Issues with DH (again)

HPoirot

Hi OP, I've been lurking on this board for a while now and have seen some excellent advice throughout. Had to sign in when I saw your post, I had clumps of hair fall out last year during a very stressful period. We had to care for OH's brother who was having seizures and was diagnosed with a brain tumour - thankfully that turned out to be benign and he's recovered from surgery now - and OH and I were having issues of our own.
I would suggest that localized hair loss is mostly stress-induced. I was given steroid creams to apply to the area and also kept up the treatment with tgel shampoo.. In all I think it took up to three months to fully grow back. After the few initial weeks I ended up not caring whether I went out with a bald patch on my head.. like you I have long hair.
Hope that helps.

ailuro2

FBaby wrote: »

This is so one sided, it is not surprise some of those blokes end up looking somewhere else. Being exhausted, feeling neglected etc... is not the exclusivity of sahm only, especially when they only have one child and that child does some hours at nursery. I am not saying that OP doesn't find it hard, but that doesn't mean that her OH doesn't feel exhausted and neglected too. Trying to convince the other that theirs is worse and therefore they deserve more sympathy and adjustments is not the way to deal with issues within the relationship.

Real women discuss things and come to compromises, don't just have a tantrum and force their OH in whichever way to do things their way.

What I mean was men who were brought up by a mother who stayed at home and ran the house while dad went out and brought home the bacon. Because they have not lived in a family unit where dad did chores/ toilet trained the kids/ cooked tea/ went shopping sometimes it doesn't occur to them that these things don't just happen by magic.

OP is not just a sahm she is working too.

Person_one

FBaby wrote: »

This is so one sided, it is not surprise some of those blokes end up looking somewhere else.

I can't believe you actually wrote that.

OP, I second the advice to go to the doctor. It may be the stress, but you still need to get it checked out just in case it isn't, and maybe your GP can offer some other help.

FBaby

All these threads about men being abusive and how unacceptable it is yet it is ok to advise that some blokes need to be forced. No one should ever be forced to do anything.

poet123

FBaby wrote: »

All these threads about men being abusive and how unacceptable it is yet it is ok to advise that some blokes need to be forced. No one should ever be forced to do anything.

Even if the alternative is that the woman reaches the end of her tether and walks out? Nor do I think that having a wife say this or that she is exhausted from sole care gives a man a license to roam.

That said, the OP has realised that being away from home and family is not as glamorous or life enhancing as she perceived it. And to be frank, one child in nursery and working from home, therefore with no time constraints in the day time, or chores that just have to be done at x time is not that onerous all the time. Yes, there will be days, but if the picture is so bleak then I think a bit of time management is needed.

Anyway, it seems as if the talking has helped both sides see the other perspective to a greater or lesser degree, and that can be built on from here.

notanewuser

poet123 wrote: »

Even if the alternative is that the woman reaches the end of her tether and walks out? Nor do I think that having a wife say this or that she is exhausted from sole care gives a man a license to roam.

That said, the OP has realised that being away from home and family is not as glamorous or life enhancing as she perceived it. And to be frank, one child in nursery and working from home, therefore with no time constraints in the day time, or chores that just have to be done at x time is not that onerous all the time. Yes, there will be days, but if the picture is so bleak then I think a bit of time management is needed.

Anyway, it seems as if the talking has helped both sides see the other perspective to a greater or lesser degree, and that can be built on from here.

Just a couple of points. My DD is not "in nursery". She goes to a play group for 3 hours 3 days a week during term time. That gives me chance to do things that are easier without get around, like getting cars serviced and quoted for building work, meetings with the accountant and any consultancy calls that need making. I don't have that during school holidays. DH started this stint of working away the week before she finished playgroup for the summer. She rarely naps and is full on from waking till bedtime.

I do my consultancy work, banking, company admin etc after she's gone to bed. I can't remember the last time I watched a film in one go (took me 4 nights last week to watch 1, and that was only because I was ironing!).

I'm sure others work a million hours more a week, and have broods of children into double figures and happily swing through life, but this situation is/has really affected me. My current devastating, heartbreaking, sleep-preventing hairloss is evidence of that.

Molly41

Im sorry but a child losing her mother or father is "heart breaking" and "devastating". Hair loss is unfortunate but it will hopefully get better!

Person_one

Molly41 wrote: »

Im sorry but a child losing her mother or father is "heart breaking" and "devastating". Hair loss is unfortunate but it will hopefully get better!

That's so unkind, was there any need for that, really?

I think most women would be pretty upset if they woke up one morning with clumps of hair falling out, and they're allowed to be!

CH27

Molly41 wrote: »

Im sorry but a child losing her mother or father is "heart breaking" and "devastating". Hair loss is unfortunate but it will hopefully get better!

Is there any need to be such a cow? Have some empathy.
I would be devastated if I started to lose my hair.

Molly41

Im not a cow and really appreciate your comment - very constructive! and have every empathy as I myself have lost hair over the years due to the medication I take for my ongoing health problems. Oh get a grip - there is so much more to life. Life itself!