Issues with DH (again)

FBaby

I can sympathise with all what you say, but I can also see how your OH and his family could consider all these excuses and that the difference in interpretation of what is best for your daughter could lead to misunderstandings and resentment.

Does your OH also believe that your daughter would be likely to wake up in the night and be terrified that you and he are not there? That even if this did happen, couldn't he be back to the house in less than 10 minutes to comfort her? I'm just playing devils advocate to consider how your OH could think that you are unreasonable. This could be totally wrong (or he could be wrong), but sometimes it helps to look at the other side of the argument to understand why someone we love seem to see the same situation so dramatically opposite from ourselves.

notanewuser

FBaby wrote: »

I can sympathise with all what you say, but I can also see how your OH and his family could consider all these excuses and that the difference in interpretation of what is best for your daughter could lead to misunderstandings and resentment.

Does your OH also believe that your daughter would be likely to wake up in the night and be terrified that you and he are not there? That even if this did happen, couldn't he be back to the house in less than 10 minutes to comfort her? I'm just playing devils advocate to consider how your OH could think that you are unreasonable. This could be totally wrong (or he could be wrong), but sometimes it helps to look at the other side of the argument to understand why someone we love seem to see the same situation so dramatically opposite from ourselves.

Yes, DH is concerned about her waking and neither of us being there. It's happening fairly regularly at the member because she's adjusting to daddy not being here, not being at playgroup and potty training etc.

I don't think it's possible to get from Leeds to Sheffield in 10 mins without a helicopter........

sassyblue

notanewuser wrote: »

Just asked whether he thinks the issues are caused by the stresses of life or not.

His reply: Seriously? You think your life is stressful?!

Oh !!!!!!, what's stressful about going about your working day without having a toddler in tow?

Your husband is being an ar5e OP, mine was just like this until l had a Reality check and made him do more around the house including childcare, he's not perfect and he doesn't work away but it's better than it was.

I've promised him the next time he starts taking the mick I'm going on holiday for a week leaving him to deal with everything that l do - and go to work like l do too without complaint or thanks.

notanewuser

poet123 wrote: »

Sightly different then, but long term would you prefer that or prefer being in your own home. Being a full time guest can, I imagine, get a bit wearing.

Confrontations rarely work with men imo. You have to try to remove the emotion and treat the negotiations like a business meeting. What you have said above would to him be critical and like saying he has it easy (you might think that but it is counter productive to be blunt) He could no doubt construct a scenario for your day which you would not agree with either.

You are a stay at home mum? He may have personal memories of that which bear no relation to what is entailed. He may think your job is part time and done from home so not stressful or time consuming. Incorrect probably but unless you sit down and really talk and listen to each other then neither of you will see the wood for the trees.

I do think that many times we make a rod for our own backs by second guessing men and their care of children. If they can forge a career and get through the day they can if allowed look after a child. Maybe not exactly how you would have done it but well enough.

He was raised by a SAHM (she never worked). It was important to both of us that we both be around as much as possible for DD. with the nature of his work it was always going to be hard for me to return to work. Hence the consultancy. I do some voluntary stuff too for a local charity to keep my hand in. That's a lot harder when DH is away, as is going to the gym etc.

He's actually the emotional one. I'm the fixer. I just get on with it while he thrashes and wails and throws a wobbly.

FBaby

Then he needs to accept that at least on this occasion, it is him preventing your daughter to bond with his family. He could after all compromise, go and join his brother during the day and be home for the night. If he is not willing to do that, then he really isn't that bothered about it.

notanewuser

BugglyB wrote: »

Do you even like your husband?

Most of the time, yes!

FBaby

Oh !!!!!!, what's stressful about going about your working day without having a toddler in tow?

Well I for one do believe that being a stay at home mum of one child is a lot less stressful than doing contract work, but arguing who is right or wrong won't sort out their differences.

notanewuser

princessdon wrote: »

Could you try to ring more? Maybe if you spoke daily when he's away it could improve, it's better to hear I live you voice to voice as opposed to text. Do you Skype daily? And I mean just you two when DD is in bed to talk adult stuff?

If not can you try?

DD goes to bed around 9pm. I then have about 3 hours free to work. DH goes to bed at about 10:30pm. We generally only ring if we need something.

paulineb_2

notanewuser wrote: »

Yes, DH is concerned about her waking and neither of us being there. It's happening fairly regularly at the member because she's adjusting to daddy not being here, not being at playgroup and potty training etc.

I don't think it's possible to get from Leeds to Sheffield in 10 mins without a helicopter........

You mean on this weekend away? So you have to stay in while he goes out for the night? How is that showing concern about whether she wakes up during the night, very convenient for him as hes the one off partying.

Also his comment about him bringing the money in is a cheap shot if that was all discussed before he went back to work.

I do agree there seem to be more issues than just his family.

notanewuser

FBaby wrote: »

Well I for one do believe that being a stay at home mum of one child is a lot less stressful than doing contract work, but arguing who is right or wrong won't sort out their differences.

I'd love to know how. He spends 7 hours doing a job he can so in his sleep. I'm at a little person's beck and call all day, with no breaks. He isn't on call 24-7 anymore - I am. At the end of his 7 hours he can shut down and do whatever he likes - I can't!

I am also doing all of our company admin, consulting on projects myself, managing company and household finances, all home and car maintenance, gardening, washing, cooking, cleaning, shopping, organising travel etc. Oh, and remembering all of his beloved families and special occasions.