Issues with DH (again)

Dunroamin

notanewuser wrote: »

She's not 3 yet, and I don't like the idea of her waking in the night with neither of us there. She couldn't only stay there for the evening because DH will be out till the wee hours partying with his brother!



The problem was that having discussed it months and months in advance, they had agreed to stay in a hotel. Even as the due date approached they were talking about it to DH. At no point did they tell either of us that they weren't happy about it. It was a shock, having not slept for more than an hour a night for a week, having gone through a difficult (forceps) delivery that left me in a lot of pain and having daily injections, and trying to establish breastfeeding etc for them to turn the tables like that. I wasn't physically or mentally capable of having anybody else in my home. I know that this put DH in a difficult position, but he had a poorly wife and new baby to think about.

My darling grandmother, at 84, came down on the train with my aunt and they stayed in a hotel, visiting us with my mum for no more than 1.5 hours a day. My mum and dad have spare rooms, but no, they didn't want to put anybody out.



FIL meant it. Girls are second class citizens in their family.



She's been skyping since she was tiny - my parents were living abroad too. I could understand if they couldn't see the point, but they suggest it, we set the laptop up ready, and then nothing.



No reason he couldn't take her up there himself (apart from logistics at the moment). As for staying with his parents, there's nowhere for either of them to sleep, for one. She'd be very upset if she woke in the night and neither of us were there. Much as she's happy visiting her grandparents, staying over is a completely different proposition.



She's not 3 yet. She was playing with her friends and food would have been the last thing she thought of while having so much fun. That's why he needed to be the adult and think of that for her.

He brought her back earlier than planned and it was then down to me to stop what I was doing to tell him how to sort out the problem. I don't know what stopped him from thinking "it's dinner time, what shall I feed DD?".




I don't get in the way when we're up there. I'm there to chauffer about so that DH can have beer etc with his brothers and DD can see all of her cousins. It's not unheard of for me to clock up 1000 miles in one visit to them.

Which is, presumably, why he's insisting that you go with him.

CH27

notanewuser wrote: »

I am happy to change, but I need to know what and why.

It seems that you just want life to be your way.

I don't understand why you & your DD don't speak to your OH every day.
I don't understand why you don't trust him to look after her.
You seem so unhappy in the threads you start but it's like groundhog day each time.

Dunroamin

notanewuser wrote: »

I'd like our family time together to feel like quality time. I'd like to have a social life outside of DD's. I'd like to be able to leave DD with DH and know that he won't forget to feed her and would actually interact with her rather than lying on the sofa playing games on his phone. I'd like to feel like it's a team effort.

It's interesting (and worrying) that you don't want to spend more time with your husband.

notanewuser

Dunroamin wrote: »

It's interesting (and worrying) that you don't want to spend more time with your husband.

Is it? We spend every minute of him being home (pretty much) together. When he works from home that's a minimum of 20 hours a day! Spending more time together would involve him working less, which isn't practical.

When I said I'd like a social life outside of DD's that included him.

Errata

notanewuser wrote: »

No, he doesn't. If she asks to speak to him I ring him for her. I don't think her "I did a massive poo, daddy" phonecalls got the reaction she wanted!

Why doesn't he ring her every night to say 'night night, x more sleeps and I'll be home and we can ...........' or 'tell me what you've been doing today' or just chat for a couple of minutes about anything? Poo included!

Dunroamin

notanewuser wrote: »

Is it? We spend every minute of him being home (pretty much) together. When he works from home that's a minimum of 20 hours a day! Spending more time together would involve him working less, which isn't practical.

When I said I'd like a social life outside of DD's that included him.

I meant on your own together as a couple, not as a family, although I did assume that the social life thing was with friends and not him.

notanewuser

CH27 wrote: »

It seems that you just want life to be your way.

I don't understand why you & your DD don't speak to your OH every day.
I don't understand why you don't trust him to look after her.
You seem so unhappy in the threads you start but it's like groundhog day each time.

We've never talked to each other every day when apart. I don't think that's particularly odd.

I lived on my own for 6 years before meeting DH, and then we had a LDR so only saw each other at weekends. I'm perfectly comfortable on my own, as is he.

I trust him to look after DD - in so far as she won't come to harm when she's with him. However, he doesn't often make the best of the time with her. He'll lie on the sofa with his phone and stick the telly on for her rather than play a game or do a puzzle or go to the park etc. I suppose it's him who really misses out with that, but I feel I have to try and persuade him for DD's sake. I guess he probably sees that as nagging.

I don't think it's groundhog day. When people suggested we do something as a family during trips up north I listened and we did it. And you were all right about that. I do take things on board, but i suppose we all revert to type sometimes.

notanewuser

Errata wrote: »

Why doesn't he ring her every night to say 'night night, x more sleeps and I'll be home and we can ...........' or 'tell me what you've been doing today' or just chat for a couple of minutes about anything? Poo included!

I don't know. The first week he was away I got him to skype DD one night. But he hasn't done it since.

notanewuser

Dunroamin wrote: »

I meant on your own together as a couple, not as a family, although I did assume that the social life thing was with friends and not him.

Oh right. I meant both. Sorry if that wasn't clear.

paulineb_2

notanewuser wrote: »

We've never talked to each other every day when apart. I don't think that's particularly odd.

I lived on my own for 6 years before meeting DH, and then we had a LDR so only saw each other at weekends. I'm perfectly comfortable on my own, as is he.

I trust him to look after DD - in so far as she won't come to harm when she's with him. However, he doesn't often make the best of the time with her. He'll lie on the sofa with his phone and stick the telly on for her rather than play a game or do a puzzle or go to the park etc. I suppose it's him who really misses out with that, but I feel I have to try and persuade him for DD's sake. I guess he probably sees that as nagging.

I don't think it's groundhog day. When people suggested we do something as a family during trips up north I listened and we did it. And you were all right about that. I do take things on board, but i suppose we all revert to type sometimes.

Too comfortable maybe and yes it sounds like hes missing out, maybe you need to point that out to him

I absolutely agree, you dont need to be on the phone 24/7, but somethings not right as Im sure you know

How long have you been married?