Issues with DH (again)

notanewuser

Thanks. I lost a sibling when I was small. Was never allowed to discuss it. Mum's response to any whine or moan from then on was that I should think myself lucky because some don't get chance to be upset about x, y or z. Brave face from age 3 up.

DD is the age I was when it happened now. Almost to the day. I wonder whether subconsciously I'm aware that she could remember the things that happen today, and they might affect her in later life the way losing my baby sibling has affected me.

(My grandad had a stroke 2 weeks before Xmas (I was 18). He was recovering slowly, and I saw him on Xmas day. He died 2 days later. I was devastated. It colours every Xmas.)

Funky_Bold_Ribena

I don't know NANU but hubby isn't exactly helping matters at the moment.

paulineb_2

notanewuser wrote: »

Thanks. I lost a sibling when I was small. Was never allowed to discuss it. Mum's response to any whine or moan from then on was that I should think myself lucky because some don't get chance to be upset about x, y or z. Brave face from age 3 up.

DD is the age I was when it happened now. Almost to the day. I wonder whether subconsciously I'm aware that she could remember the things that happen today, and they might affect her in later life the way losing my baby sibling has affected me.

(My grandad had a stroke 2 weeks before Xmas (I was 18). He was recovering slowly, and I saw him on Xmas day. He died 2 days later. I was devastated. It colours every Xmas.)

Well, as I said, offloading might help. My family have lost more than one person around Christmas and its tough, theres only me and my mum and brother left.

The only thing I can say is, is that people deal with grief differently, some people lock it away and thats the only way they cope.

And it can affect us years later and you dont know whats causing you to feel stressed or ill.

We can all get stuck in certain patterns of behaviour and sometimes family history can shape who we are and not always in a positive way.

The bottom line is, you could plod on the way you are for quite some time, not feel great and not do anything about it because you arent in a total crisis

Or you could recognise the warning signs and think, hold on a minute, something has to change. Counselling can be very hit and miss, if I went to counselling which I have done in the past and I felt worse, Id stop it, sometimes you know when something is working and when its not.

But if you are having physical symptoms which you are at the moment, something really has to change, so that you can get some quality of life back.

I would at the very least speak to my GP about some help with managing stress on top of the medical tests they are going to do.

paulineb_2

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

I don't know NANU but hubby isn't exactly helping matters at the moment.

No, I dont think he is, but how do you get someone to see that you need more support than they can give you, particularly when he doesnt live in the same home most of the week, its a really tough one.

notanewuser

I don't know. But I'm beginning to dread weekends.

We're off to London with him this week. That should be a riot (not).

Dunroamin

notanewuser wrote: »

Talked to my friends this week - it's amazing how stressed they all are too. We've all been trying to help each other work out what we need this week. It's been great.

Found a new bald patch.

Managed to get an emergency appointment for this morning. An hour and a half's wait for a 3 minute appointment where the GP looked at my head and said that I needed blood tests for anaemia, thyroid, hormone levels and coeliac disease. Couldn't offer any further advice "until we know what's causing it".

Have to see a nurse for the blood tests and there's a 2 week wait. ((Sigh))

This is meant to be helpful, so don't take it the wrong way.

You don't seem to be short of a bob or two so stop messing about with the NHS and go private. Your health is too important to hang around like this and be miserable .

notanewuser

Dunroamin wrote: »

This is meant to be helpful, so don't take it the wrong way.

You don't seem to be short of a bob or two so stop messing about with the NHS and go private. Your health is too important to hang around like this and be miserable .

I fully intend to. Have private cover but need referral from GP - which I can't have until initial tests have been done.

lostinrates

notanewuser wrote: »

I fully intend to. Have private cover but need referral from GP - which I can't have until initial tests have been done.

You could look for a private GP t see if you could get test done any quicker..depends where you live whether that's a realistic proposition or not. Presuming that's so they know where to refer you?


Meantime, you could arrange to see some one,

Notanewuser, just recently you sounded very secure in your marriage, just not in circumstances putting pressure and stress on it. If its the same and stress or depression now, take comfort that this can pass. You need not wait to arrange some one to talk to, and you certain
Ly sound as if that might help a little.

Health concerns, worrying about marriage communication etc....its taking its toll, and while you are a mother of a child who is at a demanding age too! Full of vigour and questions. I don't think its abnormal, but I do think you could use help.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

notanewuser wrote: »

I don't know. But I'm beginning to dread weekends.

We're off to London with him this week. That should be a riot (not).

Cancel it? It seems like you are actually not a well bunny, and could do with being at home sorting yourself out. Not running around after hubby pretending to have fun.

FBaby

He's been going on all night asking why my life is "so stressful" and how it "really shouldn't be". Back to square 1 I guess.

You are not to square one. The only way forward is not the only one you want, which is more attention and involvement from him. The reality is that wrongly or not, he thinks you are stressing when there isn't forcibly a need to do so. As others posters have mentioned in the past, it might very much be the case that you are indeed putting too much pressure on yourself and it is this leading to that feeling of stress and feeling overwhelmed then your actual life. He seems willing to discuss it, why not do so with him. Why not consider what you are doing to yourself that might be why you are feeling the way you do, rather than just waiting for him to tell you 'I'll make it all better for you darling'. He has sent you flowers, therefore thought of you and wanted to make you feel better. Why don't you reach to him and listen to what he might have to say too.

If your hair loss is indeed caused by stress, you are clearly experiencing it at a very high level and from all what you have written, it doesn't seem right. Maybe it might be worth considering putting your business on the side for the time being. Maybe you can arrange things so that you focus on it more when your daughter is at nursery and give yourself a break from it during holidays, at least scale it down. Have you also consider a stress management course? Not saying this in a patronising way. When it was offered to me, I thought 'stuff you', but once I opened my mind to it and listened, I realised that I wasn't half as organised as I thought I was and was too focus on things that didn't require it, too caught up with what was going on thinking that the world would collapse if I stopped doing just one thing. Taking a step back has helped me see that many things don't need the level of control that I gave it.

In the end, your husband and child are more important than anything else. Embrace the time you spend with them and give your mind from all that thinking and analyzing a break.