Issues with DH (again)

princessdon

It's only 1 child and not a baby, as I said I'd not swap my day for my OH most days and I have 4 children and work full time and no grandparents local.

The point is BOTH will have stresses and cons/pros, I just think neither sees the others view point.

I'd be tempted to book a weekend with your mother somewhere nice and leave him to it. It's like anything in life, he's not going to do it because you do, he won't do it to your standards, you mention something, he feels why bother. If you aren't there, you can't hover (the term helicopter parent was made for me, I hover round OH).

Then book a weekend just the 2 of you as it's probably this aspect out of everything you say that you have less of than most couples.

paulineb_2

Well maybe you need to down tools and not do quite as much.

When he is home, he can do his share.

princessdon

notanewuser wrote: »

I'd love to know how. He spends 7 hours doing a job he can so in his sleep. I'm at a little person's beck and call all day, with no breaks. He isn't on call 24-7 anymore - I am. At the end of his 7 hours he can shut down and do whatever he likes - I can't!

I am also doing all of our company admin, consulting on projects myself, managing company and household finances, all home and car maintenance, gardening, washing, cooking, cleaning, shopping, organising travel etc. Oh, and remembering all of his beloved families and special occasions.

Thing is that's kind of normal for many, what isn't normal is that he doesn't realise or appreciate it. I don't think any of that will change whilst he works away, it can't really due to practical reasons.

How long has he worked away, is this new to you, if not what is different this time round?

CH27

notanewuser wrote: »

I'd love to know how. He spends 7 hours doing a job he can so in his sleep. I'm at a little person's beck and call all day, with no breaks. He isn't on call 24-7 anymore - I am. At the end of his 7 hours he can shut down and do whatever he likes - I can't!

I am also doing all of our company admin, consulting on projects myself, managing company and household finances, all home and car maintenance, gardening, washing, cooking, cleaning, shopping, organising travel etc. Oh, and remembering all of his beloved families and special occasions.

More fool you!

FBaby

Sounds like there is much resentment in your relationship that is building up ready to explode. You clearly think your life is harder, he his. As i said, there is probably no right or wrong because he doesn't know how your life is on a day to day basis and you don't know how his is either.

I can't believe that as married couple, you wouldn't call every night, if only for 5 minutes to ask how eachother's day has been.

I definitely think it is your marriage you need to concentrate on.

notanewuser

paulineb wrote: »

You mean on this weekend away? So you have to stay in while he goes out for the night? How is that showing concern about whether she wakes up during the night, very convenient for him as hes the one off partying.

Also his comment about him bringing the money in is a cheap shot if that was all discussed before he went back to work.

I do agree there seem to be more issues than just his family.

I mean for his brother's birthday thing, yes. When he thought the invite extended to both of us, leaving her with his parents was his suggestion. When I pointed out that they don't have anywhere for her to sleep, and asked what would happen if she woke in the night and one of us wasn't there, he realised that it wouldn't work. Then he suggested I book a hotel for us, and DD and I stay there while we went out. When I said that I didn't want to go anywhere in September as there's enough going on, and that I certainly didn't to sit in a hotel room with DD, he kicked off about DD's relationship with his parents.

Then he realised I wasn't invited anyway. But the other issues seem to have come up out of that row.

Because he'll be going up there from London he wouldn't be able to take DD with him anyway, so it's all a moot point!

notanewuser

princessdon wrote: »

It's only 1 child and not a baby, as I said I'd not swap my day for my OH most days and I have 4 children and work full time and no grandparents local.

I find DD as an almost-3 year old far more work than she was as a newborn. She doesn't nap, is always on the go, knows what she wants (and what she doesn't). And she's a very laid back child!

I find it harder to switch off since having her, because there's always something needing doing or organising. That's why I hoped our holiday in October would be an opportunity for all of us to recharge our batteries.

poet123

FBaby wrote: »

Sounds like there is much resentment in your relationship that is building up ready to explode. You clearly think your life is harder, he his. As i said, there is probably no right or wrong because he doesn't know how your life is on a day to day basis and you don't know how his is either.

I can't believe that as married couple, you wouldn't call every night, if only for 5 minutes to ask how eachother's day has been.

I definitely think it is your marriage you need to concentrate on.

I agree, my husband often works away, but he texts and usually rings twice each night. Once when he gets to the hotel after work and again when he has been out for his meal. We don't have deep meaningful conversations but we just mull the day over.

princessdon

notanewuser wrote: »

DD goes to bed around 9pm. I then have about 3 hours free to work. DH goes to bed at about 10:30pm. We generally only ring if we need something.

That's late for a 3 year old, can you bring forward her bed time?

Is there no chance of speaking more often, do you not ring to wish each other goodnight and say good morning?

I'm not meaning to criticise and you are obviously tired so I apologise if I offend, I'm just trying to offer practical solutions.

notanewuser

princessdon wrote: »

Thing is that's kind of normal for many, what isn't normal is that he doesn't realise or appreciate it. I don't think any of that will change whilst he works away, it can't really due to practical reasons.

How long has he worked away, is this new to you, if not what is different this time round?

He had a month off when DD was born, then went back to being away in London. That was fine - nobody expected much of me when DD was a baby!

He's had periods of working at home, and being away since then. It's usually around 3-4 months of each each time, but can be 6-8 months depending on the contract.

What's different this time? I'm trying to work in working, DD is older but not old enough to be left alone for any longer than a quick wee, she's potty training and a bit more disrupted at night as she's just had a growth spurt and she's adjusting to daddy being away..................