Issues with DH (again)

notanewuser

paulineb wrote: »

If there were an outcome to all of this that you wanted, what would it be?

And how do you think you'll get there.

I'd like our family time together to feel like quality time. I'd like to have a social life outside of DD's. I'd like to be able to leave DD with DH and know that he won't forget to feed her and would actually interact with her rather than lying on the sofa playing games on his phone. I'd like to feel like it's a team effort.

princessdon

notanewuser wrote: »

I'd like our family time together to feel like quality time. I'd like to have a social life outside of DD's. I'd like to be able to leave DD with DH and know that he won't forget to feed her and would actually interact with her rather than lying on the sofa playing games on his phone. I'd like to feel like it's a team effort.

You'd have to be prepared to let go and let him make mistakes - are you?

notanewuser

princessdon wrote: »

You'd have to be prepared to let go and let him make mistakes - are you?

Absolutely.

paulineb_2

notanewuser wrote: »

Very good. He was contracting before I met him and has continued to since. I was (and am) happy to pause my career for DD. My mother was a career woman and wasn't around for me or my sister. I want different for DD. Financially it wasn't an issue. If DH wanted to take a local job and lost 70% of his income it wouldn't matter. I'd support him in that.

There was nothing sarcastic in what I was saying. And to be fair, how on earth was I supposed to know that your husband was contracting before you met him?

I wasnt suggesting in the slightest that you wouldnt support him if he came home and was earning less.

My point was, his contracting (and Im aware they probably get paid very well due to the nature of the work, ie you can be unemployed for periods), isnt making you happy is it?

Neither of you are happy. And thats despite you being a stay at home mum which you want to be.

Bottom line is, you can go on as you like for the next 25 years, thats entirely up to you, but Im sure you want a happy life, not just for yourself, but your child as well.

paulineb_2

notanewuser wrote: »

I'd like our family time together to feel like quality time. I'd like to have a social life outside of DD's. I'd like to be able to leave DD with DH and know that he won't forget to feed her and would actually interact with her rather than lying on the sofa playing games on his phone. I'd like to feel like it's a team effort.

Well, you need to discuss all of that with your husband

If you cant do it face to face, say it in an email, sometimes its easier to take in without the emotion of a conversation that could end up heated

CH27

Thing is you want things to change but don't seem prepared to change yourself.

All this isn't just your OH's fault. It's taken both of you to reach this situation & will take both of you to change it.

notanewuser

paulineb wrote: »

There was nothing sarcastic in what I was saying. And to be fair, how on earth was I supposed to know that your husband was contracting before you met him?

I think you've misread me. I didn't take your post as being sarcastic, nor did I expect you to know he'd always contracted.

paulineb wrote: »

I wasnt suggesting in the slightest that you wouldnt support him if he came home and was earning less.

My point was, his contracting (and Im aware they probably get paid very well due to the nature of the work, ie you can be unemployed for periods), isnt making you happy is it?

He's never been unemployed. Before DD he'd take 2 weeks off per year maximum. He's much better about taking days off now.

I've never had an issue with the contracting. I don't mind him being away (he gets under my feet when he's here all the time!). The problem is that when he comes back it's not quality time that DD and I get.

paulineb wrote: »

Neither of you are happy. And thats despite you being a stay at home mum which you want to be.

Bottom line is, you can go on as you like for the next 25 years, thats entirely up to you, but Im sure you want a happy life, not just for yourself, but your child as well.

I want us all to be happy.

notanewuser

CH27 wrote: »

Thing is you want things to change but don't seem prepared to change yourself.

All this isn't just your OH's fault. It's taken both of you to reach this situation & will take both of you to change it.

I am happy to change, but I need to know what and why.

Errata

notanewuser wrote: »

DD goes to bed around 9pm. I then have about 3 hours free to work. DH goes to bed at about 10:30pm. We generally only ring if we need something.

Does that mean he doesn't talk to his daughter on the phone every night?

notanewuser

Errata wrote: »

Does that mean he doesn't talk to his daughter on the phone every night?

No, he doesn't. If she asks to speak to him I ring him for her. I don't think her "I did a massive poo, daddy" phonecalls got the reaction she wanted!