Issues with DH (again)

princessdon

notanewuser wrote: »

He had a month off when DD was born, then went back to being away in London. That was fine - nobody expected much of me when DD was a baby!

He's had periods of working at home, and being away since then. It's usually around 3-4 months of each each time, but can be 6-8 months depending on the contract.

What's different this time? I'm trying to work in working, DD is older but not old enough to be left alone for any longer than a quick wee, she's potty training and a bit more disrupted at night as she's just had a growth spurt and she's adjusting to daddy being away..................

Do you think you are being hard on yourself?

3 year olds can occupy themselves when they need to. Do you feel like you need to do it all? Is she starting nursery soon?

notanewuser

princessdon wrote: »

That's late for a 3 year old, can you bring forward her bed time?

Is there no chance of speaking more often, do you not ring to wish each other goodnight and say good morning?

I'm not meaning to criticise and you are obviously tired so I apologise if I offend, I'm just trying to offer practical solutions.

I've no reason to bring her bedtime forwards. She's a night owl like me. When she has to be up at 8:30am for playgroup she is tired earlier and her bedtime shifts to 8:30am-ish. Left to her natural rhythm it's 10pm-10am. She seems to be settled at 9pm-9am at the moment. It wouldn't suit any of us to change that significantly. DH's train gets in at 9:30pm and if she'd been sleeping since 7pm I don't know how I'd pick him up. This way she gets into her PJs and falls asleep in the car on the way.

I do my best work later at night. When DH is home and doesn't finish work until 6-6:30pm he'd get no time with her if she went to bed earlier. We can eat out, visit friends, even just go out for an evening stroll this way.

DH is up and cycling to work from 6:30am till 8am, then work. No, I don't want to be woken at 6:30am!

poet123

princessdon wrote: »

That's late for a 3 year old, can you bring forward her bed time?

Is there no chance of speaking more often, do you not ring to wish each other goodnight and say good morning?

I'm not meaning to criticise and you are obviously tired so I apologise if I offend, I'm just trying to offer practical solutions.

I agree that 9pm is late for a 3 year old. Could you not try and settle her earlier say 7pm bath and bed by 7.30pm? It would give you more time earlier to do some work and still leave some wind down time at the end of the night.

notanewuser

princessdon wrote: »

Do you think you are being hard on yourself?

3 year olds can occupy themselves when they need to. Do you feel like you need to do it all? Is she starting nursery soon?

She's not 3 yet (I'm in denial - can you tell!!). She's very good at occupying herself and playing, but she also wants to do painting and playdoh, play in the garden etc which do need a level supervision. I do multi task when I can.

She goes to playgroup 3 mornings a week during term time (started in April). She won't start full time nursery until September 2014.

notanewuser

poet123 wrote: »

I agree that 9pm is late for a 3 year old. Could you not try and settle her earlier say 7pm bath and bed by 7.30pm? It would give you more time earlier to do some work and still leave some wind down time at the end of the night.

No. If bedtime needs to change when she's at school, then that's one thing. I'm perfectly happy ironing or working till midnight, watching television having a bath till 1am and sleeping till 8:30pm.

Getting up early makes me feel sick.

I've already explained why it wouldn't work.

paulineb_2

I think to be honest you are going to have to have some straight talking with your husband and come up with practical solutions.

You clearly arent happy and hes obviously not happy either, no matter who is in the wrong

Also, as someone else said, is she going to nursery soon, if so her routine and yours will change somewhat

Its all very well making the decision to be a stay at home parent and you may feel youve made the right one, but at what cost?

You dont seem supported by your husband, there are family issues.

Perhaps counselling is something you and he need, either individually or alone and its ok not to have to be superwoman

I assume that your husband earns good money as a contractor? You can correct me if Im wrong on that score, but thats pointless if its at the detriment of your relationship

paulineb_2

notanewuser wrote: »

No. If bedtime needs to change when she's at school, then that's one thing. I'm perfectly happy ironing or working till midnight, watching television having a bath till 1am and sleeping till 8:30pm.

Getting up early makes me feel sick.

I've already explained why it wouldn't work.

I was never an early riser, far from it, but these days even getting up at 7am doesnt bother me.

You can change habits over time.

notanewuser

paulineb wrote: »

I was never an early riser, far from it, but these days even getting up at 7am doesnt bother me.

You can change habits over time.

I spent years fighting it (I worked in hotels). If I had to, because of work or whatever I'd do it, but as there is no reason to at the moment, I really really really don't want to. I even stay up all night for early flights rather than going to bed and having to wake up early. It just doesn't suit me!

paulineb_2

If there were an outcome to all of this that you wanted, what would it be?

And how do you think you'll get there.

notanewuser

paulineb wrote: »

I think to be honest you are going to have to have some straight talking with your husband and come up with practical solutions.

You clearly arent happy and hes obviously not happy either, no matter who is in the wrong

Also, as someone else said, is she going to nursery soon, if so her routine and yours will change somewhat

Its all very well making the decision to be a stay at home parent and you may feel youve made the right one, but at what cost?

You dont seem supported by your husband, there are family issues.

Perhaps counselling is something you and he need, either individually or alone and its ok not to have to be superwoman

I assume that your husband earns good money as a contractor? You can correct me if Im wrong on that score, but thats pointless if its at the detriment of your relationship

Very good. He was contracting before I met him and has continued to since. I was (and am) happy to pause my career for DD. My mother was a career woman and wasn't around for me or my sister. I want different for DD. Financially it wasn't an issue. If DH wanted to take a local job and lost 70% of his income it wouldn't matter. I'd support him in that.