Issues with DH (again)

Person_one

Molly41 wrote: »

Im not a cow and have every empathy as I myself have lost hair over the years due to the medication I take for my ongoing health problems. Oh get a grip - there is so much more to life. Life itself!

I'm guessing you only ever get upset when people die then, well, if they're not old anyway.

CH27

Molly41 wrote: »

Im not a cow and really appreciate your comment - very constructive! and have every empathy as I myself have lost hair over the years due to the medication I take for my ongoing health problems. Oh get a grip - there is so much more to life. Life itself!

Well I certainly wouldn't like to see you being unsympathetic!

Molly41

Get some perspective - you know nothing about my life and what I have to face. Hair loss was one of those things but a good hairdresser did wonders for me and it does tend to grow back !

Anyway Im outta here because I post one inflammatory remark after years of posting helpful ones. That is MSE for you!

Errata

I'm sure you do feel devastated that some of your hair has gone AWOL, Perhaps you're having a highly emotional response to that as a proxy for emotional response about the way your OH is behaving.
The remedy is in your hands, sort your OH out.

LannieDuck

OP, after you and your OH had that conversation a couple of weeks ago where you found that you were both struggling, did you come up with any ways of addressing it?

Is he going to look for contracts closer to home / shorter in length / commit to taking DD out for one day a weekend when she's home etc?

(I seem to remember you were going to do more as a family together, but was that as far as you got?)

princessdon

OP don't answer on here, but there has to be more. You have 1 child (9 hrs pw TT care), plus your parents and work flexibly from home. Traditionally that isn't stressful (as you say many do, single parents do it all). You are strong and in dependant.

I asked earlier what is different this time, you need to look at that. It's not normal to lose hair because you have a 3 year old on your own with no finance or work stresses (by work I mean up at 6am to take to nursery with full housework and bonding once picked up at 6pm). Work out what makes this different as I don't think hair drops out from a 3 year old, it's where you need to concentrate.

paulineb_2

Perhaps some of the responses on this thread have made you think about stuff you've needed to confront

Plus its clear from other threads youve been under stress for some time.

Something needs to give, it must be really upsetting about the hair but your body is sending out a signal that its under stress and as previous posters have said, something needs to change.

And yes, see your GP asap
Consult your doctor to find the cause of your telogen effluvium. While stressful experiences are a major cause, other causes include an iron or zinc deficiency, an excess of vitamin A, a thyroid imbalance, and prescription medications such as beta blockers, calcium channel blockers, and antidepressants.

• Hair loss due to telogen effluvium typically occurs in sudden and diffuse patterns. Determining whether telogen effluvium is, in fact, the cause of your hair loss is done by taking a skin sample (biopsy) from your scalp. The sample is examined under a microscope to determine the state of your hair follicles.
• If your doctor determines you're suffering from a mineral deficiency, you can take supplements. If your hair loss is caused by your prescription medication, he or she can prescribe a different drug without that side effect.

jellyhead

notanewuser wrote: »

He would be coming after work on Friday, so wouldn't arrive until around 10pm. They're hitting the pubs at 11am the next morning and planning on going to a club that closes at 4/5am on Sunday morning. DD and I would need to leave around lunchtime if travelling back in the daytime - I doubt DH will even be conscious by then. If we leave later, DD could sleep in the car, but I'll be tired and will have spent 2 days travelling 500 miles for Sunday lunch. I'm just not prepared to do it. I'm not going to suggest he shouldn't, so I don't understand his problem with it.

Sorry I haven't read the rest of the thread before replying, but is that the reason why he wants you to go, so you can drive him home while he's hungover? Or would he be getting a train regardless? Can you get a train?

notanewuser

Molly41 wrote: »

Get some perspective - you know nothing about my life and what I have to face. Hair loss was one of those things but a good hairdresser did wonders for me and it does tend to grow back !

Anyway Im outta here because I post one inflammatory remark after years of posting helpful ones. That is MSE for you!

Here is some perspective.

I found these bald spots YESTERDAY morning while staying at somebody else's house, hundreds of miles from home. I have never lost hair before - not during stressful exams, pregnancy/post pregnancy. I haven't noticed it falling out, and I had my hair cut 4 weeks ago and there was nothing amiss then.

I have never had to worry about thinning/losing hair. Perhaps that makes me lucky, I don't know. I don't believe that the first morning that you discovered you were losing hair your first thought was "oh well, there are children dying in Africa, no cure for cancer, and national debt is enormous, so I shan't worry about this". I barely slept last night for thoughts that I might wake up bald.

I'm sure in a few weeks I'll be calmer about it, but right now I am SCARED that this is happening and why it might be happening.

HPoirot

We can all feel fragile at different points of our lives, and the causes would be different for each of us. I reckon that trying to fit your life and work commitments around a three year old who is constantly on the move is not ideal, especially if those work commitments relate to your OH who is also making unreasonable demands on your time and energy at weekends when you are meant to enjoy some relaxing family time. There does not seem to be any self-fulfilment in this for the OP.

The key might be to address situations you are not happy with while also factoring in some form of independence - be it through a project of your own or whatever gives you a few hours away from the demands of DD and OH. You might not feel as overwhelmed by your current situation.

As for the hair loss, try not to worry too much about it, both my GP and hairdresser told me it was a very common occurrence for stressed out individuals and by no means irreversible. Good luck with it.