looking somewhere else. Being exhausted, feeling neglected etc... is not the exclusivity of sahm only, especially when they only have one child and that child does some hours at nursery. I am not saying that OP doesn't find it hard, but that doesn't mean that her OH doesn't feel exhausted and neglected too. Trying to convince the other that theirs is worse and therefore they deserve more sympathy and adjustments is not the way to deal with issues within the relationship.

Real women discuss things and come to compromises, don't just have a tantrum and force their OH in whichever way to do things their way.

FBaby

OP, I hope your hair issue is nothing to worry about. Has it happened before?

notanewuser

FBaby wrote: »

OP, I hope your hair issue is nothing to worry about. Has it happened before?

Never.

FBaby

Poor you. I would go to your GP and ask for a referral to the dermatology service now. It is most likely nothing to worry about, but clearly the more you do worry about it, the more likely to make it worse, so better to seek medical advice.

CH27

notanewuser wrote: »

I have always had a very thick glossy head of hair.

I woke up this morning and discovered 3 patches of (what I assume to be stress-induced) alopecia. I'm so upset and worried that it is going to get worse/be permanent.

Oh no! Go to your GP & get some help.