Issues with DH (again)

paulineb_2

Agree on the stress management course. My local nhs group offers them free at the local college, so many people end up suffering from stress due to a multitude of reasons. And from my experience, a lot of GPs dont understand what stress/anxiety/depression is like, dont know how to treat it. Some people throw pills at the situation (and Im not anti medication, it has its place), but what I wanted through almost 15 years of suffering from stress (due to work), was for someone to listen to me, to try and understand what I was going through, not to provide solutions necessarily but just to listen.

But if there are stress management courses that would help you, try and find one.

A couple of pages ago you were posting saying that you were looking forward to London, that you had talked. What has changed in the last few days/week?

I do think if you get into the mindset of thinking its one anothers fault, you are just going to get nowhere and seriously, bottom line, if you need him to look for work nearer you and come home and be home all the time, for goodness sake tell him.

Also, is changing holiday plans and plans for home improvements the end of the world. You spoke that you dont feel togetherness, people arent necessarily going to agree on things all the time (and Im sure you dont need me to tell you that).

I agree, making some decisions about the business and scaling it down for the time being might be a good idea.

And if you do think you cant change this or you cant change that. You can change a lot of things about your life.

If you still love your husband and he loves you, the other things can be worked on, if you cannot see a way forward without disagreement, then perhaps its time to get some professional counselling, because sometimes people get a shock when they realise how the other person is feeling as well.

Its not all about you, its not all about him, there might be changes both of you have to make to move forward.

If things dont and cant change, well you either need to consider putting up with things the way they are at the moment or making some decisions about whether you can stay living a life like this.

FBaby

paulineb wrote: »

Agree on the stress management course. My local nhs group offers them free at the local college, so many people end up suffering from stress due to a multitude of reasons. And from my experience, a lot of GPs dont understand what stress/anxiety/depression is like, dont know how to treat it. Some people throw pills at the situation (and Im not anti medication, it has its place), but what I wanted through almost 15 years of suffering from stress (due to work), was for someone to listen to me, to try and understand what I was going through, not to provide solutions necessarily but just to listen.

But if there are stress management courses that would help you, try and find one.

A couple of pages ago you were posting saying that you were looking forward to London, that you had talked. What has changed in the last few days/week?

I do think if you get into the mindset of thinking its one anothers fault, you are just going to get nowhere and seriously, bottom line, if you need him to look for work nearer you and come home and be home all the time, for goodness sake tell him.

Also, is changing holiday plans and plans for home improvements the end of the world. You spoke that you dont feel togetherness, people arent necessarily going to agree on things all the time (and Im sure you dont need me to tell you that).

I agree, making some decisions about the business and scaling it down for the time being might be a good idea.

And if you do think you cant change this or you cant change that. You can change a lot of things about your life.

If you still love your husband and he loves you, the other things can be worked on, if you cannot see a way forward without disagreement, then perhaps its time to get some professional counselling, because sometimes people get a shock when they realise how the other person is feeling as well.

Its not all about you, its not all about him, there might be changes both of you have to make to move forward.

If things dont and cant change, well you either need to consider putting up with things the way they are at the moment or making some decisions about whether you can stay living a life like this.

Excellent post

notanewuser

Thanks for the replies. DH had a bottle of wine on the train that probably didn't help things last night.

Found this course online - the "kids" course sounds perfect, but it's in west London.
http://www.stress.org.uk/Workshops.aspx

Local Health board doesn't advertise anything online. I'll do some more research later.

My parents are going to have DD today. Hopefully that will help me let DH and me get stuff sorted out.

lostinrates

Nota new user, could you have a holiday for a course you want to do? Leaving DH with your dd? Give them some serious bonding time together, you a complete change of pace and break and To focus on your needs?

For a lot of peoe this would not be a financial option, for you it seems it might be, shame not to take advantage of your options in life if they can help?

notanewuser

DH can't take any time off until October, unfortunately.

lostinrates

notanewuser wrote: »

DH can't take any time off until October, unfortunately.

Ok, it that's not that long really....what, five, six weeks ish? Can you book something in to give you something to anchor yourself towards for now? You might need to think that far ahead to get onto a popular / in demand course anyway

No reason you cannot start counselling of some sort before then too, be excellent prep to let you get the most put of it maybe? Or just to help you hold things together?..or even...to not hold things together;). Which ever is the most beneficial for you!

Errata

Found this course online - the "kids" course sounds perfect, but it's in west London.
http://www.stress.org.uk/Workshops.aspx

It probably would be perfect if it didn't claim to teach "the breathing technique that makes it impossible to be unhappy". If that was true every doctor and nurse in the land would be teaching it.

notanewuser

lostinrates wrote: »

Ok, it that's not that long really....what, five, six weeks ish? Can you book something in to give you something to anchor yourself towards for now? You might need to think that far ahead to get onto a popular / in demand course anyway

No reason you cannot start counselling of some sort before then too, be excellent prep to let you get the most put of it maybe? Or just to help you hold things together?..or even...to not hold things together;). Which ever is the most beneficial for you!

We have a 10 day holiday abroad booked for early October.

Will look into some reiki/stress management/counselling in the meantime.

FBaby

Do you have any friends you could talk to? Most young mums are stressed, that's how it is, we just don't talk about it because we don't want to portray ourselves as not coping. I have found that when you bring the subject up, it is almost a relief for everyone. Discuss it, what we do to cope with it is a very good way to deal with stress. 9 times out of 10, we are stressed because we are putting too much pressure on ourselves. I remember feeling stressed because my children had two or three meals in a row with almost no vegetables, or feeling guilty if I hadn't read a book to my son one night and so on....all this accumulating to a state of stress...when looking back, these events had so little incidence on their lives. Yes it is important to do things well, but perfection almost inevitably spurs on stress so that in the end, we do things worse than if we did less.

mummyroysof3

FBaby wrote: »

Do you have any friends you could talk to? Most young mums are stressed, that's how it is, we just don't talk about it because we don't want to portray ourselves as not coping. I have found that when you bring the subject up, it is almost a relief for everyone. Discuss it, what we do to cope with it is a very good way to deal with stress. 9 times out of 10, we are stressed because we are putting too much pressure on ourselves. I remember feeling stressed because my children had two or three meals in a row with almost no vegetables, or feeling guilty if I hadn't read a book to my son one night and so on....all this accumulating to a state of stress...when looking back, these events had so little incidence on their lives. Yes it is important to do things well, but perfection almost inevitably spurs on stress so that in the end, we do things worse than if we did less.

I agree with this. Us mums can put far too much pressure on ourselfs when if we just cut our selfs some slack we would be much happier